What about After Rehab?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 59
What about After Rehab?
My wife has just come out of a really great rehab program which I spent time at as well in a family program they had to support the patients. She's an alcoholic and has destroyed most of the past two years of our lives with the disease. its been horrible and I'd be lying if I told you I've not felt exasperated beyond belief and really have felt like I'd need to leave her. She did agree to go to rehab though upon urging from her family and me in giving her an ultimatum of "get the help or I'm leaving." In support I've quit drinking and smoking myself, attend Alanon and set up a new place to live, in a new state where my job was transfered. Kind of a brand new start and brand new life for her when she got out. There hasn't been a drop of alcohol in the place since I acquired it for us to live and I thought that would be great for us maintain in our new start. Two nights ago I came home from a business trip and found her passed out on the floor drunk. I became nauseas on site of this and was gutted beyond belief. So painful. I knew rehab would not be a quick fix and that the major work was ahead but I never thought this would happen two weeks after she left the program. I'm feeling completely hopeless honestly and don't know really what else I can do beyond just taking care of myself. I'm so angry with her though. She's come home from rehab, didn't go to a meeting until yesterday after her slip-up and really hasn't pursued any activities to replace drinking. All of what we learned in re-hab. Anybody have any advice or life experiences that may help me cope or aid in her recovery? I know its all on her and I can't do it for her but maybe there are other ways I'm not thinking of to aid things a bit. Thanks for your time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Welcome,faith12!
I do not have much experience, as my husband chose to the drinking instead of the marriage. My sister was "forced" into treatment and a few weeks after she left,she was back to drinking. At that point, she had a few hallucinations and lost her job. Truthfully,at that point, I was fed up with her,now exAH,anything and everything having to do with alcohol. She was scared and said she'd go into another program, but at the last minute,decided she did not want to go and spend her own money on it. I told her to do what she needed to do, and I'd gladly give her a ride to rehab,etc but other than that,I did not have the strength or patience to deal with the drinking and any problems it caused and to leave me out of it...no money, listening to drunk dials,etc.,etc. The rest of the family was in nearly the same place and I guess she got scared and knew she had to do something, and surprisingly she did. It made it hard for her to deny she had a problem when she went right back to drinking (although she said she was "depressed" and no longer drinks because she can't on her AD...know that is not true because my AH just changed doctors when his knew about his drinking and refused to continue prescribing AD's). My sister-in-law's dad has been sober and active in AA since rehab relapse about 10-15 yrs ago.
Then again you never know. My cousin never did stay sober...drank himself to death.
One thing I do know for sure,YOU can get feeling better. Sounds like you are taking all the right steps,one day at a time. I find reading and posting to be a very helpful daily part of my recovery process...hope you find that to be the case for you,too. Sick around with us!
Good luck to you both.
I do not have much experience, as my husband chose to the drinking instead of the marriage. My sister was "forced" into treatment and a few weeks after she left,she was back to drinking. At that point, she had a few hallucinations and lost her job. Truthfully,at that point, I was fed up with her,now exAH,anything and everything having to do with alcohol. She was scared and said she'd go into another program, but at the last minute,decided she did not want to go and spend her own money on it. I told her to do what she needed to do, and I'd gladly give her a ride to rehab,etc but other than that,I did not have the strength or patience to deal with the drinking and any problems it caused and to leave me out of it...no money, listening to drunk dials,etc.,etc. The rest of the family was in nearly the same place and I guess she got scared and knew she had to do something, and surprisingly she did. It made it hard for her to deny she had a problem when she went right back to drinking (although she said she was "depressed" and no longer drinks because she can't on her AD...know that is not true because my AH just changed doctors when his knew about his drinking and refused to continue prescribing AD's). My sister-in-law's dad has been sober and active in AA since rehab relapse about 10-15 yrs ago.
Then again you never know. My cousin never did stay sober...drank himself to death.
One thing I do know for sure,YOU can get feeling better. Sounds like you are taking all the right steps,one day at a time. I find reading and posting to be a very helpful daily part of my recovery process...hope you find that to be the case for you,too. Sick around with us!
Good luck to you both.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
All the rehab in the world will not mean a hill of beans unless the person continues with the program. The same goes for you. You need to start on yourself. Alanon meeting will help get you though anything that might happen.
Yes it’s time that you work on your own recovery, she has hers.
Yes it’s time that you work on your own recovery, she has hers.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
My A son went through treatment a year ago and has had relapses but has the tools to get himself back on track. I am traveling my own road in recovery through Alanon and this wonderful support forum. People keep saying it and it's really hard to do but.......stay on your path to recovery. She has the tools to find her way but it's up to her to use them.
gentle hugs to you. I understand the pain of watching them relapse.
gentle hugs to you. I understand the pain of watching them relapse.
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