mr_clean

today i was stressed at work....deadlines, and people messed up things that I had to correct. So I smoked one sigarette.....

after that one sigarette a sudden whirlwind of addictive toughts came up and made me so stressed i just wanted to run around in circles and scream...

So I smoked another, hoping that things would calm down. Afcourse it didn't, it only got worse. My own thoughts were telling me to quit being sober...smoke one more joint...tomorrow continu being sober etc. etc. Making pitfalls for myself.

Today is the first day i actually prayed. Maybe towards god or someone/something else I don't know. But I did pray that's for sure. I really understood that this was way out of my hands, and on my own, I would relapse....i did not gave me a warm special feeling or something magical, but it did help me realise I am not alone to conquer this madness.

but I made it!!! I wrote about 6 pages in my diary, went to this forum to read stories...made a list of the consequences were I to relapse....and the consequenses if I were to stay sober. The list of staying sober was a lot better and that gave me the final push towards the good direction.

Thankfully the whirlwind of toughts has stopped now, but I still have at least 8 hours ahead of me before this day of horrors is over.

So what did I learn?

no room for compensation or moderation. Never!! Not one sigarette, not one beer, not one hit from a bong,

never again.....

I can never ever do anything stupid like I did today again...cause I am an addict..

SaTiT

Thanks for sharing mr_clean.

i think smoking is becuase of the breathing that actaully
calms us down, becuase nigatine is actaully a stemilent.
The makers add additives to make it addictive as we all know.

Sometimes life get very stressful, that much is true.
and taking a breather or a breath of freash air is what we need.
That's people tells me anyways...breathe..breathe..
I notice my breathing becomes irregular when I'm stressed.
I'll hold my breathe.

I don't know..I bascially do the act of taking breathe
and breathing it out as if I was smoking. it calms me down
just the same.

yeap..one is too many and a thousand is never enough for me too.

Jersey Nonny

Believe it or not...it was much harder for me to quit smoking than drinking...it took six years sober in AA, before I was finally able to quit smoking. I had quit for a couple of years...then, the pressure of final exams, and I went to the vending machine, bought a pack, and lit up!!!

I'm sober 28 years, and rarely "think drink"; but, there were certain circumstances that would trigger the thought of smoking: getting in the car for a long ride, after dinner, coming out of the pool/ocean, stressful times like doing taxes. I consider myself a "recovering smoker" of 20 years.

mr_clean

I sometimes think my addiction for mariuhuana is fuelled by my cravings towards nicotine....

it's all connected..

thank you for your replies..