Trying.

I've felt let down by someone the past few weeks. My own fault, I had put to much expectations into them. Did they allow this to happen? Yeah to a degree, it was working for them also, but its not their life I have to live in, its mine. So I don't drink anymore, I haven't used a pill in a couple of months, but I was about to get what I want by lying

I laid in bed last night revisiting my resentment I refuse to admit I have, refused to admit that at the end of BLAME is ME not you and I hatched a plan, a way to get what I want, I was going to lie, I use to tell tales alll the time when active, but I remembered something I read yesterday about asking for help when fantasy is about to ruin reality, and yes I may have got the attention and comfort I wanted for a short while with this tale, but it would rander me even more powerless because it wasn't coming from a place of truth, so the comfort I may have got, wouldnt have been mine to keep.

I realised just how much in the past my lying was also a fix for me, it change the discomfort I was feeling for a short while, but alas like the drink or drug, it never lasts, the discomfort comes back but with the added shame of knowing I was not truthful.

I felt flat for a short while once I accepted that lying is a fix like any other drug if used to change how I feel. But then I felt stronger because for the first time I actually done something very honest, I took the right action. This journey is so hard, so many right things to be done, but I guess instant gratification isn't worth it, truth always wins out.

So now not only will I not drink or drug ODAAT, I also will not represent myself in an dishonest way ODAAT

Rella927

Very powerful statement! it is a long, hard journey but, it is so worth it to ourselves!

GiveLove

Trying,

I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I used to be a grand champion liar to get what I wanted.....I mean, I was a master. It came naturally to me when I needed a "fix" of something -- sympathy, affection, support, you name it. I learned it when I was little....it seemed the only way at the time to get anyone to pay attention to my needs. (Sad, isn't it, when "I need a hug" isn't enough?)

THere are very few things that I'm more ashamed of than that. I'm in awe of your courage to call yourself on the carpet like this, and even more awed at your commitment to knock it off, ODAAT. It took me a long time to come to that realization.

Way to go!

GL

Wascally Wabbit

I am learning how to not have resentments. Someone once said that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

I first practiced the letting go of resentments at work. It is the easiest place since I don't live with these people. I have had some awful things happen there with one girl in particular, but, when I realized nothing will change with her, I had to get my self in gear not to hold on to any resentment. Even my boss said that if you hold on to resentment it will kill you in business. That holds true for your personal life too.

Trying.

oh I think resentments are part of normal range of emotions, its how I deal with them that I need to change, but only time will do that. I think sometimes people try to become purer then pure and deny any negative emotion, thats never going to happen. At work I'm fine, its when I get hooked into personal friendships that my problem hits. I am always looking for the perfect mother I never had and haven 't quite reached the level of total acceptence yet, but like resentments with time this will become intergrated within me and I will fly through feelings LOL! Or maybe not.