NA and Alanon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
NA and Alanon
Hi, I'm back. I've been reading threads, and soaking up the advice. I'm moving forward with divorcing my AH, but right now I'm still in the house, upstairs - can't find a place I'm comfortable with to rent. I have been working hard on myself since first posting, and still feel like I have a lot of questions sometimes, but I'm letting those go slowly. I wanted to share something that has helped me a lot so far, and that was being invited to NA meetings with a friend who is a 20-year recovery person. I don't know how else to say that. Anyway, I feel a bit of a voyeur when I go, but everyone has been accepting of me sitting quietly in the room with them and only sharing in the closing "prayer". What I have learned in those rooms weekly is what a real addict in recovery looks like, and that's what was intended. I don't keep going because I need to learn that part anymore, I keep going because I actually seem to gain more strength there than at alanon, and also I come away feeling really good and uplifted. Not that alanon doesn't help or doesn't make me feel uplifted, I guess it's just an added something that I need right now. My AH has tried to tell me he's tapering, etc. I didn't know what that meant, and I certainly didn't know what a real recovery looked like, and now that I know, I also know that he's not doing either - tapering or recovering. I feel sad for him, but I am doing what I need to do to take care of myself, to learn and to grow from this whole mess. In so many ways, I'm grateful in a way. I never would have explored any of this stuff otherwise, and honestly - this board, Alanon, NA, reaching out to friends for support has been an amazing - not easy - journey so far, and I can't see it being anything but good.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I too often went to open meetings of NA and AA, as well as my regular CoDA meetings, and I found them all uplifting and helpful also.
Like you, I listened a lot and rarely shared there, except in the prayers, but those meetings gave me hope and also connected me more deeply with the 12 step program.
Hugs
Like you, I listened a lot and rarely shared there, except in the prayers, but those meetings gave me hope and also connected me more deeply with the 12 step program.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SC
Posts: 1,027
I've gone to open NA meetings too. I loved it. It helped me to realize that it isn't as easy as just putting it down and stopping for my RAH. It was a struggle. Seeing that from another addicts point of view helped me to be more compassionate and helped me to learn to separate the addict from the person I fell in love with.
I however, think Naranon, Alanon or Coda meetings are super important as well because it teaches us how to work the steps for OUR problem, codependency.
I however, think Naranon, Alanon or Coda meetings are super important as well because it teaches us how to work the steps for OUR problem, codependency.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
I too attended NA meetings when I first started my recovery. It let me understand the other side.
Last night at my home group for Nar-Anon was our anniversary meeting. We had a lot of addicts there supporting the recovering addict that spoke to us. He and they made us laugh most of the time he was talking. At the end of the meeting THEY ALL thanked us for not blaming them, and listening, really listening to what they said. They like the idea that we said we were also sick, and needed as much help as the addict.
Try to attend other al-anon/nar-anon meetings you might find one that fits you better than the first one. But in the mean time keep attending any meeting you find helpful. If you share at a meeting, let them know how much they are helping you learn and grow.
Last night at my home group for Nar-Anon was our anniversary meeting. We had a lot of addicts there supporting the recovering addict that spoke to us. He and they made us laugh most of the time he was talking. At the end of the meeting THEY ALL thanked us for not blaming them, and listening, really listening to what they said. They like the idea that we said we were also sick, and needed as much help as the addict.
Try to attend other al-anon/nar-anon meetings you might find one that fits you better than the first one. But in the mean time keep attending any meeting you find helpful. If you share at a meeting, let them know how much they are helping you learn and grow.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I get a lot of hope from open NA and open AA meetings - sometimes, that is exactly what I need.
What *I* need to be careful of, tho, is that I don't replace MY recovery with those meetings. Because, to be honest, MY recovery is far more difficult. sigh.
So I have one Alanon meeting that is really good - lots of focus on recovery and program, and not so much on the "qualifier" that got me there. That one is less uplifting, but more instructional in some ways... and gets me to take action. Taking action is the hardest part - for me, anyway.
Face to face meetings, tho, of any kind, are better than being alone inside my head. It is a dark and scary place in there....
(((hugs)))
What *I* need to be careful of, tho, is that I don't replace MY recovery with those meetings. Because, to be honest, MY recovery is far more difficult. sigh.
So I have one Alanon meeting that is really good - lots of focus on recovery and program, and not so much on the "qualifier" that got me there. That one is less uplifting, but more instructional in some ways... and gets me to take action. Taking action is the hardest part - for me, anyway.
Face to face meetings, tho, of any kind, are better than being alone inside my head. It is a dark and scary place in there....
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 92
I am not sure if I should go to a AA or NA meeting. How do I find them in Tucson, AZ?
My story is my ex-boyfriend (as a a few days ago) admitted to a coke habit after lying to me for the year we dated, I am 30, he's 31. I think he is an alcoholic too, he drinks almost every night and he doesn't know when to stop. He has one DUI and always tries to get his friends to drive so he drink as much as he wants.
We broke up, lying and using are dealbreakers for me. But I could use some support as far as my codependence and dealing with the betrayal.
Where should I go?
Thanks!!!
SG
My story is my ex-boyfriend (as a a few days ago) admitted to a coke habit after lying to me for the year we dated, I am 30, he's 31. I think he is an alcoholic too, he drinks almost every night and he doesn't know when to stop. He has one DUI and always tries to get his friends to drive so he drink as much as he wants.
We broke up, lying and using are dealbreakers for me. But I could use some support as far as my codependence and dealing with the betrayal.
Where should I go?
Thanks!!!
SG
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
For Al-Anon you can go to www.alanon.org
For Nar-Anon www.naranon.org
Go to either one. Whatever is closer, since they both use the 12 steps and in nar-anon we use alot of the books from al-anon and just change the words from alchol to drugs etc.
For Nar-Anon www.naranon.org
Go to either one. Whatever is closer, since they both use the 12 steps and in nar-anon we use alot of the books from al-anon and just change the words from alchol to drugs etc.
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