She is OK
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
She is OK
Called last night and today. She has been "too embarressed" to call. States Oxford House told her she could come back in 30 days because she didn't lie when she was caught. After she called me from walmart, they went to a restaurant and drank. Got home late, smelled of alcohol, and the rest is in the previous post. Or so I was told.
She is staying w/ her work manager for 30 days and then going back. She has been working and doing paperwork on step 4 daily. I praised her for that, and encouraged her. I am still mad, though.
She asked if she could still come home for Christmas. I told her as long as she was not drinking or drugging, I'd love to have her but I am NOT flying her here to act out again and run straight to the drug house.
I don't know what is true, what is not. I told her the only reason I called sponsor is I was concerned, she understood and said she was glad I could still care......who know's but nice words, hugh??
Thanks for being tolerant of my regression and ranting, I hate this every time. I am proud of her if the above is true, and time will tell.
love to all,
susan
She is staying w/ her work manager for 30 days and then going back. She has been working and doing paperwork on step 4 daily. I praised her for that, and encouraged her. I am still mad, though.
She asked if she could still come home for Christmas. I told her as long as she was not drinking or drugging, I'd love to have her but I am NOT flying her here to act out again and run straight to the drug house.
I don't know what is true, what is not. I told her the only reason I called sponsor is I was concerned, she understood and said she was glad I could still care......who know's but nice words, hugh??
Thanks for being tolerant of my regression and ranting, I hate this every time. I am proud of her if the above is true, and time will tell.
love to all,
susan
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
I hate it too... the ranting and raving, but somehow when I say it out loud and let other's know, it helps because I feel that it's not in my head. I have to let it out... have discussions about it. Sometimes it all seems so crazy that we can't separate ourselves from it... or join them with unconditional love on that ride they are on. Wouldn't it be nice to just always believe that what they are saying is true? Is it just a known fact that drug users lie?
It sounds as though your daughter and you have a pretty close relationship...
(((hugs)))
It sounds as though your daughter and you have a pretty close relationship...
(((hugs)))
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
It sounds like she's still trying to fight this pretty hard, that's is awesome.
Once people relapse (especially right now) I hear so many say, I'll just wait
till after Christmas and then I'll stop. That's so much easier to do than to do, than to do what she's doing.
With 2+ years under my belt and a pretty "Solid" feeling of Recovery, I still get tests thrown at me often, and sometimes I tell you I'm like, Damit....
I pass them, but I think, Thank GOD this didn't happen when I was at 6 months.
You can look at her in two ways, You can look for every lie, you can look for every mistake, all the ways she just hurt herself and you again, and You WILL find as Many as you want to find, and IF you want to find a Lie, You Will find one.
or You can look at her and look at how she's fighting, how she didn't give up, how she's still working, working her steps, going back into the recovery house, she's still coming to see you, she's not giving up, etc. IF you look for the good, You WILL find it.
Whatever you are looking for she's going to feel. You know what, if she is telling a lie about something, that's on her, so what. Right now as far as you know she's not, so why even put that out there. It's going to and seems like it is making you feel bad, when it hasn't even happened.
I'm not sticking up for her only, but what we look for we find. If you start thinking and looking at the positive in this, I bet you start feeling a whole lot better inside.
We seem to project the best, or project the worst depending on our past situations understandably, but she's not that same person anymore.
She's growing, and is a lot stronger than she was even a few months ago.
And SO ARE YOU!!
But even with all that said, I do still understand everything you said and why, I'm just playing devil's advocate. :ghug3 and I'm really tired so I don't know if I'm making any sense. :puppet
Once people relapse (especially right now) I hear so many say, I'll just wait
till after Christmas and then I'll stop. That's so much easier to do than to do, than to do what she's doing.
With 2+ years under my belt and a pretty "Solid" feeling of Recovery, I still get tests thrown at me often, and sometimes I tell you I'm like, Damit....
I pass them, but I think, Thank GOD this didn't happen when I was at 6 months.
You can look at her in two ways, You can look for every lie, you can look for every mistake, all the ways she just hurt herself and you again, and You WILL find as Many as you want to find, and IF you want to find a Lie, You Will find one.
or You can look at her and look at how she's fighting, how she didn't give up, how she's still working, working her steps, going back into the recovery house, she's still coming to see you, she's not giving up, etc. IF you look for the good, You WILL find it.
