Still Struggling
Wanting a new life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 27
Still Struggling
So I was doing so well with not talkiing to my XABF, but I then I gave in and ended up spending the weekend with him. It's so funny how he is able to tell me all the things I want to hear and even though I know it is all ******** I still go back. I guess my mind knows the truth, but my heart still holds on to the hope that maybe he really does want to work on things and get his life together.
He wasn't too messed up on Friday...I mean I know he was taking the oxy's and whatever other pills, but he was still able to comprehend what was going on around him. Saturday was a different story though...he could barely keep his eyes open, his speech was slow and slurred, and he was stumbling around everywhere. We were at the bar in the small town that we are from and I kept looking at him and thinking "My god...I'm too good for him." I was embarassed because I knew almost everyone in the bar and I could only imagine what they were all thinking. Everyone knows him and how he is...all his problems, ect. so I guess it was really no surprise. He was so messed up that it just disgusted me. If I hadn't been with him on and off for so long and I didn't know who he really was then there is no way I could be attracted to that. But that's my problem...I'm still holding on to the past and who he was. I have a hard to facing the reality that he really is a drug addict.
Another thing that bothers me is that we don't have much physical contact at all. We don't have sex...he doesn't even hold me when we sleep next to each other. I'm just wondering if the drugs are making him this way. It's like he's completely detached from me. At this point I wonder what purpose I even serve in his life.
He wasn't too messed up on Friday...I mean I know he was taking the oxy's and whatever other pills, but he was still able to comprehend what was going on around him. Saturday was a different story though...he could barely keep his eyes open, his speech was slow and slurred, and he was stumbling around everywhere. We were at the bar in the small town that we are from and I kept looking at him and thinking "My god...I'm too good for him." I was embarassed because I knew almost everyone in the bar and I could only imagine what they were all thinking. Everyone knows him and how he is...all his problems, ect. so I guess it was really no surprise. He was so messed up that it just disgusted me. If I hadn't been with him on and off for so long and I didn't know who he really was then there is no way I could be attracted to that. But that's my problem...I'm still holding on to the past and who he was. I have a hard to facing the reality that he really is a drug addict.
Another thing that bothers me is that we don't have much physical contact at all. We don't have sex...he doesn't even hold me when we sleep next to each other. I'm just wondering if the drugs are making him this way. It's like he's completely detached from me. At this point I wonder what purpose I even serve in his life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Okanagan BC
Posts: 328
It sounds like you are getting ready for a change. You are not responsible for him. I love hello kitty's question, what purpose is he serving in your life? It is hard to forget the past but you really need to see him who for who he is now. You are to good for him. Happy New Year to you!!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
