scaredykat

Hi guys,

Can't be on long. Going to in laws for Christmas dinner.

I just wanted to share how hard this Christmas has been for me. Yesterday my emotions were up and down like a roller coaster. I went to 2 meetings yesterday. I needed them so bad. I wanted to cry on and off yesterday and i had anger about not being able to drink for Christmas. I didn't expect this to be so hard.

This morning i was so depressed and didn't want to get out of bed. I finally got up at 11:30. Then I bawled my eyes out for a long time when I seen what time it was. I had to give my kitty's their Christmas presents and take their pictures like i do every year. So i finally done that when i got myself gathered together.

I don't feel like going to my in laws for dinner, but I'm going for my husband. I'm not very social today. I rather stay on here with you guys. Maybe I'll be on later if my sister-in law lets me use her computer. If not I'll be on latter when i get back home.

Anyway, I'm going to my meeting tonight. It's on of my favorites. We read out of the living sober book. I need that today. It's simple.

I'm 94 days sober today. It's a miracle, and i am glad. It just really sucks how i have to feel for the holiday.

Talk to you guys latter.

Barb

awake121207

Barb,

Hang in there! Mega-congrats on the 94 days. Maybe try not to expect too much of yourself in terms of how you think you should feel (or when you get out of bed). Rather the victory is in not drinking today despite what you expect?

You might not feel what you'd like, but you have our admiration and support.

Dee74

sorry you're feeling down Barb... hope things level out. Just don't pick up, ok? If you get back on I should be here, mate

D

Anna

Hi Barb,

The Christmas season does tend to mess with the emotions. We've been house-hunting this week and I have found that I am more emotional than usual. It has taken on more importance in my life, than it would normally. I hope you have a good evening and check in later.

curliQ

You're doing great hun!!! You're husband will appreciate you all the more. Cry if you want to, go through it, and let it go. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. But I find if I don't let it out then I really want that drink.

Captain Kirk

i hope your day's going better Barb :ghug3

Rowan

Hi Barb,

I just spent 24 hours with family. There was a lot of booze, and some dope. Something was wrong with the laptop I was using and I couldn't access SR - I was getting stressed! So I went and lay down with my dog and had a nap, something to eat, and then came home. Tonight I am going to a friend's house for xmas dinner - she is in the program as will other guests. I'm tired but looking forward to some fellowship!
I'm glad you're doubling up on your meetings - you'll get through this, Barb, and the next occasion and the next and so forth. It really does get easier. Just keep coming back!
Proud of you
Merry Christmas

Impurrfect

(((Barb)))

I agree with awake....don't be so hard on yourself about how you feel or when you woke up. You've had a stressful few weeks....worried about Tammy and preparing for Christmas....maybe this is just the aftermath.

Just because we're in recovery doesn't mean we aren't entitled to bad days...as long as we don't pick up, we'll be okay. I STILL have days when I want to throw myself a pity party and stay in bed all day. Now I only give my pity-party 5 minutes, then remember what I have to be grateful for, and make myself get up and do something. We all find what works and the fact that you're going to extra meetings is great!

You're doing awesome, hon....give yourself a pat on the back! (then give the kitties some extra loving from aunt Amy )

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

nogard

((((((((((Scaredy))))))))))))

scaredykat

Thank you everyone. I'm feeling a little better tonight. The food was good at my in laws house. That helped a lot. Sometimes food makes me feel better. I was in the HALT danger zone today too. Hunger, angry, lonely, and tired. I don't think i had all 4 at the same time before.

I got my meeting in a hour. I'm looking forward to seeing my friends there. There's a couple of them there that i knew in the 90's when i was in AA the first time. Thank god my old friends are around yet in the rooms.

Dee74

glad you feel better Barb

D

Hevyn

My sympathies, too, Barb - I'm right there with you. I had a rollercoaster day & since my husband had to work & even puppy slept all day I was totally alone in a silent place. No one around this resort on Christmas Day and all friends and family busy with their own festivities. It isn't that I was tempted to drink (could've walked up the road to 7-11 & bought beer...) I was just so damn mad that I couldn't have the fun I used to have. That was so long ago, though!! Drinking hasn't been fun in ages! Why can't I always remember that?!? I'm getting tired of the same old whine about the past though, it's time for me to move on and be happy during the holidays in a different way. I think once a calendar year goes by and we face each season without our "friend" and companion - we'll learn to live again in a new and better way.

scaredykat

Yup, that's what I've been told. The first year is the hardest and it gets better and better every day. That's pretty much what I've been grabbing on to today.

Maybe I'll go shopping tomorrow and spend my Christmas money. That will be fun. The book store is my favorite.

Airborne 38

Barb,

Both you and I are lucky that there are dozens of people who want to spend Christmas with us. You went, and I stayed home alone. I can tell you that no matter how you felt today, you did the right thing.

You've got a lot of courage. Keep being courageous. I'm going to work on my courage: letting go, helping others, helping myself.

It's both electrifying and scary to write this. The fact that you did what needed to be done helped me. Thanks. I'm going to check in to this site in Christmas 2008. I'll do my best to help someone like you've helped me.

-- Tom