Whatever you are looking for she's going to feel. You know what, if she is telling a lie about something, that's on her, so what. Right now as far as you know she's not, so why even put that out there. It's going to and seems like it is making you feel bad, when it hasn't even happened.
I'm not sticking up for her only, but what we look for we find. If you start thinking and looking at the positive in this, I bet you start feeling a whole lot better inside.
We seem to project the best, or project the worst depending on our past situations understandably, but she's not that same person anymore.
She's growing, and is a lot stronger than she was even a few months ago.
And SO ARE YOU!!
But even with all that said, I do still understand everything you said and why, I'm just playing devil's advocate. :ghug3 and I'm really tired so I don't know if I'm making any sense. :puppet
Last edited by Done_With_It; 12-13-2007 at 05:13 PM. Reason: fixed a word
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by Abundance 
wow ... that totally answered my last 2 questions...
you are right... we find what we are looking for .....
you are right... we find what we are looking for .....
end up lying or something that wasn't even really a lie ends up
turning into a lie because they are looking for you to lie, and you
start to get turned upside down? lol
That happened to me when someone thought I was back on meth,
and I was actually sick and depressed from being sick, I'm on wellbutrin,
so my eyes were dialated, he wanted to believe I was lying, and
I ended up lying about something stupid to convince him "I wasn't
lying to him about being on meth", it was the only thing I could think
of to convince of, he was so mad at me, it was horrible, I was so upset.
lol, and my eyes were dialated, and I felt like he had the right to be mad
and yelling at me, but I was mad cuz I was trying to hard, it was horrible.
Later I was just like why does he have to look at all the negatives, instead
of all the good I'm doing right now, my Gawd.
I mean I understood, but I also know whereever I go, or whatever I look for in people is what I find. If I want to think someone is an *******, I will find a reason to think that, but if I want to think they are a sweet guy, I will find a reason. And that person will feel that and become more of that person.
Weird how we work....
And I know it's so much harder to do that with a user because you start to give up on them, it's hard not to, and they give up on themselves. It's very hard, but I do believe it helps to change that energy. It helps me anyway.
I'm not blaming anyone, just my experience.
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Done -
I totally understand what you're saying and I've been looking at the situation the same way.
She made a mistake (yes), BUT she didn't lie about it, she's still working with her sponsor, and at her job. That is all totally NOT addictive behavior.
Thanks for writing what I was thinking (again).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I totally understand what you're saying and I've been looking at the situation the same way.
She made a mistake (yes), BUT she didn't lie about it, she's still working with her sponsor, and at her job. That is all totally NOT addictive behavior.
Thanks for writing what I was thinking (again).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
it's so true... i suppose I've never been thought of as a liar... so I don't know, but wow can i point it out.
There have been a few times that my bf has called me out on it... and basically said just what you have said.... it's surreal.
a few other people have told me it is what you look for....... such a different mind set, but i respect it!
I think what is best is to just observe and have no seeking ... craving or aversion.
THAT is so much easier said than done!
There have been a few times that my bf has called me out on it... and basically said just what you have said.... it's surreal.
a few other people have told me it is what you look for....... such a different mind set, but i respect it!
I think what is best is to just observe and have no seeking ... craving or aversion.
THAT is so much easier said than done!
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I'm going through a similar situation, and I feel for ya, but we can hang in there and get through this, after all we have been through worse haven't we?
I bought a book I had been contimplating on for quite awhile its "the secret"
It talks about the law of attraction. If we worry all the time that we are going to get hit by a car, in time we will probably get hit by a car. The same goes for our feelings and emotions. If we look for lies we will find them.
I bought a book I had been contimplating on for quite awhile its "the secret"
It talks about the law of attraction. If we worry all the time that we are going to get hit by a car, in time we will probably get hit by a car. The same goes for our feelings and emotions. If we look for lies we will find them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
You are all right, and I learn everyday from you. At first, all the past was all I could hear/see. As I thought through what my group said, what I've learned, Amy is right...she is taking responsibility, hit a bump and trying.
My group said last night considering it is the holiday season that is good, they would have waiting until after NewYears eve.
