anger

Old 12-29-2007, 08:00 PM
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anger

How do you deal with your anger?

Lately I have been so angry with my AH. If he has had a drink I can't stand to look at him. My anger/resentment has hit an all time high.

I try to repeat the 3 C's to myself and that helps a little...
Any advice I know it's not healthy to bottle it up....but exploding isn't good either???

I was just wondering what everyone else does to release their fustrations and deal with their anger?
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:27 PM
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I really dont know if it would help or not, but the first thing that came to me was go for a walk, or try some medatation, talk it out with some one you can trust, ie, a sponsor,
a trusted freind. here, I some times I have this problem too.
They say anger held in, turns to depression.???

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Old 12-29-2007, 09:00 PM
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Originally Posted by geees poncho View Post
I really dont know if it would help or not, but the first thing that came to me was go for a walk, or try some medatation, talk it out with some one you can trust, ie, a sponsor,
a trusted freind. here, I some times I have this problem too.
They say anger held in, turns to depression.???
sports, exercise, shopping, movies, and..........................

target practice????? isn't that a sport
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Old 12-29-2007, 09:13 PM
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I bit mine once.... Not the best thing to do.
Now I say call someone, or go hang out with a friend, or just vent here, we like to listen here. Write, keep a journal it helps to put it on papaer. These are just some things I do
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Old 12-29-2007, 09:19 PM
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I deal with my anger when it crops up by asking myself what it is that is making ME angry. Is it that I can't get the A in my life to shape up and follow my plan for getting sober? Is it that I'm angry at myself for making a poor decision to marry an A? Is it about control issues? Is it about my not getting off my backside and doing something for me rather than watching my A stagger around like a zombie?

I can only answer what triggers my anger and how I've learned to "stick a sock in it." No, I don't implode or explode, I start examining just what it is that is hitting my own personal "buttons." Working out at the gym for an hour releases a lot of pent-up frustration for me and makes me feel relaxed and healthy. Just my way of coping ....

So if you're getting angry at watching him drink, do you have alternatives? Can you go visit family or friends? I practically lived in a bookstore for months when AH was going on mega-benders. After all, who wants to sit around watching a drunk be a drunk? Certainly not me.

Venting can help to a degree, but I believe self-awareness of the why's behind our anger can be helpful.
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Old 12-29-2007, 09:20 PM
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Yeah, I have A LOT OF ANGER myself. It fluctuates with sadness. But anyway,
writing in my journal helps. Also, if I am in the country I collect rocks and throw them into an open field. Or go for a bike ride and pretend my ex is in front of the bike and me and I am going to run him over and hurt him! I haven't done that yet, but I think I will.
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Old 12-29-2007, 09:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Stellargirl View Post
but I think I will.
YOU GO STELLAR, GIVE EM HELL
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Old 12-29-2007, 09:50 PM
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http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...n-t-facts.html

This post help me so, so much in trying to get through what I've been
going through. i knew i was angery, but there was a deep sence of
guilt..I'm actaully quit in person. Probably from walking on eggshells
all my life.

Bascailly i wasn't processing my anger or any of my emotions that
i deem or label as bad or other people's comprehension about feelings.
I thought i was going to go crazy becuase some of those feelings
that society deem as Bad,,so I shouldn't feel them. It's bascailly another
form of denial.

By allowing myself to process my anger...I've havn't done anything
stupid in the real world...i had to go chop trees for a while.

I use to just play my electric guitar and release all my pin up
energy, But i can't do that anymore becuase i damaged my hand.

I used to ride my motorcycle..my GF didn't like it becuase
she deemed it danagerouse when i would hop on my bike becuase
i was angery..true..
But after very bike ride I come back with a smile on my face and
mellow. But it truned into another arguement. She would hide my
keys..and i would be T-off and get more t-off becuase she hid my keys.
The bike had to go of course..

But after reading that post..it took that heavy guilty feelings or
perceptions i had. I've never read it like that before. It was something
new to me.

There's another thread that LaTee posted about getting in touch
with your dark side. It help me too..Becuase i deem anger, hate
as dark or BAD.

I also use to keep a notepad and express all of my emotions on paper.
It's an excersize i got from the course of miracles.
i would call my agf every name in the book..and write exactly how i feel
at that moment. My anger gets release..There's pin hole from me stabing the notepad.lol
It helped me a lot..But i lived with a phyco..
She wanted to anylized all the of the stuff i wrote.
well..my dairy/journal is a person thing.
But ya know...active alki's are crazy. I got kind of T-off that she violate me.
But she dosn't see it like that.lol

Last edited by SaTiT; 12-29-2007 at 10:07 PM.
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Old 12-30-2007, 05:49 AM
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work it thru the 12 steps with a sponsor. works miracles. also, pray for him. prayer promotes forgiveness
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Old 12-30-2007, 06:16 AM
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I found that letting the anger out in safe ways to be very helpful. For instance, I'd find a place where no one could hear me and have the loud angry conversations with my AH, telling him exactly what I thought of him and his choices. Just verablizing it, with no one there helped.

Another thing I did was punch pillows. Or go for long walks.

Once the anger was more manageable, then I had talks with myself about why I was angry and what I was goingt to do to correct what I could. I made plans and set my boundaries.
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Old 12-30-2007, 11:43 AM
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Fantastic thread guys!

(Satit, I hope you will be riding a motorcycle again soon, healing and getting back to guitar...)

Some of you know this is my problem...anger.

Today I realize that the anger is my defense mechanism against getting sad or depressed. But now, when I am angry, I realize that I need to be alone and analyze what is really going on and write it down if necessary. Usually when I do that, I realize something is really making me sad and I get angry to cover it up...not to show weakness which is a left over/useless coping mechanism from my screwed up childhood...funny thing is anger pushes people away, whereas sadness (not depression), is something people can relate to.

I give myself 30min to figure out what is going on and write if down if necessary. Then if it is major...a day to grieve it..then I force myself to move on and I only come back to it on paper to journal...ect.

Obviously, if someone died or something like that, it would take longer...but I choose not to *indulge* myself in depression...because alot of mine is imagined or self-created.

Take what you like, leave the rest.

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Old 12-30-2007, 11:58 AM
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"I'm gonna sit right down and write myself a letter ..." Probably nobody remembers that song. My friend Dale has received quite a few gripe letters from me about R and she has griped back about him. Then we got tired of griping. Then we plotted. Then we got tired of that. Eventually it's all out and over with. Now there's just a ghost that comes and goes and we kinda/sorta wonder if he's still living.

Whether you write it all out, jog it out, or yell it out to yourself, get it out. I didn't when I got divorced and it was a mistake to hold all that in.

In your case, you're still living with your AH. In the case of my dad living here (85 years old), I just walk away and go to the sanctuary of my room. I surely don't want to yell at him about the things he does that irritate me, so I remove myself from the situation.
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Old 12-30-2007, 04:36 PM
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thanks for all the great ideas!

It helps to hear what everyone does. You all just reminded me that confronting him at that time is pointless. I think I shall start a journal. I think I have been avoiding it because that would make it real KWIM? Well it is real and I have to deal with it.
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Old 12-30-2007, 04:40 PM
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Satit thanks for the link what a great post! very helpful
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Old 12-31-2007, 03:56 AM
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Bit late to this thread but...

I like to go off into my own space put on music really loud and sing my head off! Very theraputic.

Lily xxxxxxxx
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