chero

Hey All! I haven't been posting much--just reading. Actually, I think I've just been tip-toeing through life trying to make it past the holidays without too many breakdowns. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should be glad that I'm not living life with an A anymore. And I am, but it's still hard!

Oh, what I wouldn't give to be able to speed up time during my first holiday season alone. I'd make it be March 1. That way Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day would all be over!!

UGH!

To all my friends here at SR who've been here and made it through this phase...you have super-star status in my eyes!

prodigal

Ah, Chero, the holidays are tough on so many of us, whether we're still with the A or not. I remember my first Xmas alone. I couldn't afford dining room furniture for my apartment, but it sure made stringing lights on my tree a lot easier. My dining room became the "Christmas extravaganza." I bought gifts for my cat and wrapped them. I still have photos of him romping through the boxes and wrapping paper on Christmas Day. I spent the holiday alone.

Yeah, I was bummed somewhat, but every time I unlocked the door of my apartment I knew I wasn't coming home to the unexpected. I was coming home to my cat and serenity. Being alone? Well, it was a less than stellar experience, but not having the A in my life to wreck Christmas was worth it.

Do something special for yourself. Get together with family and friends. Two ladies from my church invited me to their homes one Christmas and New Year's when I was single. I had a wonderful time and didn't have to worry about any craziness cropping up to spoil the occasion.

SaTiT

Hi Chero glad to hear from you

guineapigjude

Hi Chero, getting through my first holiday without XAH. But thankfully I have the kids!
I do know I'm moving forward, though. The other day I was in Walgreens and walked past a display of after shave kits ~ the kind I bought XAH every Christmas. My heart sank. For a second I thought it was because I wouldn't be buying one for him this year. Then I stopped to actually think about my reaction, and I realized my heart sank because the kits reminded me of XAH, and for a second I thought I was still with him and needed to get one! Perked me right up to really feel like I used to feel when I was with him and realize I didn't have to feel that way anymore. It was also a bit scary to see how much of a hold he had on me.

CBrown

I know it too, and it's an awful season. I agree, March 1 would be perfect. Last Sunday it was a year to the day I flew to Florida to see why my XABF was acting so weird and arrived to find him in horrific shape. That started a year of turmoil. So Sunday was rough and dragged me back in the drama. This coming Monday he's leaving on "the trip" with the GF. I didn't want to go, I still don't want to go, but the whole thing still bothers me. I think anticipation of Christmas makes me more bluesy than the actual day! And then there's Valentine's Day, the day they're supposed to get married.

Sheesh, I know I'm supposed to have numbed myself by now, but this season is stinkin hard. And I'm BUSY. What if I didn't have anything to do?

ICU

I hear 'ya! I felt much the same way my year of firsts! But when they came around, I was able to compare my first year without to my last year with . I found out my year of first without was much, much better! A little melancholy, sure, but still, much better!

Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? When you do, you'll see there's another super-star right there in front of you!

FormerDoormat

This will be my first Christmas without my alcoholic boyfriend, too. He died six months ago. But instead of focusing on my loss, I'm putting all my efforts into making this the best Christmas ever, and I'm having a wonderful time. I believe that life is what I make it.

For the last few years, my life was a nightmare of my own making. Then I realized that I always have choices. I could choose to get busy living or get busy dying. I chose to get busy living. Whether I'm alone this Christmas or surrounded by friends, family, and loved ones, I can enjoy a peaceful and joyous holiday. And that's exactly what I'm doing. I believe the power to choose is the greatest gift of all.

I hope everyone here chooses to have a peaceful and joyous holiday, too.

cagefree

Good to hear from you Chero
I've missed your posts!

justjo

Hi Chero
Hope you and everyone here has a Merry Christmas too. It will be sad for me too - first year with my sister.
Jo

chero

Hey G, that cracked me up! I had completely forgotten about this dream I had the other night that this friend of mine and I were both super heroes only we didn't know about each other's secret identity. And then we found out and we both got called to leave a party and go to a job and so we rode together in the car and the whole time(in my dream) I was thinking how strange it was that we never knew about each other and how strange that our super heroes weren't friends but our regular selves were.

I'm sure that has something to do with the fact that all my relationships seem to be suffering under the weight of....well, me just trying to figure out me...and life on my own and on my own terms.

I'm glad I have you guys!!! This place is like my own little private super-hero hang-out!

lilac

Good to hear from you! Yes, the holidays take it out of you, I know.....I will be glad when springtime (march) arrives.