Just wondering......
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Minneapolis, Mn. Minnesota Alligator Controll
Posts: 286
yea shure
My daughter has 7 yrs sobriety, I like to think I had some positive influance
on her.
But my son keeps me humble, 38 and hard at it, some times I think he uses just to P*** me off.
He says he has it built right in the budget.---- (some day maybe)
on her.
But my son keeps me humble, 38 and hard at it, some times I think he uses just to P*** me off.
He says he has it built right in the budget.---- (some day maybe)
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
OH Kindeyes,
There are a LOT of moms here who have addicts/alcoholic kids. Some of our kids are still using, some are missing in action, some are in recovery, and some have died tragically as a result of their disease.
And we love them no matter what, and our hearts hurt because we cannot make their choices for them, and we can't save them from themselves.
Big hugs from mom to mom
Cats
There are a LOT of moms here who have addicts/alcoholic kids. Some of our kids are still using, some are missing in action, some are in recovery, and some have died tragically as a result of their disease.
And we love them no matter what, and our hearts hurt because we cannot make their choices for them, and we can't save them from themselves.
Big hugs from mom to mom
Cats
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My son is 39 and had been in and out of the recovery/relapse revolving door for many many years. He is missing and I haven't heard from him in over 3 years, but I have learned to put him in God's hands each day and then trust that he is cared for.
My meetings and SR have given me the gift of my own recovery and the ability to live well and see the beauty in each day.
Welcome, hope you'll stick around and walk with us for a while.
Hugs
My meetings and SR have given me the gift of my own recovery and the ability to live well and see the beauty in each day.
Welcome, hope you'll stick around and walk with us for a while.
Hugs
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
(((((((Kindeyes))))) Welcome to the club of parents who have addicted adult
"kids" My son is 23. Use to be major drug addict, currently he is much better w/ mostly alcohol use. He was MIA for awhile but has been back in my home for a few months. He is getting meds + therapy but I can see that he is romancing the drugs again.
I have learned it is a family disease and I am in recovery through Al-anon.
Working the 12 steps has transformed me in many ways.
No doubt about it there is anguish involved. But no matter his sobriety, I know that I will be okay.
"kids" My son is 23. Use to be major drug addict, currently he is much better w/ mostly alcohol use. He was MIA for awhile but has been back in my home for a few months. He is getting meds + therapy but I can see that he is romancing the drugs again.
I have learned it is a family disease and I am in recovery through Al-anon.
Working the 12 steps has transformed me in many ways.
No doubt about it there is anguish involved. But no matter his sobriety, I know that I will be okay.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,930
My daughter who is 32 is bipolar, has learning difficulties and has alcohol/drug problems I haven't seen her in over 4 years now last I heard she was in South Africa, my eldest son is 31, bipolar drunk/addict, so yes we are all in this same boat together, I wish you peace from your suffering. Eventually I have had to let go with love. It is really hard especially with my son who lives close by and has a daughter at weekends, whom I fear for her saftety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi kindeyes,
It's nice to see you over here! Yes, as you can see there are lots of moms here and some dads too, with addicted children. My son has been clean one year and seven months. He used off and on with some sporadic clean time inbetween for over ten years.
I recommend you take a look at all sticky threads on this forum, they are really helpful.
It's nice to see you over here! Yes, as you can see there are lots of moms here and some dads too, with addicted children. My son has been clean one year and seven months. He used off and on with some sporadic clean time inbetween for over ten years.
I recommend you take a look at all sticky threads on this forum, they are really helpful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Gentle hugs to all of you! I am comforted in the knowledge that others understand the heartbreak of parenting a child (even an adult child) who is addicted/alcoholic.
My son is 27. He lives closeby and works with us in our family business. He has come and gone, in and out of our lives for the last ten years. An intervention a year ago was my last resort to help him.....
