rage to sympathy to rage
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
rage to sympathy to rage
Warning - long story.
The Rage
Some of you may remember, last year while in Florida with my family for Christmas, we were bulgarized in Tennessee. They spent days in our home, going through everything we own, taking litterally truck loads out the door. We estimate that it took about 3 days and 5 to 7 large truck loads to remove basically everything we own, down to and including our food and socks. They took our computers and discs that contained all my kids pictures. Being new to the area, no one knew us, and no one saw anything. We had no insurance, so blink, it was all gone.
We know how our home was chosen, the only person who knew us and knew we would be gone was a young man that was working for us at the motel, actually, I had allowed him and his girlfriend to live there free until they could get on their feet, and they bulgarized the motel too. I have to take some responsibility for it, I suspected he had a drug problem, I knew better than to help them, but it was Christmas, it was down in the teens, they had no food or shelter, and I had just had to quit working on the motel so he no longer had a job. There were no shelters or assistance places for them except maybe an hour away. I let my heart over ride my head, and paid a dear price for it.
The Sympathy
Anyway, we couldn't prove it was them, but some of Jerry's things showed up at a pawn shop eventually and they got the woman who pawned it. What I have learned about all of them is a story we all know about. They are all addicted. All a step away from homelessness, but in this womans case it gets harsh real quick. She is part of this ring of people that rob homes and sells drugs. Her dealer happened to be her daughters husband. He was also her fence. This woman is in her late 40's, her daughter was in her 20's with two little babies. Her daughters husband was beating her, locking her up, pimping her out and doing some really awful things to her. So when the woman got caught in my case, she grabbed her daughter and they both ran and hid.
It didn't last though, the mothers addiction eventually won over even her own daughter, the husband coaxed the mom into disclosing where her daughter was, all for drugs. In exchange, he got his wife back, mom got her drugs and he proceeded to beat the daughter and then killed her. Big murder case in Roane county.
The Rage again.
My heart softened to this woman, I couldn't imagine that she could live with herself after all that. What she had done to me, paled in comparison to what she would have to live with for the rest of her life. So when the state attorney's office said they were going to give her a sweet deal with no jail time, two years probation and restitution, I was OK with that. I had let my anger go and felt sorry for the woman. Until, I met her that is.
We sat all day long yesterday in court waiting for her case to be called. She sat and glared at us. Even though she had confessed to what she had done to us, she sat there with pure hatred in her eyes for US. She was cocky and beligerent. She felt that she shouldn't be punished at all, especially restitution, she felt like what she had taken wasn't worth much at pawn and even turned it on us, it was our fault that we didn't have insurance to cover it. They were offering her 2 years of Probation, dropping about 15 felony charges to one, dropping the fact that they were armed during the bulgary, making it a simple theft charge. And this woman got the attitude from heck. Refused the deal, stared daggers at us and was acting so smug that I wanted to just smack the smile off of her face. (I practiced restraint)
The only satisfaction that I got, was watching her squirm after being there all day, for her fix. Which I might add, she finely got when her friend arrived and they made a trip to the bathroom. IN THE COURTHOUSE no less.
I let my guard down, I know, it's what addicts do, and yes, I was suprised again. Actually, I was horrified. This woman had just lost her daughter, partly due to her own addiction, yet she stood there, using that fact to try and gain sympathy, with a SMILE on her face.
My rage has subsided, I do not feel sympathy for her any more, ALL of my sympathy goes to her poor daughter. Jerry and I have come to the conclusion that HP needed another angel, and took that poor girl. I don't feel hatred for this woman, I already know that she is now going to spend time in jail, her display in court guaranteed it with the State Attorney, they have her confession for gosh sakes, I guess her HP has a plan for her, and I don't think it includes sympathy.
B
The Rage
Some of you may remember, last year while in Florida with my family for Christmas, we were bulgarized in Tennessee. They spent days in our home, going through everything we own, taking litterally truck loads out the door. We estimate that it took about 3 days and 5 to 7 large truck loads to remove basically everything we own, down to and including our food and socks. They took our computers and discs that contained all my kids pictures. Being new to the area, no one knew us, and no one saw anything. We had no insurance, so blink, it was all gone.
