she fixed something on her own!

Old 12-19-2007, 05:17 AM
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she fixed something on her own!

I am amazed. The following message on my cell phone from my AD:

"Hey mom, you know that creepy older guy from the strip club I told you about? He won't stop calling and calling me. I didn't know what to do. So yesterday I called the nextel company. They said I could change my phone # at no charge. So I changed it to....
So write it down, OK? "

She even repeated the new number in case I missed it.

She had left two messages this week that she needed me to help her with something. I'm sure it was all about this stalker type guy. I had called back but didn't reach her.... This has to be my higher power telling me she is actually capable of helping herself when she really wants to.

Which leads me to this:

I have been struggling for several weeks with the question of whether to take her to Welfare so she can apply for welfare, housing, and medicaid. She wants me to take her and has asked me several times.. She's always been too caught up in using to get herself to appointments or anything.

If she gets on welfare, she can
a)get emergency housing and get away from abusive BF
b)get medicaid and therefore have insurance for treatment when she wants it.

The reasons I don't want to take her are
a)I don't want to spend my day waiting in the waiting room of an inner city welfare office. I have a busy life.
b) She is an addict, not physically disabled or mentally ********. She could conceivable do this herself and not have to be 'taken' and then babysat while sitting there.

so given this recent phone call, I feel as if God is telling me, "She can take herself to the welfare office just like she fixed this one on her own."

Now, to just stick to my guns the next time she asks! :codiepolice
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Old 12-19-2007, 06:08 AM
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Good news always welcome! Miracles happen every day. YOUR recover is shining brite!!
susan

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Old 12-19-2007, 07:05 AM
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sleepygoat,
It's hard to make the decision to help, or not...I know that I most likely do some things for my addicts, that I shouldn't be doing.
But in the long run, I ask myself Is this something I would do if my sons weren't drug addicts? Am I doing it for a Control reason, an enabling reason, or an I love you reason?

Sometimes we just have to do what feels right in our gut.

I try REALLY hard not to do things that they can do on their own.
Some things I do for my peace of mind.
(like retrieving that S.S. card, and birth certificate, so oldest AS could fly home...)

I also put a boundary on what I will and will not do. I'll do something once, but most likely not again. (like getting that S.S. card...)


Hugs, from one mom to another.
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Old 12-19-2007, 11:16 AM
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Sleepygoat,
I agree with Moose. If she wasn't an addict would you help her with this?
It sounds like she is taking the initiative to get things in order. If you feel comfortable taking her then I would do so and I would not think that is enabling.

My RAD asked me to take her to apply for welfare and I was so glad I did. She was able to get Medicaid, food stamps. Since she has gotten it she has taken care of her doctor app.. She feels like she is helping out because she can contribute with buying some food. The best thing of all she got herself into therapy without my coaching and she is in therapy once a week. I wanted so badly for her to do that because of the sexual abuse that she has been through but I didn't push. She did it on her own. Her bi polar meds are paid for and she takes them regularly now since she has Rx on her plan.

It has been a positive move for her all the way around and I'm not sorry that all I did was give her a ride and spend a couple hours out of my time for her.

After all was said and done she said "thanks a lot mum for taking me, I appreciate it."

Think about it............Lo
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Old 12-19-2007, 12:07 PM
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See, addicts are not as helpless as we appear to be .. and in doing for herself she will uncover strength even she will be surprised she has and it will only make her stronger... (kind ofva basic training of sorts .. that can come into play if and when she decides to climb out of the pit of addiction hell)

You mentioned her getting away from her abusive bf .. I am not sure what state your in, but there is a grant (Domestic Violence Grant) she can inquire about at the welfare office ... it is a grant of I think twelve hundred dollars to move into a new place... they will not give her the money outright, but if she looks for housing and finds a manager/owner that will accept the grant they will pay the landlord the money for her to move in up to 1200 bucks! But I suggest she doesn't utilize that UNTIL she is absolutely ready to leave him beyond a shadow of a doubt.

If she is truly trying to help and better herself and her life .. and she has come to you with a humble heart and ask if you could drive her to the welfare office it could be that she just needs moral support and you know if you decided to take her .. you don't have to stay .. you could drop her off and have her call you when she is done if you wanted to pick her up ... You know all the inns and outs of the situation .. either way you look at it is a hard decision to make.

****{Hugs}}}
Passion

Last edited by nytepassion; 12-19-2007 at 12:34 PM.
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Old 12-19-2007, 12:13 PM
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Two years ago I drove my daughter to the welfare office so that she could get some help. She later relapsed, went back to the abusive abf but I did not regret taking her there. But the next time she will have to do it herself. Hugs, Marle
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