sam79

I just wanted to know how many times do you have to hit rock bottom before it sinks in that you need to sort yourself out??????

My b/f has had so many ive lost count but it just doesnt seem to make any difference.

After 6 weeks of not getting drunk during November and early December last year. Then on the day i had emergency surgery to get my Appendix out on 12th December he got hammered, then again the next day.

Since then hes had weekly binges and gone missing for 2 days. Friday he got blitzed on a 'day out' to treat me to lunch, which ended up as a visit to every pub in the village. And he did it again straight from work last night.

He has apparently hit rock bottom quite a few times and it made him snap out of it and do something...............so why is he now going back to his old ways????

He was doing amazingly well last year.

Barbara52

He doesn't seem to be doing anything to deal with his alcoholism from your description. Our As can say they are "working on it" all they want. Actions speak louder than words though.

My question for you is what are you doing for yourself? You cannot change, control or cure him. You can work on yourself in terms of understanding how his alcoholism is affecting you and what you can do for yourself.

NoChoice

Hey, I am glad you are here and you have posted. There is no formula for rock bottoms. My XAH totaled his M3 BMW, broke his C-2 vertibrae, was on life support and medivacd to a huge hospital because he was so bad off that the local hospital couldn't work with him. There is no telling when or if he will hit bottom. I had to take care of me and move on. Some stay some go, you have to decide for you what is best. There are such good tools here and people to talk to. Take care of you.

NC

splendra

Addiction is very confounding there is no understanding it from the point of view that we have.

A very wise counselor once told me that what looks like the bottom to me maybe Mt Everest to them. He may have taken a fall and landed on a plateau that looked like the bottom.

The Grand Canyons bottom that is a very long way down but there are lots of places to land that is not the bottom. They might be a in a rocky place and they might be crawling around but in the case of your b/f, my H and my siblings and As everywhere who are still using we think it looks pretty dank where they are. Many many of us have been amazed at how low the A in our life has gone and are still going.

That's why we have to take the focus off of what they are doing and take all that energy and make our own life what we want it to be...take care of you.

Miss Pink

Every bottom has a basment. When he stops digging, his bottom will be found. But its his to find.......good luck, hun. Try alanon.

queenteree

If he's hit many bottoms, then it wasn't his bottom. Only he will know when he's hit his bottom.

tryingtofly

When my AMIL lost her (great paying) job we figured that was rock bottom - it wasn't, when we got engaged and she had nothing to do with the wedding because of her drinking (and my h is her only child) we thought that would be if not a rock bottom, a good wake-up call - it wasn't. When she was about to lose her house because of non-payment we thought that would be rock bottom - it wasn't. When she actually lost her house we thought it would be rock bottom - it wasn't. When she had to pawn half her stuff for money to live we thought that would be rock bottom...you guessed it it wasn't.
I've given up trying to figure out what her rock bottom is cause I don't think even she knows.
Good luck!

Rella927

Yup uh huh! Splendra said it well!

I thought with my XAB that he hit his bottom.....but once again he started to drink-

Same with my brother-he was in a car accident, a bicycle accident (hit by a car and had surgery), lost his family (divorce), Fell off a ladder (surgery), arrested countless times, jail 6 months, jail 9 months, lost job after 25 years-accident, accident had his front teeth knocked out- so on and so on!

In the end it was me that hit bottom and had to walk away from the XABF and learn to detach with love with my brother-

I find today that wrapping myself up in the "why" of what someone else is doing is only going to keep me stuck and unhappy!

Not the way I choose to live my life today! I have choices just like the A's and anyone else that decides to make poor choices for their life-

I choose to live life one day at a time....with as much happiness and peace that I can grab hold of!

an'ka

"I find today that wrapping myself up in the "why" of what someone else is doing is only going to keep me stuck and unhappy!"

Priceless!!

sam79

He does have an alcohol nurse practitioner but he was off sick for a while in December and my b/f or him have yet to contact each other again, which is what is annoying me right now.

