2 Weeks
Much more charming sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 14
2 Weeks
Hello Everyone, Today is 2 weeks for me and I'm feeling so much better. I'm still sleeping a lot but I feel a major improvement. I have to say though that it's really been a long 14 days but I'm feeling really hopeful. Not much else to say. I think that might be a first, LOL.
Edit: Actually I wrote this in my journal this morning and thought I would share it here. It really sums up where I'm at at the moment and it's more than a mouthful, lol.
2 weeks!
I've made it through another weekend. It wasn't all that bad, looking back. I had a bit of a rough time Friday night but it didn't kill me. I had a good cry Saturday afternoon, it didn't kill me. Had some discouraging thoughts pop up Sunday. I was really upset that I had destroyed all the personal progress I had made since the last time I quit drinking and how much work it is going to take this time to not only get it all back but to make sure it sticks this time. You know what, it didn't kill me either.
I have been on a quest for years to avoid discomfort. As if somewhere along the way in my life I decided that I was somehow special in the sense that unlike all humans who feel pain, pleasure, highs and lows; I was going to be someone who could choose my emotional experience in this life. I am again struck with the thought of how self centered my thinking is. There are people in the world that are losing a loved one as we speak. Are dying of an illness. Have no home. No family. Are fighting a war. Have lost a child. Been a victim of a horrific crime. Pains unimaginable.
I've been through a lot too. But for right now, in this place in my life, I am fortunate. I have a family who loves me deeply. I have a nice home & enough money to survive. I live in a place where there are enough good people to help me overcome my addiction & maybe someday I can then do the same for someone else. I am going to feel pain sometimes. But it won't kill me.
I have seen what the avoidance of painful things does to a person. It does kill. It first kills growth. We do become stronger and more empathetic to others by surviving our painful experiences and moving on to see that there are life pleasures still to be experienced. We become useful to others by sharing that experience which is useful to our own growth. It kills the spirit. The trials we go through help shape who we are spirituallty. I've been spiritually sleeping. I've been closed off from the world. My entire world consisted of a tiny bubble I exist in. There is so much more. It also kills the body. I have seen first hand how painful it is to die as a result of using substances to avoid pain.
I have so much to learn. They say that your maturity level pretty much stops growing at the time you start using drugs and alcohol. I'm in serious trouble if that is true. I started drinking at 14. Used most drugs as well until 19. Continued with alcohol till now with a few years in between sober but the majority of it using. I also carry a lot with me because I've been through a lot of crap I have yet to deal with. Although, someone said to me recently that I should be careful about spending too much time looking back on my past and trying to figure out who I am. Take that energy and help others. In helping others I will find myself. It sounds like really good advice although I really don't feel as though I am in a position to be of use to others yet and keep myself on track. But it's something I think about.
Edit: Actually I wrote this in my journal this morning and thought I would share it here. It really sums up where I'm at at the moment and it's more than a mouthful, lol.
2 weeks!
I've made it through another weekend. It wasn't all that bad, looking back. I had a bit of a rough time Friday night but it didn't kill me. I had a good cry Saturday afternoon, it didn't kill me. Had some discouraging thoughts pop up Sunday. I was really upset that I had destroyed all the personal progress I had made since the last time I quit drinking and how much work it is going to take this time to not only get it all back but to make sure it sticks this time. You know what, it didn't kill me either.
I have been on a quest for years to avoid discomfort. As if somewhere along the way in my life I decided that I was somehow special in the sense that unlike all humans who feel pain, pleasure, highs and lows; I was going to be someone who could choose my emotional experience in this life. I am again struck with the thought of how self centered my thinking is. There are people in the world that are losing a loved one as we speak. Are dying of an illness. Have no home. No family. Are fighting a war. Have lost a child. Been a victim of a horrific crime. Pains unimaginable.
I've been through a lot too. But for right now, in this place in my life, I am fortunate. I have a family who loves me deeply. I have a nice home & enough money to survive. I live in a place where there are enough good people to help me overcome my addiction & maybe someday I can then do the same for someone else. I am going to feel pain sometimes. But it won't kill me.
I have seen what the avoidance of painful things does to a person. It does kill. It first kills growth. We do become stronger and more empathetic to others by surviving our painful experiences and moving on to see that there are life pleasures still to be experienced. We become useful to others by sharing that experience which is useful to our own growth. It kills the spirit. The trials we go through help shape who we are spirituallty. I've been spiritually sleeping. I've been closed off from the world. My entire world consisted of a tiny bubble I exist in. There is so much more. It also kills the body. I have seen first hand how painful it is to die as a result of using substances to avoid pain.
I have so much to learn. They say that your maturity level pretty much stops growing at the time you start using drugs and alcohol. I'm in serious trouble if that is true. I started drinking at 14. Used most drugs as well until 19. Continued with alcohol till now with a few years in between sober but the majority of it using. I also carry a lot with me because I've been through a lot of crap I have yet to deal with. Although, someone said to me recently that I should be careful about spending too much time looking back on my past and trying to figure out who I am. Take that energy and help others. In helping others I will find myself. It sounds like really good advice although I really don't feel as though I am in a position to be of use to others yet and keep myself on track. But it's something I think about.
Last edited by _Charm_; 12-17-2007 at 02:08 PM. Reason: Because I guess I had more to say this morning and thought I would share, lol
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