hopeangel

i have said and really believe that if this could all be done for me... i would have no problem.

if i could wake up tomorrow and go to work (with keys to a new place.) get off work and just drive home to a new place with all my stuff already moved for me. i would have no problem.

if someone else would just get the place, sign the lease, sign the dissolution papers, etc. and i could just start my new life i would be free and happy happy happy!!!

it is the hard part of actually doing all these things that i am having trouble with.

i think this all stems from a feeling that i have that all my life i have had to work and fight for things-that nothing has come easy to me.

sigh...any help with this???
needless to say...ah couldn't even make it a week without the drinking and verbal abuse and never followed through with the AA and sponsor.


i think i have decided to give myself a temporary reprieve from these things until the holidays are over-trying to soften the blow i think.

lets hope the new year will bring me courage and the ability to follow through with things!!!

Cynay

“Every situation perceived properly is an opportunity to heal”


“If I could spare you the pain you’re experiencing, I wouldn’t –because I wouldn’t want to deprive you of the strength and wisdom you will gain from having gone through it and come out on the other side”


Remember always:

Be still and know I am God.

One day it will all become clear the whys and what fors. Just know that you are a very important part of the whole puzzle... and your just being prepared for that.

hopeangel

“If I could spare you the pain you’re experiencing, I wouldn’t –because I wouldn’t want to deprive you of the strength and wisdom you will gain from having gone through it and come out on the other side”

cynay, that is awesome thanks!!! i know your right. i know i will be stronger because when i look back on life- it really is the hard things that i have gone through and experienced that have made me who i am today.

your right - i am trying to take the easy way out and skip all the parts that are eventually going to contribute to the person of strength that i so want to be

i think i am just too content in the place that i am also. it is familiar and safe, but that doesn't me that it is what is best for me.

Cynay

Your will find what is best for you hon... Im pretty sure of that.

I too wish for the easy, loving, safe way .... but someone other then myself is in control and though I would wish things different, God gives me what I need so that when the time comes for whatever is next... Im ready. Familiar and safe would be wonderful but today... well today he has decided its growth so I will be thankful he is paying attention at all.

FormerDoormat

Yep, read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I found it very helpful. Life became much easier for me when I started believing that life is easy. When you expect life to be hard, that's what you get.

Impurrfect

(((hopeangel))))

I read something the other day that said "I look back on my life and I realize that the times I've grown the most were the times I had the most pain" or something like that.

What I got from it, was to realize that I've never made changes because things were good.....why would I? But when I've been struggling, trying the same thing over and over, banging my head against the wall, and finally made the changes....it's always worked out. It may not have worked out the way I wanted it to, but I can look back and see that something good always came out of my change.

You tried it one more time, it didn't work out. Don't beat yourself up because maybe that's what you needed to be sure that it's time for a change.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

WantsOut

When I was little I used to hear the analogy of a chick breaking out of its shell. If you help it, it will not be strong enough to live. It must do the hard work of breaking out - it's part of nature's plan.

MsGolightly

i think this is a big piece. change takes courage, and sometimes, a lot of it. but really, are you content with where you are? are you safe? from your posts that i've read recently, i'm not sure you feel either of those... it's just that where you are doesn't require any physical work. to stay in your current home, you don't have to go through the hassle of finding a new place, moving, signing the papers, etc.

i'm sure you're not happy where you are, but will you be happier staying or leaving, in the long run? every single change requires at least a little bit of effort... and it's not always easy. but if you do it bit by bit, it will whittle away and your momentum to change will increase. sometimes the first step is the hardest!

Miss Pink

If someone went to the gym and worked put for you THEY would be slim....not you.

Same thing applies to becoming a spiritually, healthy person. Got to go thru the exercises of life in order to build spiritual muscles called courage, self-esteem, self-worth, self-love.