We know how our home was chosen, the only person who knew us and knew we would be gone was a young man that was working for us at the motel, actually, I had allowed him and his girlfriend to live there free until they could get on their feet, and they bulgarized the motel too. I have to take some responsibility for it, I suspected he had a drug problem, I knew better than to help them, but it was Christmas, it was down in the teens, they had no food or shelter, and I had just had to quit working on the motel so he no longer had a job. There were no shelters or assistance places for them except maybe an hour away. I let my heart over ride my head, and paid a dear price for it.
The Sympathy
Anyway, we couldn't prove it was them, but some of Jerry's things showed up at a pawn shop eventually and they got the woman who pawned it. What I have learned about all of them is a story we all know about. They are all addicted. All a step away from homelessness, but in this womans case it gets harsh real quick. She is part of this ring of people that rob homes and sells drugs. Her dealer happened to be her daughters husband. He was also her fence. This woman is in her late 40's, her daughter was in her 20's with two little babies. Her daughters husband was beating her, locking her up, pimping her out and doing some really awful things to her. So when the woman got caught in my case, she grabbed her daughter and they both ran and hid.
It didn't last though, the mothers addiction eventually won over even her own daughter, the husband coaxed the mom into disclosing where her daughter was, all for drugs. In exchange, he got his wife back, mom got her drugs and he proceeded to beat the daughter and then killed her. Big murder case in Roane county.
The Rage again.
My heart softened to this woman, I couldn't imagine that she could live with herself after all that. What she had done to me, paled in comparison to what she would have to live with for the rest of her life. So when the state attorney's office said they were going to give her a sweet deal with no jail time, two years probation and restitution, I was OK with that. I had let my anger go and felt sorry for the woman. Until, I met her that is.
We sat all day long yesterday in court waiting for her case to be called. She sat and glared at us. Even though she had confessed to what she had done to us, she sat there with pure hatred in her eyes for US. She was cocky and beligerent. She felt that she shouldn't be punished at all, especially restitution, she felt like what she had taken wasn't worth much at pawn and even turned it on us, it was our fault that we didn't have insurance to cover it. They were offering her 2 years of Probation, dropping about 15 felony charges to one, dropping the fact that they were armed during the bulgary, making it a simple theft charge. And this woman got the attitude from heck. Refused the deal, stared daggers at us and was acting so smug that I wanted to just smack the smile off of her face. (I practiced restraint)
The only satisfaction that I got, was watching her squirm after being there all day, for her fix. Which I might add, she finely got when her friend arrived and they made a trip to the bathroom. IN THE COURTHOUSE no less.
I let my guard down, I know, it's what addicts do, and yes, I was suprised again. Actually, I was horrified. This woman had just lost her daughter, partly due to her own addiction, yet she stood there, using that fact to try and gain sympathy, with a SMILE on her face.
My rage has subsided, I do not feel sympathy for her any more, ALL of my sympathy goes to her poor daughter. Jerry and I have come to the conclusion that HP needed another angel, and took that poor girl. I don't feel hatred for this woman, I already know that she is now going to spend time in jail, her display in court guaranteed it with the State Attorney, they have her confession for gosh sakes, I guess her HP has a plan for her, and I don't think it includes sympathy.
B
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Addicts who want sympathy and compassion must earn it, right along with respect IMO. We give these things because it makes us feel good and not for them.
This woman has done nothing to earn any of those things. She is truly doing what addicts do right to the nth degree.
As a result, you have no obligation to be sympathetic.
I too feel badly for the death of her daughter... yet another reason to never trust or help an addict in active addiction.
This woman has done nothing to earn any of those things. She is truly doing what addicts do right to the nth degree.
As a result, you have no obligation to be sympathetic.
I too feel badly for the death of her daughter... yet another reason to never trust or help an addict in active addiction.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Pum - Just like you, I've come a long way. It's a jouney that I hope to follow the rest of my life.
