prodigal

I made up my mind last night that this is the last Christmas I'm gonna sit home in this mess. I'm taking two courses this upcoming semester and then I only have to take one math course in summer school and I'll have my bachelor's degree! That degree is gonna pay off 'cause I feel it in my bones - my ticket outta this cukoo's nest.

AH did the usual booze-a-thon and I calmly held my ground. As I posted in another thread, AH did start whining that he "wanted Christmas" this afternoon. He even got a sudden urge to kiss me. That urge was NOT fulfilled. Puuleeezzeee - try kissing me when you're sober! Okay. Fine. So have Christmas already. Just excuse me for not wanting MY Christmas to be hanging around with someone who is staggering drunk and who hasn't bathed in four days. He started fussing at me, and I just told him he could have Christmas every day of the year if he wanted, but as for me I wasn't going to have Christmas on HIS terms forced down my throat. Hey, like he's gonna remember any of this anyway.

One thing I did feel was a tremendous sorrow for him. I may have sounded hard-hearted in the previous paragraph, but actually I just felt sad that someone who had everything going for him would throw it all away. His choice. I'll continue to pray for him, I'll continue to wish him well, and I'm not gonna sow a field of bitterness over it, but I'm not gonna live like this - merely surviving. We get one go-'round in this life and I've wasted too much time glommed onto someone else's life and their addiction. Jeesh!

Now I'll go see what I've got recorded on TiVO ... I think I need a few episodes of "Frasier" to get back into laugh-mode!:ghug2

shakarris

I know you have heard it before.. and probably said it but are we living with the same guy. For the last four days including today my A has been boucning off the walls.

Today was the worse for me.. not sure if you read my post as I do not post often, mostly read and try to learn but he told me he is leaving first of the year due to the fact that this is the most toxic relationship he has ever been in. HUH??? Anyways, I always have dinner at my XH house with the kids, my sister and her family, XH's GF, the whole gang - last year my A was so hammered he fell through the door - this was thier intro to him uuggh thier response to this intro was - great she is dating her Dad (yeah my dad was an A)- this year he walked through it only to fall out when we left. I just wish he would feel for me just once. My kids hate drinking, drugs and smoking (yeah for me) - I have an occasional drink but even that is not fun anymore. So I am sure we were talk of the group again.. not that I care - they are my familty and love me but they worry about me

I swore he was not gonna suck my Christmas spirit out of me but he did it - passed out and 2 hours ago and now I am so mad I cannot sleep

Oh well guess there is always next year...

shakarris

daddyslittlegir

Well if it's gonna be what you want next year you're gonna have to make it what you want! Maybe by next year you will have left your A, and will be spending a great christmas with this great family of yours, with or without someone next to you. Don't just settle! Find someone great, you've done it once before (having a husband) so make the people you are with everything you want and more, and by the sounds of it, watching someone fall through a door isnt what you want. I pray that next christmas it is everything you have envisioned throughout the year, start picturing it now, if you can see it, it is more possible. I hope to hell you kick this man out or just leave, hell if he has to live on the street, if that's what your happiness costs so be it, because you are the only person who can make you happy. He needs to make him happy, you cant do it. Just do for yourself, PLEASE! Life is too short for either of you women to live with someone like this. If its the last thing you do take this blessing of this guy moving away from his "toxic relationship" (what!?!?! you don't enable his drinking enough to his liking??) and make sure he is out of your life January 1st! Today is not the worst for you, people have prayed for you, and this is God's solution, for him to up and leave, is what is meant to be, so seize it!

This post was for both of you shakkaris and prodigal, however you do it, get out! I'd be saying the same thing to my mum if my dad wasnt trying to recover and if he acted that way.... It'll kill your kids to see you deal with this shakkaris, I know how i felt when things were bad. Don't set this example for them. You both have a ticket out of this pattern as prodigal said, it won't happen tomorrow or the next day, but set your goal!

Next Christmas will be different for both of you, but only if you make it.

shakarris

Thanks DLG, Oh I know - I am sitting here going through it all in my head -n he acts like nothing is wrong when sober as most do but I am sure he thinks I am not going to ask him to go just as he said he was going to. I need him to go.. I need to get on with my life - my gosh I am going to be the big 50 this year and I have so much living to do.

I hold no grudge really, if this is what he wants for his life so be it .. it is just that I deserve more.

I just do not want to fight about it - I want him to just slip away and leave me to... I am just too tired to fight anymore

shakarris

FormerDoormat

Frazier is a good mood lifter. So is Everybody Loves Raymond. I'm really getting into that show lately. And the first episode of Idol is coming on January 15th. The tryouts are the best part of that show IMHO.