He stayed sober and attended AA meetings for a few months after the intervention. I got a glimpse of the wonderful man he could be. He relapsed and stopped going to meetings and "it" came back. He is continuing his struggle between sobriety and relapse. But it's just that.....his struggle. (I say that for me but believe me....I struggle with my own recovery every single day.)
My struggle is interesting because like the spouse of an alcoholic.....I see him almost every day. I witness the ups. I survive the downs. I have to remind myself constantly that I need to concentrate on myself and my thoughts and my behaviors and not jump in the middle of his.
Life. What a ride.
My son is 27. He lives closeby and works with us in our family business. He has come and gone, in and out of our lives for the last ten years. An intervention a year ago was my last resort to help him.....
He stayed sober and attended AA meetings for a few months after the intervention. I got a glimpse of the wonderful man he could be. He relapsed and stopped going to meetings and "it" came back. He is continuing his struggle between sobriety and relapse. But it's just that.....his struggle. (I say that for me but believe me....I struggle with my own recovery every single day.)
My struggle is interesting because like the spouse of an alcoholic.....I see him almost every day. I witness the ups. I survive the downs. I have to remind myself constantly that I need to concentrate on myself and my thoughts and my behaviors and not jump in the middle of his.
Life. What a ride.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Hi Kindeyes...
Another mom here - from your neck of the woods, too. (actually MY neck of the woods was in the news all last week - flooding!).
Both my kids are addicts, but it was my daughter's meth addiction that got me here. She was introduce to meth in middle school (6th or 7th grade) by a gal on her recreation basketball team. They used it to "get skinny" like the girl's beautiful older sister. That sister turned out to be my daughter's dealer for several years.
We discovered her use when she was a Junior in High School. How did she hide it for so long? Mostly because I was in denial... but partly because so much of addiction looks very much like teen rebellion - changing clothes, changing hair, not liking school/authority/establishment, sleeping alot, staying out late... sigh.
We had her go to Sundown rehab in Yakima - a wonderful facility, by the way. They have an excellent family program. I should know - I went through there three times! Twice with daughter and once with my son who is an alcoholic/pot addict. And that was all in one year! 2004 was NOT fun...
Anyway. My daughter ended up going to four rehabs, one recovery house, and one Oxford house - and she used after almost every one. What I know today is that not one of those things was a waste of time. Both she and I (and her dad and brother) learned something every time. Each of us got a little further into OUR recovery.... getting through the anger, the denial and the delusion of control.
The things that helped me were coming in here - almost daily, and attending Alanon meetings.... 4 or 5 times a week when my daughter's use was at its worst.
My daughter is clean today - though she doesn't work a program. She is 21, married to an addict she met in her last rehab, and the mom of 2 kids - one 15 month old and one 1 week old premie.
She still has using behaviors - the quick anger, the self involvement, the inability to keep appointments... but she is clean. And in 2004, I would have given ANYTHING to see that. So I can handle the rest of her "behaviors" just fine.
Son is not sober. He went through rehab and spent 18 months in an Oxford house, but decided to go back out. He is getting a little worse... and missing out on several opportunities. But he is open about his using, somewhat. And I leave him alone. He loves me, respects my opinion and I love him the same way. Without Alanon, I don't think I could say that.
Anyway - that's all about me. Sober Recovery (SR) has given me lots of places to read and "talk" about addiction - when none of my "earth friends" could ever get it.
I hope you read the stickies (posts at the top of the forum) and stick around. This is a great place.
Welcome!
Another mom here - from your neck of the woods, too. (actually MY neck of the woods was in the news all last week - flooding!).
Both my kids are addicts, but it was my daughter's meth addiction that got me here. She was introduce to meth in middle school (6th or 7th grade) by a gal on her recreation basketball team. They used it to "get skinny" like the girl's beautiful older sister. That sister turned out to be my daughter's dealer for several years.
We discovered her use when she was a Junior in High School. How did she hide it for so long? Mostly because I was in denial... but partly because so much of addiction looks very much like teen rebellion - changing clothes, changing hair, not liking school/authority/establishment, sleeping alot, staying out late... sigh.
