DetachMe9

Oh my, dear friends. The biggest life changes seem to happen in the smallest periods of time. A two-page document that ends with "irretrievably broken", your signature, and it's all set in motion. Five minutes, max. It's just surreal and so very sad.

I have loved my husband for 11 years. We had the best of intentions: both of us recovering alcoholics wanting to walk the recovery road together, hoping that the 2nd time around with someone who "understood" would yield lasting results. I'm still sober; he isn't. I would take it all away if he would just want it, BUT HE JUST DOESN'T WANT IT AND I CAN'T MAKE HIM WANT IT.

We had everything: Health, (relative) youth, intellect, humor, shared interests, great sex-life, beautiful house, cars, cats, garden, supportive families, grad-school degrees, 401K plans, joint 12-step programs. Then ever-so-subtley, progressively, slowly - - the disease shifted in him. Missed meetings, a slip, the death of his grandfather, smoking again, depression, another slip, missed work, an argument, a bad cold, stopping meetings altogether, more slips, infidelity, bigger arguments, relapse, job loss, another infidelity, separation, and now we're here. Back to square one with all the denial, shame, and sadness this damn disease can offer.

I am sober, damn it. Fifteen years sober in May. I'm still smart, pretty (for 46), employed, and have the will to go on. AGAIN. Damn, damn, damn. No more enabling, no more codef*ckingpendency, no more drama, no more marrying alcoholics just because I'm one too, no more victim-land, picking people up off the floor because I love them, enmeshed crap.

Allright, I'm done for now. Thanks to all of you that have followed my story since I got here back in October. I appreciate every blatant kick in the ass and tender support I've lovingly received from everyone who offered it.

Spiritual Seeker

" Don't take care of others. It's about taking care of yourself ! "
I heard this message on another thread this a.m.
So sorry to hear that his disease is too powerful in his life.
Your courage, strength, commitment and compassion shows.
((((((((((DetachMe9)))))))))))) to you during this difficult experience.
If only love were the cure for addiction.

Rella927

A lot of power in this Detach and you do want it so onward and upward you will go...you sound good and you know what you want! I wish you nothing but happiness from here on out!

Barbara52

{hugs} Congrats on moving forward to what you need in your life.

Growing

I have grown to love you Detachme9..I am still pretty new...Thank you for this post and the other one in "broken picker"...You process is helping others...it is helping me.

Love to my al-anon family...

denny57

(((detach))) Plain and simple, it sucks. I hope it works for you the way it did for me: true serenity and happiness. Getting there is not easy, but it is worth it.

DII

I just wish I had your courage to go through with the divorce. Good job! Now you can LIVE again!

Good luck and stay healthy!

alahub

46 yrs young...go get girl. You have alot of life to live, and now live well!

FormerDoormat

Here's to the start of your new life.

StayinAlive

Hey baby(said like Elvis) I have a 120 days clean and the gold fish i got last week is still alive but my mom wants me too keep it in my room. We should go for coffee or something.

All lame jokes aside, you have made a major bitter sweet decision forced by the need to survive. The out come will only be sweet. You go girl.

Go for a guy who doesn't drink because he thinks alcohol tastes yucky.

PS. you would like my mom

Loreena

Detachme9, you just told my story like you know me, like you have lived in my shoes, I just filed for divorce myself and I feel just like you do. I feel I wasted so much time and put so much effort into something that never came about. I feel a failure sometimes too but today I feel rejuvinated, revived because I'm not alone. YOu made that come true for me today. I know there was a reason I logged on to SR today. Because of this post.

I'm smiling right now, I hope you are okay and you sound so strong and determined to have some happiness and leave behind the endless broken promises and disasters and all that. Nothing matters more to me today, than to have peace and serenity. I have a wonderful sense of aloneness today, it feels good inside. WOW, I am so relieved. Now all I have to do is get rid of the house, take a few more financiial hits because of his last drunk and break the ties, all of them. I'm getting it done. you have given me so much encouragement. thanks. Good luck.

Don't look back, all you'll see is pain. No more alcoholics for me either, remember you are in recovery yourself (I am 20 years sober myself). think of the danger we put ourselves in by living with an active drunk. not good.

the best to you

Pajarito

DetachMe9- You are brave and I am so proud of you- proud for staying sober, for knowing what you want and for knowing you can get it without your AH. I am so sorry too. You know I am with you on the same journey. I have yet to fill out the papers- fear mostly. But I will get there too. Please keep posting. I get so much strength from you! (((((((((((hugs!))))))))))))

DetachMe9

God I love this place. Thank you ALL for your comments and support.

This is an open invitation to everyone: Super Bowl, my house, unlimited KC BBQ and cookie dough. Just let me know.....

gjfc3

I too feel a bond with you detach!! I am so very proud of you!!! Biggest hugs!