Mlynn

I am not sure if what I am having is panic or anxiety attacks. I usually have them when I am alone. Although the worst panic attacks I have had - where I was full blown hyperventilating, unable to breath, crying exc have been with people or on the phone with people.

Anything can trigger me. I feel crazy sometimes. Watching something scary can trigger me - or something as silly as an noise can trigger me. I can't explain what happens. It's like something else takes over. Sometimes I feel like something is going to get me. I feel like putting my back up agianst a wall and either turning every light on or turning every light off. I am feeling anxious just writing this actually.

Before I knew what panic attacks were - I was having them in highschool - I would shake (shivver when not cold) and sometimes be unable to walk - like so terrified I would suddenly be unable to move my feet - all while trying to pretend like nothing was happening. I was really weird.

I think I have had severe untreated anxiety attacks from the time of childhood. I can remember the first time I was so terrified that I couldn't move (was paralized and fighting my body to move and had to drag my limbs in slow motion). My father was drunk and fighting with my mother. I was maybe 4 - 6. I remember my brother and I would run up the stairs often on hands and knee's to try to escape our father into the saftey of our rooms. One day he almost got me because my feet wouldn't work. I remember being a little tiny girl on a staircase struggling to move and being almost totally paralized and looking back and seeing him coming closer and closer. I can't remember what happened in the end - but that feeling of being paralized is something I have always remembered. I also used to try to sleep over friends houses - but having such anxiety - the feeling of DANGER (i'm going to die) that I would have to call my mom in the middle of the night to come and pick me up.

My worst panic attack - happened after something "triggered" me. I am very sensitive. Anything can trigger panic in me. Something very simple - like a noise - and I am sent into high altert mode. I think that is generalized anxiety - I often feel flighty - like I have to run or press my back agianst a wall (for fear of something "getting me") especially I get this feeling when I am in staircases. I often feel like I am goin to die about half way up a staircase and have to run to the landing for no reason - just because I am in a stair case. I also don't like bedrooms - or rooms with closed doors. I have slept in a couch in a living room for the past 7 years. Even now that I have my ownapartment - I don't like it. I feel trapped. ALL rational thought is overtaken by utter helplessness and fear. I'd say I live about 1/3 of my life in this state. Its pretty normal and expected to me.

Back to my panic attack. It happened after I was at work. My work number is 1 number off from the number of a local crisis mental health hotline. Anyhow, I got a very creepy call from a mentally ill person (which happens from time to time) when I was closing - all alone in a warehouse. It freaked me out. At 2 AM I had the WORST panic attack of my life. I called my aunt crying at 2 am to come get me (no one at my parents would get up) because I kept hearing noises. I was hyper ventilating, hearing things, seeing things, feeling things (the hose move when it didin't) that were over exaderated or non-existant. I broke down crying (had my aunt and cousin scared) and went running out of my house screaming. I was crying in the back of her car - and was unable to breath. Turned out nothing was there....but a noise from outside (prob traffic noise exc) threw me into a panic. I couldn't think. All I thought was "he's going to get me...run...run...run your going to die!!!".

Is that a panic attack. I'm not sure. These feelings of anxiety have always been so "normal" to me that i'm used to them....not sure what they are...or if they are more mild or more severe that was is normally seen as a panic attack?

Morning Glory

Hi Mlynn,

I'm sorry I didn't answer your post sooner.

Have you ever talked to a doctor about your anxiety?

It sounds like you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

You can read information here.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publi...lication.shtml

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publi...lication.shtml

There is a lot of treatment available for PTSD. There is no reason to continue suffering through it every day. It can get better by itself without treatment, but it takes a lot longer. I went through it when there was no treatment and it did eventually get better.

PTSD and Panic attack symptoms can make you feel like you are losing your mind or dying. You experience fear and then the fear of the fear and it snowballs into a huge attack of terror. Domestic violence in childhood, childhood sexual abuse, and witnessing traumatic events are some causes of PTSD.

You can see a psychiatrist and get help. PTSD and panic attacks are common today and there is a lot they can do for it.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know how horrible it feels.

Many hugs,
MG

Introvrtd1

More than likely it was panic attack. I've been there.

Pls see a doc/therapist.

Docs can really help with meds to keep that panic at bay.

Concentrate of ur breathing. Do not hyperventilate. I know, easier said than done. Breathe normally. I know it feels bad, but try.

Real panic/anxiety will make you feel crazy. I can really relate.

Keep reading and posting here. Lots of support. Let us know how things are with doc.

Hang in there.

Intro

scarlati

Yeah, ditto what Intro and Morning said. You don't have to live like this but it will take proffessional help to get you right. You should definitely talk to a therapist and your doctor about it. There are a lot of meds that can control the physical symptoms of the anxiety but you need ongoing therapy to learn to control the thought processes that are making you feel this way. I lived with anxiety for years and years before I sought treatment for it and putting it off was the biggest mistake I ever made. Once I started therapy I realized how much this problem had been holding me back and in the few months since I started therapy I've really turned my life around and I feel much better physically and emotionally. It's an ongoing process, of course, but without therapy I never would have improved at all.

Also, pick up a book on meditation and join a tai chi or yoga class. Learning and practicing relaxation will probably be really helpful for you.

Summerteeth

Definitely go to a therapist. They can help. I also suffered panic attacks from childhood and did not realize until my mid-20s what was actually going on. I just thought I had a weak stomach! If they are left untreated, they are crippling. Seek out the help of a therapist with a speciality in panic disorders - also, I realized that just being able to identify the feelings you have as a 'panic attack' can help enormously. Part of my panic came from not understanding why I felt that way.

Best of luck to you and keep us posted.