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Really "sobering" experience...

Old 01-06-2008, 03:11 PM
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61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
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Lightbulb Really "sobering" experience...

I have been really bored lately (it's almost *physically* painful) so today I finally decided to go looking for a hobby on the internet. I'd hoped to find some snazzy new program that I could play around with or perhaps a script I could install or at least something to occupy my time. Even a nice, new game would have been ok.

I looked around and saw pretty much the same old stuff on the software sites and other places and ended up getting distracted and going to some of the sites I used to visit before I went on my year-long alcohol nightmare. Things have REALLY changed!. Some of the sites I used to visit have now morphed into something entirely different and some are no longer even operating. Then, I went back to the software sites again and happened to notice a few of the HTML editors I used to use when I was cranking out scripts by the dozens and there were other tools I used to use (Flash, Blender 3D, game programming tools, etc). Also, games I used to play and many other things. It was like taking a trip down "memory lane" and looking at all of the things I used to be involved in when I was CLEAN and SOBER.

All of that ended over a year ago and although I have 20 days of sobriety under my belt and no desire to drink anymore, a lot of the motivation I had back then and a lot of the skills I posessed seem to have dissapeared. I was a very good artist, programmer, webmaster, etc (even ran my own web server and hosted for quite awhile) and I was always involved in something "big" that involved a group of other people. It makes me sad that those days seem to be gone and it's almost as if I was an alzhiemer's patient looking over an old family album but not being able to go "back there" and re-live the life I once lived.

Anyway, it was just kind of a strange and surreal experience for me and got me thinking a lot about how this disease can completely change you. Thank God I quit when I did. I'm just barely starting to try to get back to where I was before this cruel and insidious disease tried to rob me of my life and what I once was.

- Need4Change
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:25 PM
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Give it time Need4, 20 days is very early. I had no motivation or attention span when I quit and my brain was barely working at all. It took me 6 months to begin to feel like I was coming back, brain-wise. I was drinking alcoholically for more than a year though.


Congrats on your 20 days! 8

Last edited by stone; 01-06-2008 at 03:40 PM.
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:27 PM
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Hey Need4, First congrats on the 20 days! You sound like a whole new person. I am realizing that there has been a "cost" in my life for not getting into treatment sooner, but I also know that I can build a whole new life based, as much as I like, on parts of the life I knew before I started drinking alcoholically. You can too. I don't know ANYTHING about all the technical stuff you mentioned, but I imagine there are tools, even online, that can help you catch up with the technology changes you missed when you were drinking.

Sadness is part of recovery, for sure. But you can live a life that is beyond your dreams if you stay sober and work at it.
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:27 PM
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Ya know Need, change is something us addicts usually don't like and don't want to deal with. I had to face a lot of change when I began recovery and it helped me a lot in letting go of things. As others said, give it some time.
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:36 PM
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everything is already ok
 
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Good advice here Need4. My sponsor tells me often (as I need to be told often) that recovery and in fact life is not a race.

Congrats and be kind to yourself.

Kevin
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:39 PM
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I hear ya on the intense boredom. Since holiday break, I've gone stir crazy.

First and foremost, Congrats on 20 days!!! That's awesome. I'm on day 2 so seeing someone manage double digits is motivating.

As for the skills you feel that you lost....
Perhaps it's the whole transition of sobriety that is affecting your motivation and creativity. Don't be hard on yourself. I'm positive that your skills will return. Give it some time. You are undergoing tremendous changes right now and things are going to seem screwy for a little bit.

Take care, and congrats again!!
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:45 PM
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I am so glad to hear you are looking into other things to keep busy.

My brother inlaw it thinking about making a game. He works on computers for the state. He build the one I have right now. There is money to be made if you know computers.
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Old 01-06-2008, 05:57 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Hmm..
By about 3 months of sobriety
I noticed my body and mind were
back in harmonious balance.

I could again work Crosswords
and still rarely finished the Sunday NY Times!

Keep in focus....and stay sober
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Old 01-06-2008, 06:24 PM
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I know what you mean.
I feel like I've lost my skills too.
I'm glad that you talked about this because these responses offer hope for us.
Stay sober and I'm sure it will come back.
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