Startingover2

Its the weekend. Another weekend. For me the weekends mean wondering if he is drinking (a given) and what he is doing. I know I need to stop it and start living my life and prepare for this baby but its so tough. I guess that is the classic codie in me now.

I hardly heard from him all week. His sober moments. The ones where he is angry with me because I am shutting him out of the baby's life. Yesterday comes (Saturday) and I start getting the friendly "checking on you and my baby" texts. They proceed through the day wondering really random stuff like if I have opened my xmas gift from him yet. Then another early evening wondering how we were doing again...like he never asked before. I can tell he is drinking and probably on the lorazapam. Today will probably be some of the same.

I miss the old him. This is not how life is supposed to be for us now. We were married. We have a baby coming in a few short weeks. How can he profess his love for her (and even me at times) and keep on living this life away from his family like this is great? I don't get it. I would be fighting tooth and nail for my family. I drew the boundary and he just went "ok". Like it was fine with him.

Damn him for making me make decisions now about this child that I really don't want to make. Do I want him in the delivery room? I want him there so much. This is supposed to be a really bonding moment for us and baby. What should her last name be? How involved should I let him be? These things shouldn't be issues!

Sorry for ranting this mornign......on with my day!!!

geees poncho

I really hate these curve balls that life throws us.
Its hard to believe that some day we will be gratefull
for them, but that is usealy the case. Good luck,
& congrats on the baby. the most important thing is
that the baby is healthy, and is loved.

Growing

I don't have any helpful words, just know that I am praying for you and I hate this disease. It is so not o.k. that you are going through this. This disease is baffling.

Know that we love and care for you.

Growing

Startingover2

You all are so great here......thank you and I pray for everyone often as well.

prodigal

Have you ever read "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. She discusses how the death of our dreams are the most painful losses we can suffer. As long as he's drinking, he's not coming back.

I understand that you don't get it and cannot figure out why anyone in their right mind wouldn't be fighting to save the family ... but he's NOT in his right mind, is he? Booze is numero uno. He's doing what addicts do; namely, being self-absorbed, self-serving, and saying to heck with you - unless he decides he wants to be involved on his terms.

I am not in your position, so I certainly cannot tell you what to do. I still live in the same house with my AH, but I don't have much of anything to do with him beyond superficial interaction. Christmas somewhat stinks, to say the least, but I go out and do my own thing and just leave him to his own devices.

The issues you are facing shouldn't be issues, but you're dealing with an addict here. I would not want my child being raised or exposed to a parent in active addiction.

I can only tell you what my best friend did 23 years ago when her son was born. Her exAbf was the father and at that time they were living together. Her mother flew out to be with her and was in the delivery room - apparently exAbf was out getting drunk somewhere. My girlfriend did not put her ex's name on the birth certificate, she gave her son her own last name, and she moved with her baby from Denver back home to the Washington, D.C. area when he was about a year old. She did take her ex to court in an attempt to get some child support for the child, since he acknowledged (to her at least) that he was the father. Well, in court he denied paternity. That was it. She never saw the man again.

Today, she has three more children, her firstborn was adopted by her husband when they married (her little boy was almost 5 at that time), and she cut all ties with her ex. She was emotionally trashed for awhile, but she put her son first and decided he was better off with one parent rather than having him exposed to an alcoholic father.

You have some tough choices to make, and I wish that wasn't the case. Those emails you're getting aren't helping the situation. Have you considered blocking them or just hitting "delete" without reading them?

ICU

(((Startingover)))

I got stuck for the longest time 'missing the old him' too. 'My' him, not 'your' him...just wanted to make that perfectly clear, LOL!

Even though my brain comprehended that I had to look at who he is now vs. what he used to be, my heart had trouble catching up.

Over time though, my heart did catch up. That's because I was able to focus on the things that were within my control...'me'. It wasn't a straight line of progression though...I had my ups and downs and 'those moments' for sure.

And I certainly didn't have a new baby on the way either! I can't even begin to imagine the depth of emotions you might be feeling right now.

As far as should he be there when she is born, what should her last name be, etc. I understand you needing to think about it, but nothing has to be decided right now. I'm sure when the time comes, you will decide on what is best for you and your new little love!

Miss Pink

"He" is dead.

Alcoholism is alive in his body.

Thats what helps me to move on.
Its a waking death, every day.

hang in there