Kindeyes

It's been one year since our A son was in treatment via intervention. We were scheduled to have our big family Christmas Party (30-40 people) at our house and I just couldn't do it. I was such an emotional wreck.

There is always copious quantities of alcohol at these family Christmas gatherings.

Well......since I couldn't do it last year, I was drafted to have it at our house this year. It's TODAY and I'm feeling so sick to my stomach I can hardly stand it.

My A son will be here with his 2 year old son. I am worried about what family will say to him (they haven't seen him since he went to treatment and they aren't the most sensitive group of people). I'm worried that they will all bring tons of alcohol into my house (I didn't say that they couldn't, my son asked me not to),

I just want to throw up right now.

parentrecovers

take a deep breath. your son most likely has some good recovery tools in his belt now. just relax and let it be.

hugs and support, k

Mr. Christian

I think you need to look at the big picture here. Your son goes through life every day with people drinking around him.
At restaurants, homes, etc.

Give him some credit here and stop worrying about what you have no control over. Have a great party, things will be fine.

ICU

Ok, time for a looooong deeeeeep breath! There! Better?

Your son has his recovery tools, and you have yours! Let's hope for the very best, for the both of you, and maybe that's exactly what will happen!

But, I do understand your feelings!

Spiritual Seeker

You can't control his sobriety or keep him sober.
it will have to be a part of his plan.
I hope you had a fabulous party.

NoChoice

When I got sober my sponsor told me to always plan an escape route and have the means to leave. I wasn't comfortable being around big drinking parties so I would go say hello and leave when I had enough. I still am not comfortable being in drinking environments...I do have friends that drink and I like to be around them, in small doses. I agree with all the posts before me...he is an adult and has done the recovery thing on his own. He will probably be most comfortable with respect from his family. Just gotta put him in God's hands. Hope it is/was a good time.

ICU

Good morning Kindeyes. Just wondering how your party went yesterday. I hope all the worry (although I do understand those feelings) was for nothing, and that you all had a wonderful time!

Kindeyes

Thank you all for your kind words.

And yes. All that worry for nothing. The party was wonderful and it was really good to see everyone. The alcohol thing was a non issue--very few people brought any so it was a soda pop kind of day.

My son seemed to really enjoy himself and was kept busy watching after his 2 year old son. He looked wonderful and happy and so did everyone.

Yesterday I wanted to throw up. Today I want to cry with relief that everyhting went so well.

Thanks again for your support and kindness....all of you. BIG FAT BEAR HUGS to each one of you!

Kindeyes

NC
This was a particularly helpful post for me. I am not entirely aware of the tools that were provided to my son when he was in treatment. This one just make sense. He is in God's hands and Mom (me) just needs to remember that her name isn't God!

special hugs to you for this very good insight

geees poncho

Nochoice has very good advice, I would also like to ad my 2 cents,
always have lots of sweet treats, lots of soda pop, and GOOD COFFEE,
youd be surprised at how many people enjoy these things. or maybe not
you sound like a pretty good hostess. some of my relies think coffee is just
brown water & it p---ses me off. I'm glad all went well.

Kindeyes

GP
There was so much food (I made a lasagna that--patting myself on the back here--was unbelievably good). Sweets.....oh my..... And good coffee! Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and I was relieved that everyone went home sober.

An interesting point that my son made to me a while back. He said that the annual family Christmas Parties past were instances where he saw that "drinking was fun". That's why I was so concerned that this event would be a trigger for him.

Each day I learn something in the process of recovery. Often I have setbacks (like the whole worry thing over this party) but I think the most important thing I'm learning is that son is his own man and he has a right to make his own decisions without the burden of my judgement.

hugs to you

NoChoice

One more thing...I had taken my Mom and Dad to h3ll and back with my drinking. I was a master manipulator, took money from my Mom's purse, stole stuff (step dad was Navy Captain....totally could have ended his career with DUI's on base, stealing at the Px, parties when they were not home on base, never came home with their car on time, in fact I would pass the keys to my dad as he was leaving for work at 0600 ad infinitum!). I trained them to not trust me. I trained them to think that I would steal from them and be defiant. I caused them great worry. Although my Mom tried to hide it, she had a hard time trusting me when I got sober 13 years ago. Rightfully so, her defense mechanisms were protecting her. Don't be hard on yourself for worrying or not trusting, he trained you to worry. He has turned over a new leaf, be glad and give the rest to God for today. I am so glad the party went so well.

Kindeyes

NC
You really hit another cord with me here. Trust. I don't trust him. I hope that someday I will but every time I begin to trust, he does something that shatters it all over again. All that you described has been done to us and it is impossible to erase the ten years of that nightmare. He taught us that he couldn't be trusted. And now he gets ticked off when we hesitate in the trust department.

What I have noticed though is that my son and I are very a tightly woven team. His actions trigger a very specific reaction in me....I can literally feel it happening. I am finally realizing that when I fail to do my part (react), he has nothing to "feed" on and he may take a couple of runs at me trying to spur me into that reaction but as long as I hold my (detached) ground, that cycle can't keep going.

"Getting it" is such a slow process with ever constant setbacks but everyday I "get it" a little bit better. Thank you for helping me celebrate my little success in getting through that party and actually enjoying myself!

hugs

NoChoice

Time=This I Must Earn! I am so happy for you. Recovery is so beautiful! Have a great day.


Hugs back atcha!