When he did 6wks without getting drunk it was under the guidence of his nurse with once a week meetings.

I know hes trying to put off going back to see him cos when i mention it he gets defensive and says 'oh he'll ring me when hes got a free appointment' but i think its gonna be down to my b/f to sort it out. And as he has now not come straight home from work for the second night running i presume hes off getting totally wasted.

So what is the point???! I know i can do anything for him ive lived this life long enough to know but it doesnt make it any easier.

denny57

So while I do everything for someone else, who is doing everything for me?

Barbara52

Why do you want to treat your equal like a child who needs you to be his mommy? I know that sounds harsh and you won't like to hear it but you are not responsible for the choices and actions of another adult. You do not help him by cleaning up his messes for him. You do not help him by taking away the negative consequences that the world would hand him for his choices and actions. That is the very nature of enabling. Why should he change if you are always there to clean up after him?

I am not saying you have to leave him. Or stop loving him. Or stop supporting him if he gets into recovery. I am saying there are ways you can stay with him, love him and support him in recovery without doing damage to yourself.

sam79

sorry i meant i CANT do anything for him! (slight spelling mistake!)

I totally know you are right about that, as i said ive come to learn this, its not new to me. Its just kinda hard sometimes.

I know the help is there for him and so does he but he seems to think he can do it 'his way' but its not enough.

If im honest i truely think hes gonna end up dead before anything changes. Not due to the alcohol killing his liver, but him getting so anxious and angry that he kills himself.

Believe me hes tried several times but not gone through with it. But one day i think he will.

His self harming will go too far.

And getting someone sectioned for a reasonable amount of time ,if at all in this damn country is totally impossible!

Barbara52

I am sooooo glad to see this! {hugs}


No its always hard. But hang in there. You can learn to do it better day by day.

sam79

Thanks Barbara!

Just being here and posting keeps me calm.

Hes out there right now and god knows what hes doing but i cant stop him so im just talking to you guys to get me through a few tense hours.

You really dont know how much i appreciate you all, this forum must save so many people from totally losing thier mind!

I know, im one of them!

:ghug

PrettyViolets

I think it is not as much about rock bottom as it is when the alcoholic acknowledges that they are powerless over it and that they need a higher power to overcome it. Rock bottom for my husband was high debt, it was losing his job, and then it was totaling his car into a median and waking up in the hospital (he does not remember the accident). When he finally told his family and me--(it finally clicked), it finally occurred to him that he could not do this by himself--he was trying to cut back his drinking. He finally entered a good recovery program--took it seriously--he now goes to AA meetings every day. We just went to church together as a couple for the first time this past Sunday. It really took God and the grace of God for my husband, but this is going to be something that he struggles with for the rest of his life. He has been sober I am thinking about 40 days. We are celebrating his birthday this week. We are so thankful that he is still alive.

splendra

((((((sam)))))

I have seen my H and siblings do some really stupid stuff. I am a lot more detached from my siblings than my H because we live close to one another. In my heart of hearts I am sooooo sick of the relationship I have with my H. I know all the blah-blah-blah about keeping the focus on myself and doing what I need to do for me.

To me it looks like all of them would have had enough by now. We are all so much older now and I wonder when the wiser will follow. Does someone have to die or be struck down to the point of needing professional care. It hurts real bad I know....

geees poncho

Rock bottom is death, most alkies don't go that far.
The best thing a codependent can do for a practiceing alkie
is to remove the net, that is let him fall to HIS BOTTOM
when he feels the (hard consequences) he MAY seek help.
TAKE AWAY HIS FINANCES AND LET HIM FALL
that is protect your money, and step aside.
as Joe Friday would say, (JUST THE FACTS MAMM)

hope2bhappy

I've read a lot of horror stories that, to me, would certainly be a bottom. I guess "rock bottom" is by their definition, and not ours. It's scary how bad it can get.

FormerDoormat

Umm, 24?