We had her go to Sundown rehab in Yakima - a wonderful facility, by the way. They have an excellent family program. I should know - I went through there three times! Twice with daughter and once with my son who is an alcoholic/pot addict. And that was all in one year! 2004 was NOT fun...
Anyway. My daughter ended up going to four rehabs, one recovery house, and one Oxford house - and she used after almost every one. What I know today is that not one of those things was a waste of time. Both she and I (and her dad and brother) learned something every time. Each of us got a little further into OUR recovery.... getting through the anger, the denial and the delusion of control.
The things that helped me were coming in here - almost daily, and attending Alanon meetings.... 4 or 5 times a week when my daughter's use was at its worst.
My daughter is clean today - though she doesn't work a program. She is 21, married to an addict she met in her last rehab, and the mom of 2 kids - one 15 month old and one 1 week old premie.
She still has using behaviors - the quick anger, the self involvement, the inability to keep appointments... but she is clean. And in 2004, I would have given ANYTHING to see that. So I can handle the rest of her "behaviors" just fine.
Son is not sober. He went through rehab and spent 18 months in an Oxford house, but decided to go back out. He is getting a little worse... and missing out on several opportunities. But he is open about his using, somewhat. And I leave him alone. He loves me, respects my opinion and I love him the same way. Without Alanon, I don't think I could say that.
Anyway - that's all about me. Sober Recovery (SR) has given me lots of places to read and "talk" about addiction - when none of my "earth friends" could ever get it.
I hope you read the stickies (posts at the top of the forum) and stick around. This is a great place.
Welcome!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
It's much harder when we see them every day. Every now and then my son would move to another state and that was easier because I didn't know every detail. Relapses are the hardest time for me. It's like the body snatcher comes and takes my son away instantly. I go through a time of grief. My son is completely different when he is not drinking and using. I hope he makes it this time around. I really miss him when he is goes back out.
I borrow strength from others and learn new ways to cope and put boundaries in place to protect myself and pray a lot. I use the boundaries I'm comfortable with most of the time. Sometimes I have to stretch outside my comfort zone. All boundaries used to be outside my comfort zone though so I've made progress.
I never learned out to detach in the middle of crisis, but I'm pretty good at selective denial in the middle of crisis. I try to stay in "today" only.
Hugs,
MG
I borrow strength from others and learn new ways to cope and put boundaries in place to protect myself and pray a lot. I use the boundaries I'm comfortable with most of the time. Sometimes I have to stretch outside my comfort zone. All boundaries used to be outside my comfort zone though so I've made progress.
I never learned out to detach in the middle of crisis, but I'm pretty good at selective denial in the middle of crisis. I try to stay in "today" only.
Hugs,
MG
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
another Mom here.
Our daughter is 30, has been thru in patient treatment, out patient, half-way houses, hospitalized for mental treatment, professional counseling, free counseling, on and on and on.
As of today she is still using, in jail with 8 pending felonies and her 3 children are in 3 different homes.
Parent hugs to you, as we walk this road of still loving them, but also loving ourselves enough to take care of ourselves too.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Our daughter is 30, has been thru in patient treatment, out patient, half-way houses, hospitalized for mental treatment, professional counseling, free counseling, on and on and on.
As of today she is still using, in jail with 8 pending felonies and her 3 children are in 3 different homes.
Parent hugs to you, as we walk this road of still loving them, but also loving ourselves enough to take care of ourselves too.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Oh my. Your post really hit home with me J. Thank you! I use to be terrified that my son would get caught drinking and driving and go to jail. I thought "How can I survive that?"
Well. It happened last year.
It's amazing what we can survive. It actually was a blessing (the "blue light special").
Thank you for your support and warmth and gentle hugs to you from one mother to another.
Well. It happened last year.
It's amazing what we can survive. It actually was a blessing (the "blue light special").
Thank you for your support and warmth and gentle hugs to you from one mother to another.
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