Aysha

And I dont know why.
Ever since I got home I have zero patience or tolerance. I am kinda being snippy and being a real sarcastic B****.
I am trying to talk myself into a better state of mind and mood. But it isnt working.
I know it is part of life. But geez....My poor grams always gets the blunt of it all. I am just keeping my mouth shut and doing my best to just filter everyone out right now. Because today I have an answer for everything. I hate feeling like this.
I had to leave and come to my aunts house. I got 2 kids and my cousins ex husband at my house. My cousin doent like the idea of her ex at my house spending time with his kids. But he cant at his house because his dad doesnt want any kids at his house. So my grams said it was ok for him to come to our house. Which is all good. I like the guy. But just alot of comotion in my space right now.
I dont know.
I just hate feeling like I am mad or aggravated. Especially when I have no reason to be or have any idea why.
Well...Just needed to vent.

Treasure2Find

I often feel the same way thanks for letting me know I'm not alone, I wish you well...

All Good Things,

Alive

it shall pass...i go for a short nap or warn people when i get into that state of aggravation. it's still hard, but for me, after the nap, i can get a good laugh again... i guess it's about dealing with the chemical reactions of the body trying to find an equilibrium with sobriety..

hug...

Aysha

I just want to add that I keep hearing I need to get away from my grams. Because she is a codependant . BIG TIME!! And a real bad enabler. She knows this and has been told this. She gets attitude with me too lately.
Is this my subconscience telling me get away. Because I have heard it so much?
Because it seemslike everything she says or does really gets on my nerves. As I am sure is the same with her.
I just dont know. I cant stand the thought of it. Because she is cooped up alone enough. How will it be when she has noone there with her? She sleeps in my bed when I am not home.
I am so confused.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Trish,

Is there anybody that you can call from your meetings?

I've been feeling like you are feeling. What I did, and it helped, was: took a nice bath, read the BB (do you have one?), spoke with another alkie in recovery and now I'm feeling better.

Option for you?

Karen

Rowan

Hey Trish,

Anger and irritability were big problems for me upon getting clean and sober. I recall that you enjoyed the meetings while in treatment - have you explored getting to NA meetings now that you are home? It's really really important to have a support network on the outside - otherwise, it's just a matter of time before we become prey to our emotions.
Get to a meeting, get a sponsor, share where you're at, and start moving forward. You need to get unstuck, girl.
Love you lots and don't want to see you keep falling down.

Hang in,
Ro

tanyapmc

Remember......."love and tolerance is our code" and all that crap! lol

I get in moods where I can't stand to be around myself too. Last time I had to tell my husband "please do not talk to me because I cannot be nice"

Feelings and moods ALWAYS change.

Hang in there.

Aysha

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.
I dont want to have to fill my script for xanax. I dont want to have to rely on anything.
Another day gone wrong. I cant even say anything without being yelled at today.
My goodness. So I just left and came to my aunts.
I dont have a truck anymore and I live in the middle of nowhere. So that means no way to get drugs. Which is great. Totally fine with me. But at the same time I cant get to meetings. I am scared to ask anyone for a ride. I count on my family for enough now. My cousin gives his car to us one day a week already. He dont even live by us. And has 2 kids. I didnt get any numbers because we were in rehab.
I know people give rides. I just need to get to one or two meetings and see who I might be able to catch a ride from. I would like to go to one. The only NA meeting they have is on Fridays at 7pm. My family doesnt want to mess with that after they worked all day.
When I get my taxes back I am going to fix my truck. I have to work too.
And I will definately need some kind of support then. Money and a ride. I have only scratched the surface here. I am going stir crazy.
I am just going to chill at my aunts for awhile today. Noone is here. So I can get some peace.
I am having second thoughts on that sober living. I would have the support and resources needed. They have mass transit and I could get a job and get there. Get away from my grams who seems like the devil lately. But it is right in the middle of it. I heard it was bad.
I dont know. I am stressed.