nandm

I have been in therapy for my PTSD for over 3 years now. I knew I had depression prior to getting sober and originally sought treatment for that. During that treatment the PTSD was identified. Related to my childhood as well as the things I have seen and had to deal with while working as a paramedic. I have been a nurse for 20 years and a paramedic for 12 years. I still have a current nursing license. My problem is I have lost 2 jobs related to my reactions to male bosses due to my PTSD. I am now at a point where I can not even get out the door to go to job interviews. Have acute anxiety when trying to call or apply for jobs. I have been out of work for a little over a year now. I do have klonopin for anxiety but hate to take it too frequently as it is a highly addictive medication. Even when I do take the klonopin it does not do much to change my ability to deal with the job issue. I have difficulty sleeping and nightmares when I do allow myself to sleep. I started school in hopes that finding a different line of work would help with the PTSD but even with that I have trouble many days just getting out the door to go to class. I can have my bag on my shoulder, keys in hand and try and open the door, wind up in an acute anxiety attack and not be able to get past the door. Missing class has affected my grades. I have tried to take just simple jobs, like pumping gas but can not even seem to deal with the hiring process on them either. I have had jobs just handed to me that I could not follow through on and take. I don't know what to do anymore. I am changing therapists because my current one has too much personal stuff going on right now to see me as frequently as she feels I need. Also the PTSD/anxiety reaction has gotten substantially worse over the past year. I thought about applying for disability as a temporary financial help until the PTSD/anxiety can be brought under control but was told since I am going to school I will not recieve it. Does anyone have experience with disability help? If so please tell me about your experience. I did apply but have not heard anything back yet. Thanks for reading this.

Introvrtd1

Yes. Getting another therapist seems to be something ur going in the right direction.

Fortunately I had a good one that helped me.

I hope u find one that can help you. PTSD can be hard to deal with, especially when its something from a haunting past.

I can offer only my encouragement while u seek help.

Klonopin kept me in a drowsy state 24/7. I started paxil and it made me too aggressive. Besides, some of those meds can be addictive and hard to kick, but they help immensely.

Warm regards and hope you get better.

Intro

nandm

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your experience and kind words. I take cymbalta and lamictal as well. Those help with the depression and anxiety to a certain degree and they don't leave me feeling like a zombie. That is one of the things I hate about most psych meds. I wonder which is worse sometimes the disease or the "cure". But I do know that the only way to get better is to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. So here goes the other foot....lol

GailJ

You will get past this, do you have a friend or family member that can stick close to you when getting out of the house. Talk to the faculty at school too they may be a great help if they know what your dealing with and how severe you anxiety is at this point. You do need to get out but take it baby steps at a time and try not to overwhelm yourself.

Jane63

**{nandm}}
I can't offer any advice or info on the disabilty help {sorry} but I wanted to tell you to never give up and to keep trying different things to keep yourself from isolating!

Mental illness runs in my family...My Dad has been suffering from it for years and about 4-years ago, it finally got the best of him and he gave up ALL hope.
He has not been out of the house for over 3-years...I mean literally has not stepped foot outside! {That, in itself would drive a person crazy, IMHO!}

He goes through long periods, one time almost a full year of not bathing or changing his clothes. His sweatshirt had become so stained that it actually had mold growing on it! {he "messed himself" one morning and while washing off, my Mom threw it away or he would probably STILL be wearing it!}

These are just a few of his strange quirks, but my point is that once you let the anxiety get the best of you and start giving in, letting it take over your life and telling yourself "I can't!", it gets harder and harder to pull yourself out of it!
I would hate for this to happen to anyone else so please keep trying and never give up! Help is always to be found if we ask for it and if we don't get the results right way, stick to it until you do!
**{HUGS}}
Jane

nandm

Thank you Gail and Jane. I appreciate your kind and hopeful words.

Most days I have hope. I was a little frustrated yesterday but I do think this new therapist has more experience with treating PTSD. I had been seeing the other one for over 3 years and the PTSD only got dramatically worse.

I do think that no longer being able to numb myself with alcohol has had a huge effect on all of this. I have finally given in and applied for disability. I am hoping it will cover me until I am back on my feet. I am doing my best to stick it out with school so I will have a career to go to once I this becomes more managable. I am fortunate that I have been able to take as many classes as I have via the internet rather than having to take them all in a classroom setting.

Jane63

Good job **{nandm}}!! I am glad you are staying strong and focused on your health and well-being!
**{HUGS}}
Jane

Sorta Kinda

WOW can I relate. Can't tell you how much! I was almost never unemployed but never held a job for more than 11 months... I was in the construction field (so easy to get work doing grunt work - well, it was) and also worked a lot of warehouse jobs. I would just flip out and not go back to work... I felt irrational and like maybe I was going crazy because I could never explain my actions to anyone, let alone myself.

So I sought help and was diagnosed with EAD & PTSD. In one long period of unemployment (it was unusual for me to go without finding a job in 1-2 weeks), it was suggested to me by my therapist that I should apply for disability. I'm one of those rare cases that was approved the 1st time I applied. In your situation, I cannot give you any other advice other than, if you do apply, be honest and as open as you can be. Lets them feel what you feel. It won't be easy, but I think it is important. Good luck to ya

Kam123

Hi,

I don't know what to tell you about the school part. Have you thought about going on disability? I applied for it and got it first try in 02 after a bad trauma. I think they may help me with school but I don't know if I could handle school.

When I have an episode in public it is so totally embarrassing. I think it is the fear of having one that keeps me on disability. My psychaitrist encourages me to keep doing volunteer work and keep the stress levels down. I got arrested once for having an episode mistaken as assault. I act angry but I'm really not. That is why my doc want me to stay home.

I hope you can get some help until you go back to work or school,

Take Care!