Midnightfrost

She called and manipulated some poor customer service person into having her cellphone turned back on! Almost used half my minutes in 2 days. I called the service provided and they resuspended the line and put some security loop holes in. I'm so frustrated! I'm just not going to take calls from her when they come. She couldn't even give me the courtesy of calling to say she had it turned back on so you know she knew she was doing something wrong on some level. Although it'll just be a huge pity me party from her with no hope of an apology or anything. She's still denying any kind of addiction. I just don't have the patience to deal with it. Of course this happens on the same day I got le screwed by scheduling at work. I've got to go through the union and grieve it, etc. Considering I'm doing pretty well. I've eaten 3 meals today and snacks(eating is usually the first thing to go) and took care of some emails I had been putting off.

JT

Clearly you do have the patience to deal..you came here. Well done on taking care of yourself and your eating. One must stay healthy!

JT

CatsPajamas

I agree, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself.

PS. JT??? is that really you????

Midnightfrost

I meant the patience to deal with her on the phone. I'm angry right now. And getting on the phone with her would only lead to more drama. I don't see a point in talking to her any way. She's not willing to deal with her addiction and I'm choosing not to deal with her 'til she's ready to deal with her own addiction.

GingerM

I think that one of the hardest things for me to learn to do was to look at caller ID, say "I really don't have enough 'me' left for this person" and not answer it.

So I say kudos to you for not answering the phone and for putting YOUR needs first. That has been something I *still* occasionally struggle with.

Wascally Wabbit

You're doing great by not allowing yourself to be used and abused. I am proud of you! Mom really has to start being responsible for her own actions, and you are doing all the right things by not playing in to the manipulation.
Hang in there Frosty!

snowwhite2940

hang in there and take care of yourself. Your mom has to deal with her own addiction even if she is in denial. I have parents the same way. But they can sure give out the advice to me with my problems, but when the look at themselfs there only answer is there not that bad................ I have had to let go and take care of myself and deal with me. It's hard but as time goes on it get's a little easier.

Midnightfrost

Its amazing isn't it, Snowwhite, how they can dole out the advice and criticize everyone else when their life is in shambles. I've actually watched her help her friends get clean and try to help them stay sober . . . just baffles me. I was so let down that they didn't force her into rehab or anything. She clearly has at the very least a drug problem and probably some sort of underlying mental illness. Its so frustrating that she won't help herself and that the system didn't do anything either.

GingerM

While it isn't funny at the real level, this made me laugh! My father just *loves* to criticize my sister and my choices in spouses (although my spouse seems to vary from being scum of the earth to the best guy ever, depending on which end of the bottle dad's been drinking from). His marriage has been in the toilet since before I was born over 40 years ago.

Yup, they sure do love to give advice, and they sure don't have any room to be giving it.

Ahimsa

I am sorry the hopes of a turn-around were crashed down on Midnight. As much as we try to detach and move on with our own lives, I still think we all harbor a glimmer of hope for recovery, however lost that idea may be in real life. It's such a great thing that you are taking care of YOU though, in the end, that's all that matters, right??? My thoughts are prayers are with you Stay strong!!!

Growing

Just wanted to say I completely agree with what Ahimsa posted.

Ginger, Midnight and Snow, I also agree with the advice thing...

I always hope that my A-recovered mom of 11years will, one day, realize she needs to work on her CoDa/love addiction/neglecting her children whenever she has a new love "interest"- issues.

Today, I don't share my observations with her, after all, I can't take "her inventory". But I know whats going on:wink2: Helps me to protect myself.

Ginger, Midnight and Snow, I *SO* can relate to people giving out advice but not taking any. My Mom to a T.

Just the other day, I called my mom to tell her that the city we were scheduled to move to, *suddenly*, changed to a different major city. We were set to move there for the past 2 months! . (problem with a flakey Human Relations individual)

Her advice?

My Mom: "Well *DON'T* get stressed out about it! Where is the faith you *USED* to have? You should read the 12 step reading materials, after all, I *base my life on those*, its the only way I can get by."

Where is the honesty? Where are "the books" when shes behaving like a dry drunk? She calls me with all her problems and I just listen. I see I need to stop listening.

Now, I see I need to preface any such future calls with "Mom, can you just listen? Something *stressful to anyone* just happened to us and it would be really great if you could just listen and sympathize." It's just sad that this is my own mother...

Maybe she will, maybe she won't. I'll cross that bridge when we get there...and set *another* boundary, if necessary. lol

Its comforting to see how much we all have in common..

Great to read about your self-care Midnight and Good Luck..

Growing

Wascally Wabbit

Wow, Growing. My mom does the AA knows best thing to me too. I can't tell you how many times she's stepped into the sponsor role with me, and given me "advice". Problem is she doesn't listen to her own words.

She is going to come here for Christmas. Instead of hi, I am so glad to see you, the first thing she's gonna say will be, "what's that smell?", or, "I can't stand the perfume you have on", or, "why do you have this piece of furniture here, when it should be here."

my response will be "mom, did you ever hear the AA slogan, Live and Let Live?

So now, my defence is to throw it back at her and let her chew on her own bone for a while.
I don't like confrontation. I hate it when I have to make her STOP annoying the crap out of me. But if I DON"T make her quit, she will continue. I will get crazier, and it's just not worth it to me.

GingerM

Oy, been there done that, only not with parents. With my sibling when we were younger and before either of us had really started any kind of recovery. She came to visit me once (back when you could pick people up at the gate at an airport). First thing she said when she got off the plane? "Wow, you're getting chunky!" I replied "Well you're ugly. At least I can diet." Her response to that?? "There's no reason to get snotty about it!"

Thankfully we've both progressed down our own paths to recovery. What's interesting is that we each had to address the same issues, but each of us needed to do it at drastically different times in our lives. We almost flip-flopped our recoveries in terms of what issues we addressed first/last. Now we have a great relationship and I know I can count on her for anything without having to worry about something biting me in the tush when I'm not expecting it.

Midnightfrost

Ginger. . . I'm going through something similar with my aunt. We used to not get along at all but we are both working hard on our issues stemming from our abusive, addicted families. I got a lot out of spending time with her. She's been recovering a lot longer than me so she has great advice and listens as well! I spent the last week in my home town. But didn't visit or contact mother. But my extended family was very supportive. It was nice to visit with everyone before the holiday and there wasn't major drama!