Two Frogs
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Thunder Bay
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Two Frogs
My friend told me this story today
If you take a frog and place it on a pot of cold water and put it on the stove it will stay there. If you slowly turn the heat up the frog will adapt to the water and stay in the water where as it gets hotter it will eventually die in the boiling water because it has come to accept the heat of the water as normal. However if you take a frog and put it in a pot of boiling water it will quickly jump out.
She showed me that I'm starting to see hubby's drunken behaviour as being normal when someone viewing it from the outside is seeing it in a different light.
Just thought I'd share.
If you take a frog and place it on a pot of cold water and put it on the stove it will stay there. If you slowly turn the heat up the frog will adapt to the water and stay in the water where as it gets hotter it will eventually die in the boiling water because it has come to accept the heat of the water as normal. However if you take a frog and put it in a pot of boiling water it will quickly jump out.
She showed me that I'm starting to see hubby's drunken behaviour as being normal when someone viewing it from the outside is seeing it in a different light.
Just thought I'd share.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
This is a true story - a scientific study.
And it often happens when we do not love ourselves, and stay in alcoholic relationships without protecting ourselves, our dreams, our feelings, and our needs.
We just get used to the pain, and when they ratchet it up, we get used to that too. There are people here who have been beaten, whose children have been abused, whose husbands urinate all over the house, who have come close to complete financial ruin -- i.e. living on the streets -- because of someone else's relationship with alcohol.....and still they stay, because it has come to seem Normal to them.
That is why AL-Anon is such a good program. You learn how to reclaim your own peace, regardless of what your husband decides to do. You can learn skills that will allow you to support him in his healing if you want (and if he wants to) AND survive if he decides to drink himself to death.
And you don't have to be religious. I wasn't.
It is not up to you whether your husband goes to AA or not. He must choose that path for himself. And your relative has no right to poison you against AA like that, in my humble opinion. Why would he say something like that? Does he not WANT your husband to seek recovery? I'm confused about that.
It is a tough spot you're in. But ultimately, your husband must decide how his life is going to be.....your job is to survive and thrive no matter what his decisions. YOu do have choices. Stick around.....there is a lot of wisdom and strength around here to draw on. It has saved my life.
And it often happens when we do not love ourselves, and stay in alcoholic relationships without protecting ourselves, our dreams, our feelings, and our needs.
We just get used to the pain, and when they ratchet it up, we get used to that too. There are people here who have been beaten, whose children have been abused, whose husbands urinate all over the house, who have come close to complete financial ruin -- i.e. living on the streets -- because of someone else's relationship with alcohol.....and still they stay, because it has come to seem Normal to them.
That is why AL-Anon is such a good program. You learn how to reclaim your own peace, regardless of what your husband decides to do. You can learn skills that will allow you to support him in his healing if you want (and if he wants to) AND survive if he decides to drink himself to death.
And you don't have to be religious. I wasn't.
It is not up to you whether your husband goes to AA or not. He must choose that path for himself. And your relative has no right to poison you against AA like that, in my humble opinion. Why would he say something like that? Does he not WANT your husband to seek recovery? I'm confused about that.
It is a tough spot you're in. But ultimately, your husband must decide how his life is going to be.....your job is to survive and thrive no matter what his decisions. YOu do have choices. Stick around.....there is a lot of wisdom and strength around here to draw on. It has saved my life.
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