cooper

I am scared, the christmas tree is up , pressies under the tree, 3 year old and 6 year old so excited that santa will be here tonight and i feel my gut is tightening just waiting for another let down. In 6 years my AH has made my Chritmas a missery. We´ve been to the psych twice this month and he has agreed to start taking the drops ? cant think of the name of the medication that makes them sick if they drink alcohol??? any way he still hasnt taken them and I know he is wanting to keep drinking until the 31st ( his 40th Birthday) One side of me just thinks let him do it, let him keep drinking until then, I cant force him. He is never drunk drunk. He gets sad he has emotional changes and then anxiety attacks. The promises!!! So far from family during this time of the year is not much fun and Christmas is not really celibrated here so I try to do my best for my little family. Big Big Christmas hugs to everyone who believes in it and just as big hugs to those who dont. Fingers crossed!!:day4

mushroom

Oh Cooper, Feliz Navidad! and big hugs for you and your children too.

You're right, you can't control AH's drinking, and hard as it is for you to be so far from family, the stress is even more unbearable for alcoholics - they just can't cope with stress except by drinking. There's nothing magical about his 40th birthday, he's just making excuses, but you have to detach from all that.

How did your visit to the shrink go? were you able to communicate your side of the story? I remember you had a post worrying about communicating your feelings to the shrink in Spanish.

prodigal

Christmas seems to be a time when the A's in our lives go into overdrive. They act out, act up, carry on, drink too much, argue, throw a fit to drum up some drama. Sigh. I'm happy mine is passed out this year. Better than a few of the fits he threw in the past.

Don't get your gut in a knot over him. Focus on your children and giving them the best Christmas possible. Let him do what he chooses to do. Yes, it is difficult to do, but if you focus on the children's joy he won't take front stage center.

If he wants to be miserable and maudlin, let him be so.

ICU

That's pretty much what I was thinking too!

Enjoy Christmas and your precious little ones sense of wonder and joy, Cooper! These are the days they will look back on with smiles in their hearts when they're older! And so will you!

Barbara52

I think Prodigal nailed it. Give yourself and your children the happiest holiday possible and detach from AH as much as you can. And remember, it is, in many ways, just another day. The kids will be happy and you can not put unreasonable expectations out there for the day. It will be what it wil be.

cooper

When he takes me in his arms and says yes we are going to have a great Christmas together and then the let down the inevitable, I just thought this time he would really try, he didnt drink much last night maybe two glasses of wine, but then the anxiety attacks which kept him up all night and me too ( not that I let him know that I was), and then he woke to watch the kids undo their pressies and I gave him his which I was paying off for the last four months and then he went back to bed ( I think he had taken soething during the night to over come the anxiety). The kids had a ball I sat with them putting together the toys and then I had to work and they went to Grandmas. I received no kisses let alone a gift. I thought the gift would be him stopping??? stupid hey! and last night over dinner he announced to our friends this is his last drink! This morning with his coffee he had the nip of our local spirit which is what they all have.... I need to find away to get out to let go with out damaging the kids.??!! kisses all and thankyou, must go at I am at work!!!!

CBrown

I do not handle broken promises very well. I was raised "if you say you're going to do it, do it." Maybe it's because I'm still a kid at heart, I don't know.

Your AH is doing the same as my XABF did. All the promises, all the anticipation, and all the letdown. I couldn't take that kind of a lifestyle where a better tomorrow never comes. I couldn't watch him kill himself either. Part of me is curious what shape he is in, but I cannot get sucked back into that again. He's engaged to someone else now anyway, another great excuse to stay out of his life!

I wish you a Merry Christmas. Please do whatever you can to bring yourself peace.