Hope

I want to drink so bad. But I don't want to drink. I'm having a meltdown. I'm freaking out. I'm sad, angry, and I'm panicking. The only money I have to go to school with is high interest but it's the only choice I have right now. It is either take the high interest loan or give up school. I hate my life so much right now. I just want to drink and not have to think or feel anything.

This is also just a bad night for me. Usually, I'd drink on New Years. I'm just freaking out sooooooooo bad. I feel like I need to drink to get through life.

nogard

Hdey Cheryl, You know this will pass, talk to others, use the phone and post here.

I made it to Jan 1st, so will you.

Love Kevin

Rowan

You've been here before, Cheryl - remember to practice self-care, slow down your thinking, and time the cravings if you can. They are actually quite short in duration.
Remember - the obstacles that you face today would be twice what they are if you were to drink - numbing out would only be a temporary fix. Try to find something else - stay in today, and have faith that this too shall pass.
You've come so far - don't give up now!

nandm

Hope, don't give up hope. You are in a position many of us in sobriety have been in and walked through without drinking. Drinking will not make the situation better, it won't change your finances for the better, it won't make school easier, it won't make you feel better about yourself.

I can completely relate to the financial things right now. I am back in school at the age of 42. Having to find a new career after having a solid well paying one for the past 20 years. A back injury from a car wreck ruined my ability to continue working in my chosen field. So now I am having to take out student loans to pay for my school, try and keep my head above water on the regular bills I had prior to school, and make decent grades. Definately not easy but it is do able without picking up. The only thing drinking at it would do for me is set me back farther and take away the opportunities I have today.

You can get through this, even this night normally thought of as party night, without drinking. There are many in worse spots than you or I that will tonight. Hang in there, don't give up, keep posting, stick around here tonight, I am sure there will be others right here with you. Just what ever you do don't throw away all your hard work for a few seconds of drinking.

Take care.
Judith

Anna

You know that drinking is not going to help your financial situation at all, but only make it worse.

Having the high-interest loan may be the best choice for you for finishing your education and getting ahead in the future.

I hope you feel better.

parentrecovers

hang on, hope! be good to yourself! hugs and support, k

Justme57

Hi Hope

This too will pass!
it was new years Eve here, last night, and i was alone too.
I got some choccy, and some bubble bath, put on the Elton John concert, and wallowed !!!!!
I rang a few peeps, ( from the bath LOL TMI) and had a lovely time !

I didnt sleep very well, cos it is as hot as here, and I dont have AC, but I rested, and here it is , new years day, and no hangover, no regrets !!!!

You can do this ................. just for today

HUGX
leigh

Hope

I'm hanging in there. This is the worst place I've been in a *long* time. All I could think of for a moment was "drink, drink, drink". Everything else clouded out.

The high interest loan is 11.49% on $13000. It said the total interest would be $28623 plus the $13000 principle. I don't have a calculator to make sure that is correct but it sounds like a lot. I am too close to graduating to not finish.

Everything is overwhelming me at the moment. I just need to stay sober.

nandm

Sounds like you know what you have to do. Glad to hear it. You can make it through this bump in the road without turning it into a cliff by drinking.

Hope

I have to take it less than an hour at the time now. It is really hard at the moment.

I just can't even really think past this moment.

I'm crying right now but at least I'm sober and crying. Better to be that than drunk and crying. And I still feel angry over stuff.

Anna

Hope, keep hanging around here for awhile.

Feel better!

nandm

You are sooo right. They say tears cleanse the soul. I don't know if that is true or not but I know that it feels better once it is let out. Glad you have made the choice to stick around here for a while.

nogard

Those are pearls Cheryl. Sounds like you need to check out the clacs with someone else as it didn't look right to me. Nothing you can do about it now, so let it go and give it to your HP

Anyway not worth busting over. You won't enjoy it and then the ole head and body will really kick in big time.

Just keep talking.
Kevin

Justme57

Hope, i dont know if this is any help to you ,but it sure helps me over things

The Serenity prayer says "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change"

it seems to me, that at this moment, there is not one thing you can do about your finances, so are you able to let it go for now?

Calculating, and worrying, is not going to change the situation now.

I "self talk " a lot, like :
What can I constructively do about this situation right now
Answer .... nothing
Will me worrying make it any better
Answer ........... no
If I drink, will it change it ?
Answer .......... No

I am then able to put it on the shelf , for when I am feeling better

I know it's silly , butit helps or has helped moi

Hang in there Hope !

HUGX
Leigh

Rowan

Hey Cheryl,

Glad you're still here, feeling the pain, and getting through it. I know it hurts, but it's the only way through something.
I'm having terrible financial problems right now - when my xabf moved out in March, I had to take over the entire mortgage - plus I had just switched to a lower-paying job. So - I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, but it's just a figure in the bank is the way I see it. I'll catch up one of these days. In the meantime, I just keep moving forward, pay what I can and pray for easier times ahead.

bugsworth

Hope, Stay strong...You are that strong and you know it! Don't go back to hell...

The interest is way off on that calculation. Google an interest calculator...it is far less. You can also refinance down the line to a lower rate later on. Please stay tough!

Hope

I feel so much better being here with you guys.

Hope

I am thinking I should just take the loan and get on with my education... I don't want to hold myself up over this.

Hope

I am feeling better!!!!!!! I didn't even think it was possible tonight!

Hope

In about 15 minutes, I can say that I got sober "LAST YEAR"!!

Looking forward to a sober 2008!