am i losing my mind?
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington st.
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am i losing my mind?
I can't help but look into his eyes, to see. I thought i let it go, but i guess it is still attached to me. I Was so depressed the other day. We went to vist his family and every time i turned around he was gone. I am ashamed at our secret. None of his family know. I thought maybe i should talk to his brother, whom he is close to to see if he could help. But i thought it would be wrong. So i kept my mouth shut. I feel so shut out from the world. not knowing really how to act or what to say. I am so tired of this game. I feel like I am losing my mind. it feels so wrong to say I love you to someone, that you feel like you dont really love anymore. I am beging to lose faith. I pray to god to help him. I have been praying for years. but to no avail. he just keeps using and i am to afraid to let go. why can't i let go ? why can't i just say" thats enuf, i can't do this anymore, i am leaving" I have no reason to stay. but i continue to and i feel if something doesn't change soon, i really am going to lose it.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Originally Posted by hundow08 
I can't help but look into his eyes, to see. I thought i let it go, but i guess it is still attached to me. I Was so depressed the other day. We went to vist his family and every time i turned around he was gone. I am ashamed at our secret. None of his family know. I thought maybe i should talk to his brother, whom he is close to to see if he could help. But i thought it would be wrong. So i kept my mouth shut. I feel so shut out from the world. not knowing really how to act or what to say. I am so tired of this game. I feel like I am losing my mind. it feels so wrong to say I love you to someone, that you feel like you dont really love anymore. I am beging to lose faith. I pray to god to help him. I have been praying for years. but to no avail. he just keeps using and i am to afraid to let go. why can't i let go ? why can't i just say" thats enuf, i can't do this anymore, i am leaving" I have no reason to stay. but i continue to and i feel if something doesn't change soon, i really am going to lose it.
Why can't you let go? Why do you stay? You say you don't love him and you also have no reason to stay... yet you stay?? I am new here, but I can answer those questions as if I were asking myself them...
First off I'm a serial drug addict attractor ...
1st one... I stayed because I felt it was the right thing to do.
2nd one... I stayed because I didn't believe it was really happening again... just had to test it ... challenge it.. see if what I was thinking all along was the truth... another drug addict? noway! YESWAY... he was addicted to meth.
3rd one... ah ha! mixed in part honesty about it... I thought *like him... he could just be one of those recreational users... ya know.. the ones who can control it! And then after about the 3rd time of seeing it I freaked out.. and put my foot down *ha! like that one really works!... nope.. he just kept doing it... but behind my back. SO... why am I still with him... why don't i just go.... first off... I have tried.. but I can't... or I should say I won't.
WHY... do I stay... ??? Am I a glutton for punishment? Some could think yes! but no... really the truth of it all is...
I want to escape into his life and concern myself with his trials and tribulations so... I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT MY LIFE!
That is what I think at least... of course everyone is different.
Last edited by Abundance; 12-11-2007 at 07:16 PM.
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