I'm done with it

My ah was sober for over a year and now he is snorting like a pig in my bedroom. All weekend I've been finding white powder all over the house. He does it when I step out to do whatever. But this time I told him that I am not going to get mad and fight, what is the point? It won't stop him from using. I told him I am going to leave this year (even tho it is my place). I calmly told him he doesn't need me anymore. Rehashed all the mean things he says about being married to me and said that I am going to let him go since it sounds so awful to be married to me. This weekend I applied for new jobs out of the area so I can relocate and leave. Hopefully, I will get an interview so I can leave.
This is the year for change. New job, new life. Thank you to all of you who give me insight and realize I am not alone.


Done - still drinking the diet Pepsi? I am.

Elana

Sorry this is happening to you. You do sound good and you sound like you are making the right choices for you. I will pray you get to a better place.. better job.. etc.

I am sorry his choices are so unhealthy.

I know you are not doing this without pain so I offer you a BIG (((((((HUG)))))))

lightseeker

I'm thinking about you and you sound like you are in a good place. Cocaine and crack are such powerful drugs...for an active addict it usually wins out over anything else. It took me a LONG time to accept that.

Leaving my first husband was a huge break from the cocaine and the chaotic horrible lifestyle. I was completely relieved to be away from that and figured that that was that and I'd know to never do that again. I went on to marry two more men that turned out to be addicts. AAACK! What I wished that I had done is get myself to Alanon even though there wasn't an active addict "IN" my life. My life had been touched by one and I had been irrevocably touched by one - even if he was gone. The trauma of that experience was imbedded in my subconscious and apparently I was compelled (without my knowing it) to repeat the dramas and the traumas.

I wish that I had read the Melody Beattie books and had made myself reread them on New Year's Day as a refresher and a reminder of how to take care of myself.

You sound so level headed and able to take care of yourself. I send you lots of good wishes and hope that the interviews come through quickly. You are definitely not alone. I'm afraid that there are more of us out there than we know. You have the courage to take your life back and move on. My grief when I had to leave was over what could have/should have been. Addiction takes over the soul of many many beautiful and wonderful people. They become crazy aliens with the drug (even when they are not high). However, that grief is nothing compared to what it is like to stay.

Good for you girl - hang in there and stay strong. I wasn't trying to tell you what to do about the Alanon stuff/books....I just wish that someone had thrown that out to me as experience/strength/wisdom at the time. I didn't even know what was happening. As always - take what you want and leave the rest.

Love, Donna

hope213

sending prayers uo for the strenght you need.hugs,

sjr

***********i calmly told him he doesn't need me anymore. ************


sounds more to me like YOU DON'T NEED HIM anymore!!!!!

good luck to you!!!!

kj21

one year sober. how was life then, did it get better when he was not using? My exh (seperated 2 months, swears this is it, he is done, just wants one more chance) I know I should not, but i am feeling a little weak today.
I guess your story should teach me that no matter how long sober, they can relapse anytime. good luck to you and your job. I really hope you find peace.

Done_With_It

AUDRADAVID

Hi Done. Glad to hear it sounds like you are doing the right thing. Each person has their breaking point. When the negatives out weigh the positives and you've said enough is enough, well then it is. Congrats, and it sounds like you know exactly what you are doing. Stick to your grounds only you love you like you.

I'm done with it

WOW! So much support and understanding!!! No wonder I am back here.

No matter how tough and together I appear, it is rattling to have to go thru this again. I know it is messing up on my concentration in my daily life/work. I have sounded tough before and stayed with him. How many bricks have to hit us on the head before we realize the brick wall next to us is collapsing? Thanks for the hugs!

Lightseeker (aka Donna) - whoa - to go thru it 3 times! I hope I don't have to go thru this again (if I stay with him it is a guarantee that I will go thru this again - I need to remember that). I also hope I don't become too scared to get close to someone again either. Thanks for mentioning the book. I had it before but I have no idea where it is. Probably ah found it and tossed it. I guess I can just do what he does when I toss his stuff, go buy more!

kj21 - As for the year/year and a half of sobriety, it was nice. We actually got along well - most of the time. But I always knew once an addict, always an addict so I was never totally comfortable with the situation and knew he could fall at any moment. Even if your addict swears they won't do it again, chances are they will and you have to be prepared to go thru what I'm going thru now. It isn't fun. It is harder than before because you saw that they CAN be normal. And I know he is hurting from what I said at least he is acting like he is hurting. He is saying that I am evil and just don't care and have no feelings. But then he was coming off his high and saying all kinds of crazy things so I just sat there and let him talk. I tried not to roll my eyes or smirk. It is best not to respond to them when you're not sure they are really there or if it is the drugs talking. Right now he is snoring - the stuff must be wearing off.

I promised myself that if he did it again, I would leave. I owe that to myself. I deserve more.

Done - I'll have to check out that Rumba.

rahsue

Your recovery is shinning through. I will pray for you to have strength.
So many times when there is a relapse we fall right back into our old ways too.

<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>>>

kj21

You do deserve more! You made a promise to yourself, I hope you can keep it. I think being with an addict we codies have such a hard time being selfish. I worry too much about his feelings. I told him yesterday to please quit calling so much and to let me get on with my recovery. Ahh life is hard sometimes. But on a brighter note I joined a gym today, took the day off to have a me day...told my ex i would not be answering any calls from him, need to just be alone and selfish!! good Luck to you! be strong!

I'm done with it

Thanks. He is sober again and talking more sanely today. We are going to "transition" ourselves out of each other's lives. We both agree we can't live with each other and things are getting worse between us. We will probably separate but try to remain friends. I will keep y'all posted.

Done_With_It

Oh Done... Please take care of you........ :praying

:ghug3

I'm done with it

I know, I know. I'm a little concerned.
Thank you for your prayers.

Done_With_It

Yea, I could feel that in your post.... Be careful girl.
I can only imagine how hard it must be.
But you are number one in your life, not him or the
drugs....
The drugs are number one in his life, you are are third,
I hate to be reality for you, but it's the truth.
Just don't forget that is what drugs do to us.
Meth did that to me, that is why I had to stop doing it.
I was starting to hurt people I loved.
You have to take care of yourself first, because no one
is going to do it for you.

I'm done with it

Thanks for the reality check. That is why I'm here tonight.

It is hard. But I have to remember how addicts are and what they do. It is easy to remember when he is using but it is just as easy to forget when they're sober.

Thanks, again.

Done_With_It

lol, same for me so often, (not so much anymore, but a total reality when I first stopped)

When I first stopped, It was hard, so hard to remember the bad stuff drugs brought to my life, and so, so damn easy to remember the good, easy fun life drugs (meth) brought me.....

Now that I'm clean, I have a hard time remembering the good times, but it's been over two years, I remember the bad times very easy, and it's hard to remember the good times.

But sometimes, like right before Xmas my dealer called me "out of the blue"
had not heard from him in over two years and he wanted to literally bring a fresh bag of meth to my door step.....

Let me tell you, all the good things came rushing to my head....
That is ALL I COULD THINK OF.......

Like you with him....

But..... just cuz I remember that....Does NOT mean my dealer did not do and say the things he has done and said to me....

You feel me sister???

I'm done with it

Ya had me a little confused for a second - but I get it.

You made the right decision, right?

Done_With_It

lol, yea I made the right decision,

You can tell I'm getting tired, hu...

My night time cough syrup is kicking in.

Did yoiu see my lemon meringue soap thread? lol

Done_With_It

We always hear what we want to hear and remember, basically is what I think I am saying?
But not even on purpose, it's just natural.....


lol, okay, My tired head probably should be in bed by now. lol..