You work it, God will provide the bene's.

prodigal

I assume you have read Melodie Beattie's books. Your indulging yourself in wishful thinking. Life, in my opinion, is not necessarily easy. If life were easy, we wouldn't grow. When things are going our way, no sweat. It's when we are faced with crises that we learn to lean on our HP, to dig deep within ourselves to discover how we can mature by handling challenges.

No, everything would not be easier if with a snap of your fingers you had a place to live, your AH stopped drinking, and all the pieces fell into place. That is magical thinking. Facing reality is challenging, but it IS growth-producing.

Courage does NOT mean being brave; courage means doing what YOU need to do even when you're afraid to do it. As I said, if everything you wished to come true without your putting your own sweat and toil into it, would not erase your problems. Facing your problems, regardless of your lack of courage or feelings of fear, will put you on the path to taking those insurmountable mountains on and seeing them as hills - not Mount Everest.

Wascally Wabbit

What I did was take a couple of months to get it all done. I paid for an apartment a month before I actually moved in. I didn't feel so stressed out about having to do it NOW.
Take your time.

Rella927

Hope

We figure things out when there is a greater peace of mind within in us-relax breathe deep and go slow-rushing things is only going to create more chaos and drama within-

Be gentle with yourself it will all come in time-nothing is given to us that we cannot handle it is seeing what is in front of us and taking hold that we need to be aware of-hold on Hope!

Pajarito

When the @#$% hit the fan for me 4 months ago I told a friend that I wished I could just go to sleep and wake up with my life all figured out. He told me that then I wouldn't have made the journey to get to where I'm going. It stinks to have to go through this hard stuff, but absolutely necessary to get to where we are going. Even if it's baby steps I take I know I am just that much closer to finding the sun. Yesterday I started going through things and now my car is loaded up with stuff to give away. Small steps, but something. I'm purging- my house and myself. We can go through this situation together Hopeangel. I'm scared- scared to get the papers going, scared to talk to my daughter about divorce, scared to sell our house, scared of looking for a new place to live. . . I was scared to sell our family car and find myself something smaller- but I did it! It's empowering to go through this hard stuff and realize you did it and you can keep doing the things you need to do- and you'll be ok! Let's hang in there together. Whenever you're ready to do the things you need to do you will. No one can do them for you like you can.

miss communicat

[QUOTE=hopeangel;1600805]


if someone else would just ...... do everything....and i could just start my new life i would be free and happy happy happy!!!

it is the hard part of actually doing all these things that i am having trouble with.

i think this all stems from a feeling that i have that all my life i have had to work and fight for things-that nothing has come easy to me.

sigh...any help with this???
QUOTE]

yes, there's tons of help for you with this.

1. nothing worth having comes free
2. pain is the motivating signal we get before a spiritual growth experience
3. you are not all alone
4. nothing changes if nothing changes
5. try not to awfulize or make a huge stockpile of overwhelming tasks. ie: keep it simple. put ONE foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
6. take care of your needs first, then concentrate on your wants.


there's a start. it may simply be that you need to adjust your attitude toweards growth and change and see it for what it is: inevitable and part of a good life.

You deserve the very best, hope this helps you today.

AskingWhy

Look at 2008 coming up as a FRESH CLEAN SLATE. A chance for you to make a new imprint without the previous 12 months of garbage...you don't forget what has happened and the experiences...but now you've got a fresh new page to start over on...at least that's how I'm trying to look at it. I may not leave for another year or two or three...but I'm getting closer every day and I'll apply what I've gone thru this year to next year and hopefully find some way that I've grown and changed from it.

Barbara52

Amen!

GiveLove

I absolutely agree. It was a series of tiny little steps that helped to free me from a relationship that only made me unhappy.

They were little physical (but invisible to him) things like getting a AAA card, paying off my debt, getting all of the finances separate, building up an emergency fund. They were also spiritual things, like dealing with the fact that I was addicted to the drama, the Lifetime Channel ups and downs, of dealing with the alcoholic....it "validated" me, to use a psychobabble word.

Seriously, after doing all of the little steps, over the course of two years or more, the big step of finally separating myself wasn't that bad at all. It was just a formality.