FrankOregon

Her drug of choice, cocaine, phentenol patches, vicatin, alcohol,weed, I forgot one. I appreciate the input, promise I won't get hurt, I know she is responsible for her own behavior, as am I for mine. I do get the feeling that just stating I'm there if she needs me is not always enough. It would help to know warning signs that lead to relapse so before it happens we can talk and hopefully advert it. Then if it happens it happens, but not without an effort on my part to help her advert it. What I have told her when she talked to me about her recovery, is if she does relapse, as cold as it may sound, I walk away.

kj0975

Those are some heavy drugs she has abused. In my opinion alcohol seems to be a trigger for most of them. Most people that I know as soon as they drink they want the coke then the pot to come down. The vics and fentynal patches are opiates and very hard to stop. The withdrawls from them are horrible. I have had a problem with the vics. I guess look for pin point pupils. Stuffy nose, runny nose, eratic behavior hiding out. It will suck you in trying to help her. Does she follow a program or doing anything besides rehab to help herself so she doesnt relapse? Is she active in her own recovery? Its so hard trying to help someone who doesnt want to help themselves. I think it would be wise to walk away and let her know when she wants to get clean you will be there for her.

FrankOregon

She was in 3 days a week for 10 weeks of outpatient, but because of the loss of license for dwi (that with help of her mom convinced her to go to rehab), + 3 instances of driving suspended since leaving rehab, she quit going, does get a ride occansianally to a place for recovering addicts to socialize and talk (asked me once to take her). I can't walk away until I know she has failed and won't change.

greeteachday

It's really nice that you are a good friend and want to support her. I found that I made myself crazy and caused some friction with my addict when I was always looking for signs of relapse, even when things were good. I can certainly understand your position and your boundary that you will leave if she uses, but would suggest not worrying too much about knowing a sure sign. If she relapses, it will unfortunately become quite apparent rather quickly. As KJ said, those are some powerful drugs that she had problems with.

I found the best thing for me was to find others who understood...like coming here and attending Naranon meetings, and to try to enjoy the "normal" time yet protect myself financially (such as not leaving money, credit card or other valuables around since active addicts are often tempted to take things to buy drugs). When I got sucked into trying to play detective, things were tense and there was no happiness.

I hope you will stick around; there is great support here. And congrats on kicking the cigarettes...that is awesome!

cece1960

I don't blame you one bit for having this line of thinking.
But it sounds like you like her, and would like to continue the friendship if possible.
While no one can predict what will happen from here on, failing at first is not unusual. An addict often slips, or relapses before they really understand the grip that addiction has on them.
Its possible you are setting the groundwork for her not being honest if she's struggling.
Don't get me wrong, I admire your boundaries and whole heartedly believe in boundaries. But if you find yourself still wanting to "be there" for her if she has trouble down the road, then don't feel bad if you adjust along the way.
As long as it isn't hurting your peace, and happiness. We tend to lose ourselves quite easily.
Keep posting, this is a great place to talk
(((Hugs)))
Cece

FrankOregon

Blame her for my quiting smoking, I did it to show support for her quiting her many addictions the same day she was admitted,and she knows why, although it is not quite as bad I guess. Now I can't fail either can I? Although everyone that went to that rehab came out smoking, thought that was interesting.

bookmiser

A habit for a habit?
That seems to happen alot with addictive personalities.
They drop one, have to pick up another.

marle

Addicts lie and when you set a boundary such as leaving her if she uses, you are almost guaranteeing that she will lie. I have found that with my daughter, I know in my gut when she is relapsing. She starts to become vague about her time and starts to come up with a lot of excuses for behavior that does not match the talk. She also seems to have constant flairs in her allergies or she always has a cold. (DOC opiates, causes hoarseness, stuffy nose, sniffling). Yet can be fine an hour later. (Meaning she has scored some dope.) So your best bet is to trust your own feelings. Hugs, Marle

FrankOregon

Well she didn't lie, I came here because for some reason I suspected and wondered what the signs were. I was out of the state for awhile , came back, saw her today, she was pretty forthright I didn't even ask, she told, weed and alcohol and back to working in an environment where she is going to be around more (dances). I have friends who use weed (i don't) and are alcoholics (me not much), I could probably settle for another friend that does it, but I can see what is likely to happen here, back to weed, drunk, thought processes not clear, group doing coke, downhill from there. Thanks for the advice, I'm not hurt, just confused as I really like her as a person and hate to see anyone I like damage themselves. If anyone lied I guess it was me, walking away isn't going to be easy and not sure at this point I can, guess i'm pretty screwed up. I know it is not my problem or fault, I met her with before she went to rehab. I don't feel responseable. Glad she was honest and didn't hid anything. One thing she has never done is lie to me and I am glad that hasn't changed.