I'm starting to see ...

Old 01-03-2008, 06:58 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: toronto . ontario
Posts: 75
Unhappy I'm starting to see ...

I was talking with a friend about all the drama going on in my life and how the last two years have unfolded . I want that time back ! I'm starting to see how much my niece's addiction has affected my home life . Some examples , I feel like I can't leave my home unattended , I don't really invite friends over that much . I am just in a slump .

My mom has finally gotten on my page with getting her to leave. So in the last two days my niece has been in a rage , she hasn't come home at night , which bothers my mom . She ruined xmas for her mother and grandmother. I think she has finally realized her last hope with my mom has deteriorated . My mother warned her six weeks ago that , the next time she slipped she was out . Today my mom is supposed to drop her off at detox and she has to find her own way from there , I am packing up her room today and putting everything in the garage and changing the house locks !!!

Wish me luck . I can't wait to start feeling better again . I want to see her sober but as sad as this is to even type , I don't think she is close to wanting it for herself . She has a court case going on and she is facing a min. of one year for five counts of trafficing crack . I think that is scaring her to death and the only way she knows how to deal with that is to just stay high .
Mewoman is offline  
Old 01-03-2008, 07:26 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
On a tear
 
BigSis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
We get EXACTLY what we need, exactly when we are ready.



If your niece needs to go to jail, it could be there is someone there she NEEDS to meet, or something there she NEEDS to hear.

Once I heard that, I was better able to get out of the way, and allow my daughter the dignity of learning lessons... instead of me blocking those lessons in order to save her from pain.

The younger we learn the lessons, the less painful they are.



You, dear woman, are sounding very good. It takes what it takes. Your recovery is bright.


Keep up the good work.



((hugs))
BigSis is offline  
Old 01-03-2008, 07:31 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: toronto . ontario
Posts: 75
I have to also add that I am soo proud of myself . I am pretty good at changing door handles LOL !!

It's amazing what I get done without a man's help LOL I love my drill !! I put a screwdriver bit on it and look out !! I'm ready to fix anything LOL
Mewoman is offline  
Old 01-03-2008, 07:34 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: toronto . ontario
Posts: 75
I know once this is all done and she is gone it is going to feel good to see my mother not stressed over her . It breaks my heart to see my mom and my sister go through soo much pain and guilt over her . My mom and sister are soo alike in the way they handle situations with my niece . I am glad to have them both working with me now instead of against me . They were always soo scared to put her out but I am really hopeful that they now realize just how much they have been enabling her for so many years .
Mewoman is offline  
Old 01-03-2008, 08:13 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
GiveLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
You are doing great! (I can't even change a doorknob....need to get down my "Fix It Herself" book and see how that all works)

Trust that she will find her bottom if she goes to jail. You have tried loving her into sobriety and know that doesn't work......time to change those locks and take care of YOU.

Hugs and pride in you!!!!!!
GL
GiveLove is offline  
Old 01-03-2008, 08:25 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Southern through and through
 
Hangin' In's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Mewoman,

There is something very healthy and good feeling about setting boundaries and taking charge of your life. Congratulations to you for doing both!

And re your niece, Big Sis is right. We just never know what it will take to get their attention. I've learn to leave that stuff up to the addicted and their HP.

Hugs and prayers,
Hangin' In
P.S. Gotta love a woman with a power tool!
Hangin' In is offline  
Old 01-03-2008, 12:18 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Jujubee Queen
 
mooselips's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
I love drills, and stuff like that!

Meanwhile, I agree with the consensus here,
She'll get EXACTLY what she needs, exactly when she is ready.


Hugs to you,
and congrats on changing those door handles!
(I don't think I'd know where to start on that job!)
mooselips is offline  
Old 01-03-2008, 03:58 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: toronto . ontario
Posts: 75
If life was as easy as changing a door knob !! LOL I almost went as far as installing a deadbolt ! but if I mess up the door I would have to pay my landlord for it LOL
Mewoman is offline  
Old 01-03-2008, 06:04 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Hug giver-outer!
 
marteen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
The hardest and yet the best thing Mr. M and I ever did was to detached from our active using AD. We have the rest of our family intact and now that AD is acting clean, she really appreciates that we are. She told us that she was so very grateful to us and to God that we didn't allow her stupid decisions to ruin our lives. She said she doesn't know what she would have done if there was nothing to come back to! I never thought about that then but I sure do now.

We gave her her life and the decisions and consequences that go with it. Since she could not live in our lives with us with decent behavior, she had to go and make her own way. Apparently, she found out that her way was not working.

But she never would have found out if we hadn't let her.

Hugs and good luck,
Marteen
Remember, what she does is NOT something you can control. You can only control how much her behavior controls YOU.
marteen is offline  
Old 01-04-2008, 12:07 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
You are doing great!
sleepygoat is offline  
Old 01-04-2008, 05:24 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Bridge CLOSED
 
Elana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I changed the locks and the deadbolts and installed a couple of new deadbolts on my doors. You do need a key hole saw to do a dead bolt.

My XABF was FURIOUS when he found out I had changed the locks. "Why did you cahnge them 'against' me" he said. I told him that it was considered "common practice" for a woman living alone to change the locks when someone, especially a S.O., moved out.

Found out later he went on a tear over this when he got to work that day, flinging his now useless keys across the office. Shortly after this he was "laid off" with no hope of recall.

I am so GLAD he is GONE. LOL
Elana is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:55 AM.