Pilgrim

What happened to the rat bustin thread? Some of the newbies need to bust rat voices.

Luckyv2

not just the newbies but some of us that have those nasty, addictive thoughts.

Surlyredhead

Okay, I will ask.....what the heck is the Rat Bustin' thread?

Rusty Zipper

well, it kind'a turned into a goast town steph...

vic started it surly, for a friend of his...

it kind of turned into the Rat Busters thread...

you see, i call addiction... The Rat!

this is what we battle everyday!

Hello, Old Friend
Hello, old friend: I’ve come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer
mentally, spiritually, and socially. I want to make you restless so you can
never relax. I want you to be jumpy, nervous, and anxious. I want to make you
agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I
want you to be confused and depressed, so that you can’t think clearly and
positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody, especially
yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you have done
in the past, that you will never be able to let go of. I want to make you angry
and hateful toward the world, for the way it is and the way you are. I want you
to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way
things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and
con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no
reason at all. I want you to wake up during all hours of the night and scream
for me. You know you can’t sleep without me! I’m even in your dreams.
I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you
touch before you pass out. I would rather kill you, but I’ll be happy enough to
put you back in the hospital or another institution. But you know that I will be
waiting for you when you get out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I
love to see all the physical damage that I am causing you. I can’t help but
sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the
same time, and when you wake with your sheets and blankets soaking wet. It’s
amusing to watch you make love to the toilet bowl... It’s amazing how much
destruction I can do to your internal organs, while at the same time I am
destroying your brain bit by bit.
I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me... all the friends that you
deeply cared for - you gave them up for me. I am even more grateful for the
friends you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions. I mean
who could be more generous to me than you, you gave up for me the most precious
and important things in your life - your loved ones and your family, and
yourself. I mean, man, you threw them away for little old me!
I cannot express in words how deeply grateful I am for the loyalty and respect
you have for me: you sacrificed all these beautiful things in life just to
devote yourself completely to me. But, do not despair my friend, for on me you
can always depend! In fact, after you have lost all these things, you can still
depend on me to take even more! You can depend on me to keep you in a living
hell, to keep your mind, body, and soul: because I will not be satisfied until
you are dead, my friend.
My name is: addiction!


its called "We Refuse to give up, Dedicated by Vic to his Friend Denise"

all i found steph is this!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-4-a.html


maybe it went down with the ship... lol

anyway

keep bust'n!

stone

I have read a few posts lately that mention 'the voice', we all get it-that thought that jumps into your head saying something like, 'you have been sober 6 months now, you deserve a drink', or whatever it is. The 'voice' doesnt remember when you were in agony mentally and physically, the frikkin PAIN you went through.

I think anything that reminds me people its just a rat-voice ******* is a good thing.

Luckyv2

Well I was only trying at the time to not only save my own azzz but help someone else along the way. Yes we did refuse to give up or give in and it has worked for both Denise and I up to this day. We both are still sober n clean and that is what this is all about. Yeah icing on the cake is learning a new life but the cake is not to use no matter what.

Pat your the best and keep a bustin will ya!

Gezzz I lost over 7,000 post and I am not a whinning YET! LOL

curliQ

Thank you so much. It is now among the works that I will turn to when that rat starts yelling at me.

1963comet

AA could be called a Rat trap.

nandm

Interesting perspective. It can also be called a life saver. Just depends upon how you look at it.

Pilgrim

RZ, Vic. Thank you.

The voice is loud with me today. It is New Year's Eve here. I am alone. The children have gone away. I have been going to meetings but the people I love and my sponsor have gone away on holidays and I feel I am in meetings with strangers. The voice is strong.

The only invitation I have tonight is to a party with the Marines. My exabf invited me as long as I am not a wet blanket. He gets angry with me when he drinks and I can't' think of anything worse. Someone in my homegroup was going to have a bonfire night but it's raining.

I am so frightened. The voice is telling me I can drink tonight. I have five months on Thursday. If I don't go the the party, I will be home alone for New Year.

Apparently there is an 8pm meeting I have never been to on a Monday night.

I don't know if I am more scared of being alone at New Year or drinking. Well - I do actually. I am more scared of drinking. It's just this damn voice that likes me to have self pity. I hope my programme works today. It's a big test.

Aa_vark

Hey Pilgrim,

how are you?