Elana - You are right, I tried to help that young man because I felt guilty about laying him off before Christmas. What I was doing was to make Me feel better. I've learned that a whole lot of my "rescuing" was to make me feel good about myself. I understand that about myself now.
B
Elana - You are right, I tried to help that young man because I felt guilty about laying him off before Christmas. What I was doing was to make Me feel better. I've learned that a whole lot of my "rescuing" was to make me feel good about myself. I understand that about myself now.
B
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
Good but sad story. Sorry you and your husband were victimized but I'm proud of you for not backing down in court. You did not allow yourself to get caught up in the madness. That poor girl - but then again....it's nice that you think of her as an angel. How about those poor children that she brought into this world? Hopefully they are with better people who can raise them right.
I hope you guys are back on your feet or getting there.
I hope you guys are back on your feet or getting there.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
CeCe - You could. Have faith in yourself, I didn't walk away with nothing, I walked away with a new understanding about what is important, and "things" are at the bottom of my list these days. (- :
rashue - the beauty of it is even though it envoked anger in me, I didn't have to do anything but sit there, she hung herself. That old feeling of wanting to pull the addict aside and shake some sense into them and make them see what they are doing to themselves, came over me momentarily, and I don't even know this woman. I guess old habits die hard.
rashue - the beauty of it is even though it envoked anger in me, I didn't have to do anything but sit there, she hung herself. That old feeling of wanting to pull the addict aside and shake some sense into them and make them see what they are doing to themselves, came over me momentarily, and I don't even know this woman. I guess old habits die hard.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Dev - It's a very sad situation. Those little ones are still smack in the middle of drug wars. I follow the story and pray for them, at least they don't have to see their mother being hurt any more, or their father doing what he did.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Frankly))) What a terrible story... I am so sorry you had to be part of this, and grateful for the family that it was you - a person with compassion and understanding beyond the norm.
What I believe is you saw the addiction - the nasty, inhuman addiction.... not the woman. I try to keep the two separate as much a possible in my mind. My sponsor tries to remind me that we are all God's Kids - doing the best we can "at the moment".
You are right - this seems to be part of HP's plan to get her out of her addiction... to a place where she can perhaps feel her real emotions, including her pain. And perhaps pray for forgiveness and try to make some amends.
(((Frankly)))
What I believe is you saw the addiction - the nasty, inhuman addiction.... not the woman. I try to keep the two separate as much a possible in my mind. My sponsor tries to remind me that we are all God's Kids - doing the best we can "at the moment".
You are right - this seems to be part of HP's plan to get her out of her addiction... to a place where she can perhaps feel her real emotions, including her pain. And perhaps pray for forgiveness and try to make some amends.
(((Frankly)))
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Big Sis - My first fury was at what happened to us, my fury in that court room wasn't even about me or us and what happened, I think it was more a fury about that woman not getting it, not seeing what was being handed to her on a platter, not learning from everything that had happened to her family. I was angry at the disease. I really did just want to shake her and scream Wake UP. Can't you see what is staring you straight in the face!
I guess we all feel that way with our addicts at some point. I didn't want to be the reason for any more strife or pain in her life, no matter what she did to me, I don't feel the need any more for vengance, it just made me so angry that none of what had happened mattered to her. Heck, I as a stranger, cared more about her family than she seems to.
I really really hate this disease, I don't hate the woman, I think the only way she will get clean is in jail, I think it will actually be a gift to her in the end.
Caileesnana - Out of all of it, her grandkids need prayers more than anything.
I guess we all feel that way with our addicts at some point. I didn't want to be the reason for any more strife or pain in her life, no matter what she did to me, I don't feel the need any more for vengance, it just made me so angry that none of what had happened mattered to her. Heck, I as a stranger, cared more about her family than she seems to.
I really really hate this disease, I don't hate the woman, I think the only way she will get clean is in jail, I think it will actually be a gift to her in the end.
Caileesnana - Out of all of it, her grandkids need prayers more than anything.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Frankly, there was a news story last night where locally a woman was trying to kill her toddler by throwing the child over a railing on the second floor. She didn't kill her the first time, so threw her over again, cracking the childs skull.
