To Growing:
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Des Plaines,IL
Posts: 187
To Growing:
Hi Growing:
I tried to PM you rather than open a thread, but you have PM's blocked. I wanted to respond to your post, but my thread was closed by Mike before I could do so.
Sometimes family members have differences. The important thing is that we don't harbor resentments towards each other. Those who do only harm themselves.
Thank you for that. I appreciate your comment very much and admire your courage to say that.
I would say, "Take what you find beneficial and leave the rest." Not everything I like is beneficial for me, and not everything beneficial for me I like.
For me, it is the program, too. Honest feedback is what has forced me to focus working on my empathy for those I am being honest with. Honest feedback is what I have found to benefit me the most in the long run. I am not saying that sympathy doesn't have its place in the short run, but in the long run, sympathy does nothing for me. Sympathy gives me nothing to work on to help me get better whereas honest feedback does.
Thank you very much for that. I had no idea that you felt the way you do.
I think that every situation is different. If somebody just suffered a loss and came in here upset, I wouldn't have any problem saying, "I am so sorry for your loss." She wants to grieve her loss; she is not ready to move on, and I have no problem with that. However, when people come in here saying that they are still miserable after leaving their xabf 6 months ago, I am making the assumption that they want to move on with their lives.
I often had to walk a fine line here, and I think no example illustrates that better than Tina. Tina is an addict here at SR who has been struggling with a drug problem, while at the same time she is still grieving the loss of her 21 year-old son 4 years ago.
Thanks for your support and good luck to you.
Peace.
I tried to PM you rather than open a thread, but you have PM's blocked. I wanted to respond to your post, but my thread was closed by Mike before I could do so.
ccrider,
I am new and am not sure what all this is about. Al-anon is like family and I guess this happens in family sometimes?I hope you get to read this.
I am new and am not sure what all this is about. Al-anon is like family and I guess this happens in family sometimes?I hope you get to read this.
Your posts, that I have read recently, meaning, the past month, have really helped me. I don't know how long you have been here or what, ect.
You remind me of the old-timers in my home group and it has been very comforting to me. I know some will say, "What?". It is true.
You remind me of the old-timers in my home group and it has been very comforting to me. I know some will say, "What?". It is true.
I don't know *where I would be* today if not for those who were *tough* on me. There weren't alot of "tough love" people in my group but I highly respected those who were and I listened to them carefully when they shared *even if I didn't agree* with them. What about the slogan, "Take what you like and leave the rest?" people?
I am afraid now that I will begin to stick out on this board and that "tough love" will not be acceptable anymore. Tough love is what I practice when I eliminate a toxic persons influence from my life and when I stop treating myself toxically. To me, that is program.
For me, it is the program, too. Honest feedback is what has forced me to focus working on my empathy for those I am being honest with. Honest feedback is what I have found to benefit me the most in the long run. I am not saying that sympathy doesn't have its place in the short run, but in the long run, sympathy does nothing for me. Sympathy gives me nothing to work on to help me get better whereas honest feedback does.
I found your opinions on this board refreshing for their contrast. To me it was all a part of the balance that I long for.
That being said, I will miss your comments very much. I know it gets hard when you feel alone in your opinions, but your not. Sometimes you say what no one else has the nerve to say. Its like, man, I wish I could say that.
That being said, I will miss your comments very much. I know it gets hard when you feel alone in your opinions, but your not. Sometimes you say what no one else has the nerve to say. Its like, man, I wish I could say that.
"Fuzzy feelings" and "I'm so sorry" ect. isn't your style. I like your style. We have to feel free to speak our mind!?!?
I often had to walk a fine line here, and I think no example illustrates that better than Tina. Tina is an addict here at SR who has been struggling with a drug problem, while at the same time she is still grieving the loss of her 21 year-old son 4 years ago.
Thanks for your support and good luck to you.
Peace.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
I have no idea what this thread is about, but just wanted to comment on grieving a loss.
Time does not heal wounds...acceptance does, and there is no time limit for grief on any loss. Death, divorced, disease of addiction.
My heart was destroyed by the loss of my still breathing, yet dead alcoholic ex husband. I will never not hurt by the loss. Hearts dont magically mend to perfection. They heal, slowly, and the scars remain.
I will never judge someone by their level of grief to determine if they wish to recover. Denial is a major obstacle to recovery, and it can take a lifetime to break thru it. Or it can never occur at all.
Time does not heal wounds...acceptance does, and there is no time limit for grief on any loss. Death, divorced, disease of addiction.
My heart was destroyed by the loss of my still breathing, yet dead alcoholic ex husband. I will never not hurt by the loss. Hearts dont magically mend to perfection. They heal, slowly, and the scars remain.
I will never judge someone by their level of grief to determine if they wish to recover. Denial is a major obstacle to recovery, and it can take a lifetime to break thru it. Or it can never occur at all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Des Plaines,IL
Posts: 187
Originally Posted by Miss Pink 
I have no idea what this thread is about.
As for the rest of your post, I am not here to debate anything. I just wanted to thank her.
Peace.
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
"I would say, "Take what you find beneficial and leave the rest." Not everything I like is beneficial for me, and not everything beneficial for me I like."
When your right, your right...Thank you!
When your right, your right...Thank you!
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