dogfreak

I am new here. Just found the site a few days ago. My AH has been binging off and on for the last couple of years. Lately he can't go longer than two weeks without a beer, and once he has one, it usually leads to 5 days of drinking. He has ended up in the emergency room too many times to count because he can't stop drinking. He tells me the craving is so bad and he either needs medication or a beer. His last binge started on Wednesday and he was trying to taper off starting Saturday. Well, this hasn't really been working. He has been very irritable and acts so crazy sometimes. I get embarrassed when our neighbors see him this way. Finally today he decides he needs help because he can't do it himself, so off to the hospital we go(did I mention how tired I am of this?). We were sent home with librium. It seemed to help for the first few hours, and he was looking so much better. Then he decides it's not working and he can't sleep, so he needs a beer to get through the night. I am so angry and I feel like he is driving me insane. I just want my life to be normal again. I am emotionally exhausted.

best

Welcome to SR

Have a look about and maybe read the posts at the top of the forums (above the blue line) that say "sticky" beside them. You may find some info and answers there and I am sure you will find many people who understand what you are going through here at SR. Your not alone and there are answers.

undrunken

Welcome dogfreak. Your husband may need medication during detox, but continuing to drink is just making the problem worse. It is really good that you are here. It sounds like he would do well to get some help. From another alcoholic who put his family through too much, I pray that he will take positive action. You will find great support here either way.

prodigal

If you want your life to be normal, you'll have to make some difficult decisions. It sounds as if he's content to keep "medicating" himself with booze. Detox and withdrawal from alcohol is a very serious thing and should be done in a facility where a doctor can address the symptoms that crop up - everything from the d.t.'s to sky-high blood pressure.

I'm glad you found us and I hope we can give you support. Let me start by asking if you have any plans or ideas as to how you can get your life back to normal. So you feel as if your AH ("alcoholic husband") is driving you insane. I think it's time that you reclaimed your own sanity and started thinking of ways to not be involved in his insanity. He owns that and he'll have to chose to deal with it, or not deal with it - his choice.

Believe me, I truly understand what you're going through. My AH decided to go on a three-week bender in October. He was in and out of the hospital during that period, wrecked his truck (nobody injured), and managed to swallow 19 Lorazepam tabs in 14 hours so he could "sleep." An anti-anxiety med will NOT make an addict sleep, but I just quit trying to tell him that; thus, he almost O.D.'d.

I regained a good deal of my sanity by making it clear I wasn't getting involved in his shenanigans any longer. If he wants to drink himself to death, that's his choice. If he wants to get sober, that's his choice too. Fortunately, he finally got it through his head that I was seriously done with his mess.

kermit

Wow, I don't know how you do it, I'm with Prodigal, you have some tough decisions to make. Welcome, this is a great place to be, I have gotten sooooo much great advice here

Startingover2

I agree. You are the one who is going to have to be proactive with your own life. Simply waiting on them is like waiting for he** to freeze over. My AH is a binge drinker on the weekends and mixes it with Lorazapam as well. He doesn't see an issue with it as its his way of 'unwinding' after a long work week. I see it as a huge problem. He is in his own home and nothing has changed, but my home is now peaceful.

dogfreak

This has been happening so often lately, and it seems like there is never a bed in a detox facility when he wants one. He does go to the hospital and sometimes they are helpful and other times just send him home. I get so embarrassed taking him so often for the same thing. I feel like he put himself in this position...why do I always have to be the one to help get him out of it. He sure didn't ask for my help when he poured that first beer down his throat.

He did crash my car into a fence on Friday. I really thought that would be the "sobering up" day for him, but, I guess since he wasn't hurt, didn't hurt anyone else, and didn't go to jail it wasn't enough.

How do you all not give in when they get so upset with you for not giving them what they want? He will throw things around, punch holes in the walls, and yell at the top of his lungs. I am scared he will harm our dogs (they are our children) in his fit of rage, so I usually give in which probably just teaches him to continue this behavior. I guess I should just pack up my dogs and leave, but I am worried about what he will do to all of my possessions and what he will do to himself. He has attempted suicide in the past and still talks about ending it. It just seems like even if I stand my ground and don't help him get what he wants, he will find a way to get it. He has pawned stuff before. If I hide his keys, he rides his bike. Wow...I am beginning to see just how sneaky he is.

I am glad I have to go to work later today as it will get my mind off things for a bit, but I also worry about him being home alone. I am realizing that I have no control over his actions. I hope I have the strength to not give in to him again...

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your responses. It truly helps to know others have been in my shoes, even though I wish nobody ever had to go through anything like this.

undrunken

Your post brought back so much. When the ultimatum is for real, even an alcoholic has to make a decision. In my case, I was working out of town, and my wife told me not to come home. She would not take my calls or allow the children to relay my manipulative messages. After a hellish couple of weeks, I was incredibly fortunate to have truly one last chance, and I have not squandered it. Now I am actually doing it for me.

denny57

Welcome, dogfreak, glad you're here!

The lesson I'd apply today is, is he giving me what I want? I've learned I'm the best giver to me of what I want.

Throwing tantrums and punching holes in walls is the behaviour of a child, not a grown man. A great read is "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft.

Al-Anon and individual therapy also helped me, as did learning all I could about alcoholism. Learning and understanding that none of it is my fault really helped.

Keep posting!

Growing

I am a recovering adult child of 2 alcholics. My whole life growing up my mom and dad were both alcoholics. My dad died in his alcoholic disease a few years after I moved out.

You can not save his life by staying.

He has tried to "end it" before.

He is unstable with or without you.

If you leave and he dies...chances are he was going to die.

We want to believe we can save them but we can not.

hope2bhappy

1) You don't, so stop it.

2) You should, so go.

3) He is a master of manipulation, and so far it has worked for him. You aren't responsible for this. My favorite analogy: He doesn't want a wife, he wants a hostage.

4) He will get what he wants, whether you stand your ground or not. You are an enabler. You enable him to continue this pattern of behavior every time you take steps to fix things or try to control the situation. It appears that he is the only one in control -- control of you.

If he wants to go into rehab, then find a treatment center (there are many), check him in and leave him there. The professionals are much better equipped to handle the rantings and suicide threats than you (or your dogs) are. Then, drive away from the facility, go home and enjoy 14-28 days of peace and quite. And go to Alanon.

Keep reading and keep posting.

Barbara52

How long do you want to live with violence and abuse? Are you waiting until he does physical harm to you? Or the dogs?


You can call the policed and file charges and a protective order. You can take action to protect yourself.

As heartless as this sounds, that would be his choice. If he's going to do it, you can't stop him. You can call 911 if he makes threats and have him hospitalized for being a threat to himself and you.

Yup, he will. All you can do is stop any enabling behaviors you are doing. You cannot control him.

dogfreak

You all have been a big help for me. It is so comforting to hear your replies. I basically told him he better shape up or ship out. So far so good. He has not had a drink since New Years Eve. He was very sick yesterday and I was glad that he wasn't trying to take the baby way out of it. He is doing things around the house today and taking responsibility for his actions. I will be using his truck until we can get a rental car. He does know about AA and I have a feeling will get involved again. We will have to wait and see, but at least I have a feeling of relief and just knowing that I have no control over his actions and I am no longer going to take it. I cannot thank you enough for your responses and I will continue to check in here with updates. I am going to look into counseling and alanon.