Another couple beat a 4 month old baby almost to death. They were addicts.
I have absolutely NO sympathy for people who kill their children due to drug use. I would say that the death sentance would be too kind for them.
Another couple beat a 4 month old baby almost to death. They were addicts.
I have absolutely NO sympathy for people who kill their children due to drug use. I would say that the death sentance would be too kind for them.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
The young girl is at peace and she is better off than all of them. How sad what lengths a parent that is addicted will go to support their habit, even at the expense of their kids. That just goes to show how powerful the drugs are.
Honeslty Frankly, I don't know how you get through some of the things that you have had to deal with. I want some of your strength. You are one of the most admirable people I know. You deserve all of the good things that life has to offer. You have made a lot of sacrifices and it wasn't even by your own choosing.
For you Frankly.........."Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth"
Honeslty Frankly, I don't know how you get through some of the things that you have had to deal with. I want some of your strength. You are one of the most admirable people I know. You deserve all of the good things that life has to offer. You have made a lot of sacrifices and it wasn't even by your own choosing.
For you Frankly.........."Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth"
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Frankly,
I think the way you can handle all of this happening shows recovery in action.
(Honest, I want to be you when I grow up..)
Sad story you gave there for all concerned.....
Sometimes, I think when these kind of things happen, and people are victimized, they should ask US what we would like to see done.
Hugs to you,
I think the way you can handle all of this happening shows recovery in action.
(Honest, I want to be you when I grow up..)
Sad story you gave there for all concerned.....
Sometimes, I think when these kind of things happen, and people are victimized, they should ask US what we would like to see done.
Hugs to you,
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
wascally - unfortunately there are people in this world that do things like that and even worse, some are addicts, some aren't. It's the one thing that I have never really come to terms with, the innocent ones, the helpless ones, the children.
Lobo - you have the same strength that I do, I strongly believe that all our experiences our harships and pain and loss happens for a reason. I really don't carry it, my HP does. The more I learn to lean on him and trust him, the easier it is to face anything. Besides, you should have met me when I first came here, I was a mess, I'm still a mess, just now I'm a mess with a program and working on changing what I can. Hugs my friend.
Greet - I love you girl.
LOL Moose, How about we just both agree never to grow up. Been there, done that, now I'm ready to go back. Innocence was bliss. I did file a victim impact statement and voiced my opinion about what should be done.
Lobo - you have the same strength that I do, I strongly believe that all our experiences our harships and pain and loss happens for a reason. I really don't carry it, my HP does. The more I learn to lean on him and trust him, the easier it is to face anything. Besides, you should have met me when I first came here, I was a mess, I'm still a mess, just now I'm a mess with a program and working on changing what I can. Hugs my friend.
Greet - I love you girl.
LOL Moose, How about we just both agree never to grow up. Been there, done that, now I'm ready to go back. Innocence was bliss. I did file a victim impact statement and voiced my opinion about what should be done.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
Terrible story, and so sorry you had to go thru all of this. The disease of addiction is truly from Hell, and often (maybe even usually) the victims (addicts) become the victimizers and the only winner is the devil himself. But you were totally innocent and yet seem to be not bitter at all. I admire that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 220
Whenever I think I have it bad, all I have to do is come here and read the experiences from my SR friends. I was sitting square on my pity pot today, and then I read your story. Wow. I am done with self pity for today! I will spend the rest of today reviewing my gratitude list.
Your story points out how low drugs can take people. ( Makes my XAH look like citizen of the year....) It also points out how far you have come since you began your recovery journey. Funny how we have become better people because of their addiction...
Thanks for sharing, Frankly. I needed that slap up side the head today.
Mwah,
Babs
Your story points out how low drugs can take people. ( Makes my XAH look like citizen of the year....) It also points out how far you have come since you began your recovery journey. Funny how we have become better people because of their addiction...
Thanks for sharing, Frankly. I needed that slap up side the head today.
Mwah,
Babs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
