old friends, new me
Doormat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mahwah, NJ
Posts: 19
old friends, new me
Recently I hung out with an old friend and an ex boyfriend. It wasn't anything special but it caused me to revaluate my current predicament. We were just watching a christmas movie and recalling better times when suddenly exbf said "What happened to you? What happened to the girl with that spark who wouldn't take crap from anyone? This kristin is not the same person I was in love with." Well since this was randomly blurted out while I was in mid-sentence and my old friend was sitting beside me, it was kind of awkward to say the least. Old friend casually left the room and I was left speechless.
Once I regained feeling I said, "___people change. People grow and realize they cannot conquer everything and they change." He didn't like my answer very much and said this..."The girl I used to know didn't change for anyone. She was always her own person and was always the one with the smile. She made a bad day a good one and I think ___(abf) is why you have changed. I don't like what he has done to you. Have you seen yourself lately? Do you know how to smile anymore? Do you know what being happy feels like?"
Those words stung. Especially at Christmastime. Thank goodness old friend walked back in. I did not want to debate my current train wreck love life with the man I once wanted to be with forever.
Today, a week later, I'm watching another movie and thinking of those words. He is right. I have changed. I am cautious. I'm careful about what I say to everyone. I'm quieter. (and I was always a quiet person to begin with.) I put everything I had into making HIM happy and making HIM better. I DO NOT like this person that I've become!
Abf and I decided to take a break but it didn't last and now we've tried sort-of being together. It's all up in the air but I've decided that no matter the outcome with abf, I'm going to do things for me. I want to be the girl I once was. I don't like who I am right now. I'm not worried about abf anymore. He's a grown man and he can take care of himself. I intend to do the same for me.
I've been eating healthy and getting exercise and I look very healthy and fit. For the first time in years I am excited to shop for christmas clothes for the holiday with my family. I will not spend christmas with abf's family. This time it's about me.
Today was a good day and I feel good because I didn't worry about something I have no control over. I did what I wanted to do and I didn't seek approval from abf. I sought approval from myself
Once I regained feeling I said, "___people change. People grow and realize they cannot conquer everything and they change." He didn't like my answer very much and said this..."The girl I used to know didn't change for anyone. She was always her own person and was always the one with the smile. She made a bad day a good one and I think ___(abf) is why you have changed. I don't like what he has done to you. Have you seen yourself lately? Do you know how to smile anymore? Do you know what being happy feels like?"
Those words stung. Especially at Christmastime. Thank goodness old friend walked back in. I did not want to debate my current train wreck love life with the man I once wanted to be with forever.
Today, a week later, I'm watching another movie and thinking of those words. He is right. I have changed. I am cautious. I'm careful about what I say to everyone. I'm quieter. (and I was always a quiet person to begin with.) I put everything I had into making HIM happy and making HIM better. I DO NOT like this person that I've become!
Abf and I decided to take a break but it didn't last and now we've tried sort-of being together. It's all up in the air but I've decided that no matter the outcome with abf, I'm going to do things for me. I want to be the girl I once was. I don't like who I am right now. I'm not worried about abf anymore. He's a grown man and he can take care of himself. I intend to do the same for me.
I've been eating healthy and getting exercise and I look very healthy and fit. For the first time in years I am excited to shop for christmas clothes for the holiday with my family. I will not spend christmas with abf's family. This time it's about me.
Today was a good day and I feel good because I didn't worry about something I have no control over. I did what I wanted to do and I didn't seek approval from abf. I sought approval from myself
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: land of the sick and tired
Posts: 68
I can relate to your post. I was at a hockey game with my son a few months ago and a male coworker came up to me and said "You are allowed to have fun here". He had been watching me during the game.
This totally stuck with me as I have not been able to "have fun" riding the roller coaster of alcoholism. I was never like this 10 years ago. I was the person who always smiled and had fun. As the saying goes "Nothing changes if nothing changes" .
I am making the changes in my life that I need to make. I do have the power to be happy again. That choice is up to me.
This totally stuck with me as I have not been able to "have fun" riding the roller coaster of alcoholism. I was never like this 10 years ago. I was the person who always smiled and had fun. As the saying goes "Nothing changes if nothing changes" .
I am making the changes in my life that I need to make. I do have the power to be happy again. That choice is up to me.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Bril 
Be gentle with yourself as you move forward-change is scary but worth every step to make the change to a brighter happier US! Embrace it and embrace life-but never forget YOU!
Be gentle with yourself as you move forward-change is scary but worth every step to make the change to a brighter happier US! Embrace it and embrace life-but never forget YOU!
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