sjr

fighting the urge right now to pull another walgreen trip to get a drug test. i know it is a waste of money. yes she is on drugs. i know it. why me testing her becomes such a focus for me i can't explain. i just want to know exactly what she is doing. i found out yesterday she was shooting heroin much more than i even knew of.

she has come home. she left friday night.

of course she looked like crap. she is losing alot of weight again. she had gained some for a while, but it is all going away.

she didn't want to talk or fight tonight. that was good. i guess she was to hungover or tired or whatever. she got on the computer for a while and just went to bed. bed at 9:30 hmmm must of been a rough weekend.

struggling right now. i feel like i am just letting an active addict live in my house and walk over me. i can't kick her out. her dad won't take her.

sadly i feel like i am just waiting for her to get into trouble or OD.
please God just let it be just get into trouble.

everytime i hear something new about her from someone, i kinda act like i already new. then stew on it forever. i knew she had shot heroin some, but i didn't know it was bad as i found out it was. i never saw any marks. but i can't say i was looking for them either. she swore she had only done that a couple of times. HA the crap i have believed.*sigh*

well, i decided i would get on here instead of go to walgreen's and get the test. keep my $40.00. shoot, she probaly wouldnt take it anyhow.

i am thankful for the moment she is home, she is asleep, and we are not fighting.

i am so glad i can get on her 24 hrs a day!!!!!!!

btw...the other morning i got on around 6:30am ....couldnt sleep. and the sight was down for maintenance~~~~my horror!!! i almost had a panic attack...lol....good thing i take meds for those now! LOL

Done_With_It

There is an emergency site some one can give you for when the site is down, I forgot what the link is.

Drug testing her is going to give her fuel. What would be your motive for doing that? Good choice in coming here.

Try and take care of yourself as best as you can sweetie. I'm so sorry for you both, I cannot even imagine.

sjr

that's just it. i don't know my motive.

i don't know if i am still trying to prove she is using, she is lying, and saying she is not. i already know for certain she is.

it's almost like i am letting her addiction turn into my addiction.
my drug is her.
man i gotta find a meeting.
i keep saying it, but haven't done it.
i will try definately put that at the top of my list of things to do.

Abundance

I have threatened so many times with a drug test, but didn't have the plan for my actions whatever the results.

I wish you could slip her suboxenes.......... how old is your daughter?

sjr

what are suboxenes? she is 16

Abundance

suboxenes are given for w/d's... and they block the opiate high.

sjr

i think i did know that. brain not function properly i guess...thanks

yeah...that would probaly just make her do more and more till she killed herself!

she loves the high.
has told me time and time again.

Abundance

Is she a sophmore in highschool? Do you take her to school in the morning and pick her up?

sjr

she teeters btn soph/jr.....she failed alot of classes last year.

i take her when i can.
or she will ride with a girlfriend.
i can't pick her up. i am at work then.

laurie6781

Here it is:

http://www.soberrecovery.proboards44.com/

There, that future 'panic attack' solved, lol

Hope that helps, bookmark it for the future.

Love and hugs,

Abundance

All I have is a bunch of questions... and I feel like I would be insulting you by asking them... cause I'm sure you have been round and round this.

I can only give you (((hugs)))... I honestly... sincerely do not know of any advice... it's just beyond me how to get all the homework done and checked after work! ... thinking of you .......

sjr

of course i would not be insulted!!! that's why i come here!!! to learn and seek advice!!!

btw...according to her she never has homework!!!

Done_With_It

I mentioned before about you giving her all your power. (Paying her to be clean) That was my point about your motive. She gives her power to the drugs, you give your power to her.

You can prove anything all you want, it's not going to change anything.
But, I don't know what the right answer is. But if you have a flat tire
your not going to drive on it to make sure it's flat are you? There's got
to be a different way to fix it.


:ghug

Lucie

Whoa. I may sound a little geeky but that really hit home. I think I had a mini epiphany there.