If i were you, with the choice of being alone or drinking, i would definately go for being alone. My first few newyears eves were tough. I found an AA dance to go to. Out of 800 people, i knew maybe 5. But it was safe. And its always easy to meet a friend at those sober events. Somebody once told me that in AA, there are no strangers, just friends you havent met yet.

I just wanted you to know that you probably have more choices then you're admitting too. Sometimes addiction tells me that im alone and hopeless and screw*ed anyway; so why not get wasted. I know that it is a lie, and wonder why my head wants to kill me... Thats the disease. ... I'm not doomed, though. As long as i dont pick up, things could and will and have gotten better...

My homegroup is having a big sober bash. Also, we have alcothons, with around the clock meetings through theese holidays. There are tons of visitors in town for the holidays, some sober and a few not so sober. I have learned that if I feel helpless, or im not getting the help that i need, helping strangers and newcomers keeps me sober no matter what...

If you're going to be around drinkers tonight, leave yourself an out... you can always call someone from the program, or say you had to leave because something came up, or you got a phone call. Maybe you should drive yourself to that party... Non alcoholics sometimes think that we can have just one drink on an ocassion.. As an alcoholic i know i can not... pick up the first one and all bets are off, it takes something horrible to stop me again... one is too many and a thousand is not enough....

Dee74

Hey Steph

I'll be around tonight. Call me Nigel (No Mates)
LOL

it's tough - but sounds like this is a fear you're facing - fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, of loneliness...drinking won't help. We both know that.

and...you're not alone

D

Luckyv2

Awe I feel for you and for all of us because this deal isn't easy but it is doable. I have fallen into a very deep depression lately! It isn't easy dealing with it either. All I can say is I wish you luck and yeah there is a lot of luck to doing this deal.

I don't know how things are with you but I can see where you are coming from. All I have in my life today in my dog Chance and me. I haven't taken any anti-d's for two weeks now because well ............

When I am clean I struggle with it because of the program of NA and where it talks about mood or mind altering chemicals, substances, whatever the word is. So here I am almost 20 months clean and feeling more alone than I have felt for a long time.

The medication (anti-d's) had me to where I couldn't feel feelings. Now being off of them I have been sitting here crying almost all day. I feel alone. Even told a few people that I won't be posting much...sad but addiction and the crap that it does to us I wouldn't wish upon anyone. We are sensitive people and I only hope that you can find some sort of relief the next hours or so. Just don't use OK that won't help and it isn't easy to get back those months when we do pick up I have done that already in my time as being a member here. Just hang on no matter what and I will also

Dee74

Hang in there Vic...I'm not in NA of course but to my mind medication is medication.
Anything that is prescribed for us to help us to live better fuller lives...is a completely different kettle of fish.

have you tried different meds ?
Sometimes ya gotta find the right one, you know ?

peace out
D

awake121207

Pilgrim and Vic,

You're not alone. That's why we're here in SR--for each other. Jump on the new Rat Bust'n thread that Rz just started, or get the New Year thread going now. Whatever it takes to keep quit. We're almost out of this holiday stuff--gotta get through

Pilgrim

Awww. Thanks guys. I think it got worse. Exabf threw a curve ball. He asked me to dinner and then the party. I said I would love to have dinner and then go home if he didn't drink. He promised. But I think he is drinking now so my chance to put plans in place might have gone. I just rang him but no answer. I don't think the dinner thing is going ahead somehow. We don't have any group parties. I so wish we did. I would be there in a flash.

I went to work. Did some good stuff there. I went shopping for some spare blades for my son's microhelicopter which I wrecked flying it around my front room when I was bored. I walked back to work slowly passed my old drinking joint but didn't go in. I saw bands getting ready and my old buddies already well on the way to getting trashed. Boy - I am so mad with this voice. I says I can get smashed tonight and go back to sobriety tomorrow. I want to get wasted so badly and I know I can't. And I don't want to as well. It's messy right now.

Thanks for being here with me. I love you guys. Thank you thank you thank you.

Dee74

Steph

Hope to see you on here tonight sometime telling me that everthing is fine

D

Pilgrim

Heard from exabf. He still sober. Looks like I will have dinner and company after all. 6 hours to go. I just want this to be over.

((((((((((Vic)))))))))))
((((((((((D))))))))))))
((((((((((AV))))))))))
(((((((((awake))))))))

awake121207

Sounds like things are looking up! Will you have a plan for a way out if you need it? Drive yourself, or take a taxi if you need to get away from a bad situation?

Have fun and be safe!

Dee74

hope it all goes well Steph

D