tkdan

In order to be honest with myself I need to be honest with others. I had a Christmas get together on Friday and I drank myself sick. To make it worse I drank some last night. I'm at day one again errr. I really don't know why I did it. I know the only treatment for alcoholism is to not drink. It is so simple. Why must I make it so difficult?

Rowan

Welcome back - don't be too hard on yourself, many of us failed in our early attempts at sobriety. Thanks for your honesty - what do you plan to do differently this time?

Aysha

We all make it difficult on ourselves. Otherwise everyone would be clean and sober with no problems.
Honesty is great. I think it is very important in recovery.
And noone ever got it right the first time. I dont think anyway.
Read my sig. Just brush them shoulders off. Learn from it and always keep trying.

Treasure2Find

Actually you’re not really that far off; In order to be honest with myself I need to be honest with others. You said it right, in order to be honest with myself I had to take an inventory and then share it with God and another human being. Also in order to recover, not drinking is the first step. I couldn’t get that right until I hit bottom, I was broke busted and not to be trusted. I hurt and I hate, I hurt and I hate everyone. I couldn’t stand you I couldn’t stand me and wanted nothing more to do with life. It was then and only then did I decide ask for help and get honest with myself and others.

Turns out I was only as sick as my secrets.....

Today I have issues, my last post proved that but I don’t have to drink anymore. The pain I am going threw today is nothing compared to the pain I had to go threw in order to find a solution. I was willing to go to any lengths to ruin my life so I became willing to go to any lengths to save it.

awake121207

Well done on the honest fresh start!

Day one . . . frankly I think the wise are always on day one--at least from what I have been reading on this site. The fact that I didn't drink yesterday might mean that I'm not hungover, but It sure doesn't mean yesterday will take care of me today.

Don't be hard on yourself . . . and don't drink today.

Wishing you peace and strength

Tazman53

You are so right there Dan, for me I had to get brutally honest with myself and those around me, I had to be honest enough to admit that I had no power over alcohol once I drank even one drink, this only took me 10 years to learn!

In reality though the 2 most important things I had to get honest with myself about were:

1. My way of staying stopped drinking did not work because the only thing I did was not drink, yet somehow I kept on winding up getting drunk by simply not drinking!

2. I had to be willing to do what ever it took for me to stay stopped.

Read the book "Beyond the Influence" you will learn that scientist have found that alcoholism is a mental, physical, & a spiritual disease that there is no cure for and the only way found so far to arrest the disease is for an alcoholic to change who they are and not drink!

The physical addiction of the disease can be quickly be overcome by simply not drinking aka detox which in many cases needs medical supervison.

The hardest part begins now for the alcoholic and that is overcoming the mental obsession with alcohol and the only thing that has proven to have the highest success rate is a program that results in the alcoholic changing them selfs spiritually (Not religously).

As an alcoholic changes the way they are into a person who understands them selfs and how to function in the world around them, becoming a better person all around they find that the obsession for alcohol leaves them, for some this comes quickly, for others slowly, but if the alcoholic puts forth the work to change them selfs as a human being the obsession for alcohol will leave them.

I found myself drunk many times over the years when I was trying to just quit drinking my way after not drinking for days, weeks, months, one time even a year and a half wondering "What happened?"

I finally learned what was happening, the only thing I was doing was simply not drinking, I did not change one thing about me as a person! Oh yes I may have exercised more, spent more time outdoors and with my family, but I was still the exact same person who drank because I had not changed a thing about ME!

Trust me, I knew I was the greatest thing that ever happened, I could do anything I put my mind to, I carried a 4.0 average in college, I got promoted ahead of schedule, I got jobs that I wanted......... I was the man and I did it all myself and MY WAY!!!!! There was nothing I could not do MY WAY and alone!!!!...................... except stop and stay stopped drinking!

I have learned that I was a very self centered egotistical person that blamed the world for everything and anything that went wrong for me!!!!

It was not until I escaped my self will that I was able to become happy, joyous and free, free even of alcohol. How did I escape myself, the only way possible, I changed who I was into who I am today and I continue to work on who I am every day..... one day at a time, not drinking is actually a very small part of my recovery, you see I had to recover from SELF in order to recover from alcoholism.

tkdan

Thanks all. Taz I appreciate your input. I have to accept the fact that my way is not working. I too need to make changes about myself. While my sobriety is my responsibility I need to quit trying to do it all on my own. I think being self centered goes hand in hand with being an alcoholic. I've always made not drinking the most important part of my recovery. I guess I need to change my way of thinknig and my understanding of sobriety.

Tazman53

It sure does with me, I catch myself all the time back sliding, in comparison to how I used to be I am doing great, but realistically speaking I need to have people that love me and know me call me on it...... getting to full of myself and forgetting the world around me.

It is odd to me how it used to be I found no greater joy then accomplishing something that brought recognition to me, now my greatest joy is seeing the joy in others eyes. I look back on how I was and shake my head, how in the heck could I have been that self centered? My alcoholism I have found is why! Do not get me wrong I know some folks without a drinking problem that have an ego the size of the moon!

finally

You are not alone. I'm back to day 2. I've got stupid excuses & new stratagies planned. Trying to not lose hope. Just wanted to let you know, you've got company.

kelsh

Hi tkdan,

You are doing right by coming back here and being honest with yourself as well as others.

I took 14 years to get back from my last relapse so know how it feels...a big old sick feeling in my stomach that I had relapsed and couldn't stay sober any length of time by myself.

The best of luck and keep coming back. :ghug2

kelsh

CarolD

Many of us had false starts before we found solid recovery.


AA is where I found a way to stay sober.

Blessings

curliQ

I'm with you on the ego. When I drink it's because I can't handle things and things are too much for me. Of course heaven forbid I ever ask for help because I am perfect and can handle anything. Somehow in my mind failure is disgusting but drinking so I don't fail is justifiable. Then again, I guess anything becomes justifiable at some point. Coming to terms with how much of my drinking depends on how I feel as opposed to how I am making others feel is a big deal for me. It makes me get over myself.

dave47

As others have said TK, well done for being honest. If we can't be honest then we kid no one least of all ourselves and then we will always fail, best wishes.

tkdan

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. Today is day two. I did not sleep very well but I'm not tired. I actually got up early and was able to have some guiet time. I'm still considering my options and what changes I need to make. That's all for now, type to you guys later.