Spiritual Seeker

I don't need a drug test for my son bec I can tell by his looks, his behavior, his lies, etc, it he is using. If your daughter is only 16 you have the legal authority to get his into a treatment program. Do you have health insur. benefits for behavior health? You only have til she's 18 to be in charge.
I go to Al-anon just for parents where there is a lot of other parents that can advise abt what they have done. Check to see if such a mtg. exists in your area.

rahsue

I'm sorry you're going through all this, I too have done what you're doing. I'm certainly not healed from my addiction to addiction but I'm learning along the way.
16, she's still under your jurisdiction. In my opinion I would force her into a rehab, (not a 30 but a long one).
Here in Pennsylvania, there is an organization called Gaudenzia, It has a live in rehab/school for children of your daughters age, it doesn't have to be a voluntary thing to go in. a parent can "PUT"there children in. It's worth looking into. My son is my addict his drug of choice is heroin, not that any other drug is easier to get off of but heroin is surely a killer and it really might be worth checking out a facility that you can force her into. Normally it's hands off the addict but my opinion is different when its a teenager.

lightseeker

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Where in NC are you? I'm in Charlotte and there are some really good meetings that help me a lot. Many of the Naranon meetings have parents in them. My brother went through much of the same thing with his then 16 year old. It's so hard. Knowledge is power. While my nephew was a minor they had the capability of making decisions for him regarding treatment and where he was. He is now 19 and is sober. It was tough but he's where he is.

Thinking about you - Donna

Elana

There are other places for her to go. She disappears now for days at a time, so let her go to wherever that is. You cannot control her addiction or what she is doing and knowing won't help anyone. You have given her your power. Take it back. The sooner you take it back the sooner she hits bottom and maybe seeks recovery.

Her Dad is SMART not to take her. You would be smart to follow his lead on this!

See? She has gone SOMEWHERE.

Addicts are very resourceful people. They are not stupid. As long as she can always come home she is enabled to continue her addiction.

All of this is hard and harsh sounding i know...
And while you, and others, probably don't believe it, this is being said with love and with concern.

I am sorry you are facing this. Change the locks. Put her things on the porch. Tell her you love her and give her a list of shelters and places where she can get help.

then, hard as it is to do, take the focus and put it on you.

BTW not buying the Drug test and coming here is a step.. a small and very important step.. for you.

sleepygoat

In my state (NJ) you can not force a minor into treatment. Only the courts can do that. so It clearly depends on the state. In fact, when my AD agreed to outpatient when she was 16, we were denied any info from the rehab. We were not permitted to even know whether she was attending each day or not. Turns out she wasn't. Her going to outpatient was a condition of her living at home. She got to scam us (while continuing to steal from us) for a whole 'nother month.

If you can force her into treatment in your state, by all means do so. My understanding is, whether the addict is willing or not willing to stop, once they complete treatment the initially unwilling addict has just as good a chance as the initially willing one to stay clean and recover! This is based on the latest research in the field. So its really a good idea to get them into treatment. The courts know this very well, and that is why they mandate addicts into treatment so often. BTW, is there any way you can have her arrested, for stealing from you, for example? This could work in her favor in that most judges always court order treatment for minors.

BTW, if you gotta buy drug tests, buy them online. cheaper.

Lobo

Sjr,
I am so sorry your pain continues with all of this. In 6 yrs. I have never drug tested my RAD. All I had to do was look at her and her behavior. I knew she would test positive. If this continues, you will see track marks or black and blue marks. In my daughters early abuse I saw her arms were all black and blue. I confronted her on it and she said her bf and her got into a fight and he did it. So, it doesn't do any good to even confront her because she will lie. You don't need a drug test for proof, you already know.

I agree with Sleepy and Rahsue......force her into rehab. Also if she is threatening you in any way you can have her committed. I did that once...got her clean and she stayed that way at least for a while. She is a minor and I would do whatever it takes to get her into rehab whether she wants to or not. Not her choice.

Prayers and support coming your way...........Lo