I asked her who's idea it was to try and get back into sober house. she said hers, and her sponsor went w/ her to talk to them. I told her that was the best news I'd hear and I was proud of her for realizing a mistake and moving on. That's all I could think to say as I was still mad, but didn't want her to know. It's hard to believe, and I know that will come back in time. I do catch myself listening for every word, every lie. But, I also learning to listen for the good, Amy & Done taught me that!!! She is doing alot differnet this time, and has to have learned something from all the other times!! I am so glad today that she is OK, and she asked to go back to the Sober House--and because she told the truth when she was busted, they will allow it.
THanks for keeping me in line and in touch. I couldn't make it w/o ya'll
love,
susan
My group said last night considering it is the holiday season that is good, they would have waiting until after NewYears eve.
I asked her who's idea it was to try and get back into sober house. she said hers, and her sponsor went w/ her to talk to them. I told her that was the best news I'd hear and I was proud of her for realizing a mistake and moving on. That's all I could think to say as I was still mad, but didn't want her to know. It's hard to believe, and I know that will come back in time. I do catch myself listening for every word, every lie. But, I also learning to listen for the good, Amy & Done taught me that!!! She is doing alot differnet this time, and has to have learned something from all the other times!! I am so glad today that she is OK, and she asked to go back to the Sober House--and because she told the truth when she was busted, they will allow it.
THanks for keeping me in line and in touch. I couldn't make it w/o ya'll
love,
susan
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Susan,
I'm so glad that she is okay and staying in touch with you. Her recovery is showing through. She knows what it is that she has to do and she is doing it. She is using the tools that she has been taught to get back where she needs to be.
You sound pretty good and you are handling this well. I admire you courage.
Sending hugs................Lo
I'm so glad that she is okay and staying in touch with you. Her recovery is showing through. She knows what it is that she has to do and she is doing it. She is using the tools that she has been taught to get back where she needs to be.
You sound pretty good and you are handling this well. I admire you courage.
Sending hugs................Lo
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
They train us how to treat them.... and visa versa - changing that is a process.
I am glad she is still in contact with program folk - and perhaps she can check with them regarding coming home for Christmas. They will have a better idea of how much a trigger coming home might be...
My son's house kicked out a member - he did the 30 days at a mens shelter - then came back. Far as I know, he stayed in the Oxford House for another 4 years or so - until he could afford to move on. It can be an amazing process... but it is SO hard to watch when we are close to the one who is in recovery.
If you haven't started face to face meetings, now would be a good time! If you are going, you might consider increasing the number of meeting you attend, or even picking up a few open AA and open NA meetings, too.
((((Caileesnana)))) Wishing you the best.
I am glad she is still in contact with program folk - and perhaps she can check with them regarding coming home for Christmas. They will have a better idea of how much a trigger coming home might be...
My son's house kicked out a member - he did the 30 days at a mens shelter - then came back. Far as I know, he stayed in the Oxford House for another 4 years or so - until he could afford to move on. It can be an amazing process... but it is SO hard to watch when we are close to the one who is in recovery.
If you haven't started face to face meetings, now would be a good time! If you are going, you might consider increasing the number of meeting you attend, or even picking up a few open AA and open NA meetings, too.
((((Caileesnana)))) Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Susan -
So glad to hear that things are looking up. When we A's go into recovery, we don't stop making mistakes...we hopefully learn from them and keep on trucking on recovery road. It sounds like that is what Kasey is doing.
And don't be hard on yourself for going back to the past....it's going to take a long, long time before that isn't second nature. There are certain things I can say or do and my dad will be right back in the past. The more I learn about codie recovery, the more I realize it's pretty much the same as addiction recovery....we all have triggers and it's great we can reach out here for a helping hand to get past it and see the big picture.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
So glad to hear that things are looking up. When we A's go into recovery, we don't stop making mistakes...we hopefully learn from them and keep on trucking on recovery road. It sounds like that is what Kasey is doing.
And don't be hard on yourself for going back to the past....it's going to take a long, long time before that isn't second nature. There are certain things I can say or do and my dad will be right back in the past. The more I learn about codie recovery, the more I realize it's pretty much the same as addiction recovery....we all have triggers and it's great we can reach out here for a helping hand to get past it and see the big picture.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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