nynygal

A friend of mine that I see a couple of times a year has very odd behavior lately and I'm wondering what it could be. I know that she is most likely an alcoholic (drinks vodka constantly, hides it, etc.) but I know there is more going on. When she is in town to stay with me, she leaves the apartment two, three or four times a day to "run errands" where she can disappear for an hour or two and accomplishes nothing. She has three children and I know for a fact that she leaves them in the car when she goes into stores to pick up "one or two things" and then returns to the car 45 minutes later. She will go to sleep very late and then get up at 5:00 or 6:00 in the morning and leave to go to the store or something like that.

Apart from this behavior she seems to be very functional. I mean, when you talk to her there are no noticeable signs that something is going on although I have seen her shaky in the morning but that may be from the alcohol? By nature, she is very impatient and demanding....high maintenance but she has always sort of been like that.

I just am looking for some way to figure out what is going on. Confronting her on it without facts would most certainly drive her away permanently and I really want to figure it out for her children's benefit.

Any insight someone could provide would be very much appreciated. Thank you.:praying

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!

It could be drug use, but it's hard to say, since she's known for sneaking alcohol. If she starts having cash problems, I would say it's drugs. I'm a recovering addict and when my money ran out, I would immediately be trying to get more.

More will be around to welcome you and give you a little insight.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

hope213

welcome to S.R.it sounds to me like she is on a drug but i do not know what. i am sorry for her & her children. if she is taking drugs it is only a matter of time before everyone will know it. it only gets worse. i will say a prayer for her & her children. there is nothing you can do to help her. i am sorry about all of this. i am glad you have found us. keep coming back & let us know how things are going.

Easeful

When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. I thought my son was using, because of symptoms very similair to the ones you describe. Two days before his psychotic break, he tried to do two things, to visit an old teacher and to get to the Dr. He spent the entire day on these two things and could not accomplish either. Six days into his melt down his diagnosis is mild schizophrenia (he tested clean by the police and the hospital for drugs and alcohol)

marle

If she is an addict, she probably won't be functional for long. Addiction is progressive and you need to protect yourself. Addiction knows no boundaries and the addict will lie, steal and use you to get their drugs. Even if she is not using illegal drugs, if she has an alcohol problem it will progress. Prayers for the innocent children. They are the true victims in this. Marle

miss communicat

Have you asked her where she goes? Have you asked her why she leaves the 3 kids in the car while she shops (which is illegal in NY, btw)? Have you asked her what's up with all the errands that are so emptyhanded?

Asking direct questions is not the same thing as confrontation. It is simply you being honest,and straightforward with your curiosities and you doing what is nescsessary to maintain your sanity as well as a sens of safety if needed for the children involved.

Should these simple, innocent questions "drive her away" from your life, then you've got more information that you can process at that time. But, possibly, perhaps she has truthful answers for you, her friend. Perhaps she IS using drugs and she will tell you. Cross that bridge if you come to it. Perhaps she is seeing some guy out there. On and on, the imagination goes.

Sorry we can't tell you her story, but we are interested in you. How do you feel, besides preoccupied with the gaps of information, about this relationship? Does it feel positive and healthy for you to be in it?