aztchr

My 3 1/2 year old niece woke up today crying and asking for her mom. (my addicted sister)
My parents tried to comfort her and she got really angry, not at them, but because my sister wasn't there. She's been having tantrums and really acting out. She's very frustrated and it's wearing on my parents. I try to be there when I can, play with her, read, do activities, etc. but I know it can't take the place of a mother.

If you are raising your grandchild or parenting a young child while the addict is away, what do you tell the child? How do you deal with behavior management?

I've mentioned to my parents that my niece can sense their frustration, anger, etc. and they need to try not to let her see their pain.

Nina Kay

Hi aztchr,
I'm so sorry that you are having to witness this deep sadness and other trauma that your neice is going through and I know that you are hurting too. I would probably tell her that Mommy's not well right now and that's why she's not there with her. I'd reassure her that her Mommy loves her very much but she's just too sick to take care of her right now and she'll be back with her whenever she gets well.

We had to tell my grandbabies that my addict son broke the rules and had to go to a place where they put big people in time-out, when he went to jail and then to prison. They seemed to understand it alot better that way.

I've always heard that kid's tend to think it's their fault when their parents leave for any reason, so I would think that it'd be very important to make sure that she always believes her Mommy loves her and that it wasn't her fault that she left.

Keep coming back here because there is strength in numbers and you'll recieve alot of support and encouragement which I know that you must need right now.
(((((((((((((((Caring Hugs))))))))))))))))

Ann

I agree with Nina Kay, reassure her that it's not her fault and maybe tell her mommy is sick and needs to be by herself right now.

How sad to watch the children try to figure this out. God bless the child.

Hugs

hello-kitty

I tell my 2 1/2 year old:

Daddy loves you very much but he is very far away. He will see you when he can. But that's ok.

Then I try to distract him with tickles or a book and that usually works.

Don't give them more information than they ask for. And always put the responsibility of seeing them on the missing parent.

I know it's very hard. My brothers little girl is 3 1/2. Her mother is a flake. Sometimes when she gets in trouble with her dad she tells him she wants her mommy. In that case, it's typical toddler behavior. But the answer works the same.

Mommy is far away but she loves you very much and she will see you when she can.

Coleen

My heart goes out to you. I am raising my grandsons for the same reason. It has been over four years now. The best advice I can give is to talk about Mom in a positive light whenever she asks about her. There will be a lot of acting out on her part because she knows something is wrong but doesn't understand. Part of it could also be because Mom didn't (couldn't) always give her the attention she needed when she needed it and she's simply struggling to obtain the attention she needs. NinaKay gave some good advice with using things she can understand, like "time out". We assured the boys their Mom was safe, that she was sick with an "adult" disease, that she missed them and was trying to get better so she could spend time with them. Fortunately that is true. She's been clean for about 6 months now and is starting to visit on a more regular basis. It's tough, but love conquers all.

Coleen

aztchr

(((Sending strength to all of you, too!))))