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Well I went to AA

Old 12-11-2007, 11:02 AM
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Well I went to AA

Hi everyone

Some of you may have read my first post here last Thursday where I admitted for the first time I had a problem with drink. I decided to try & stop and have managed this with one slip-up on Sunday evening when I had a bottle of wine with my girlfriend.

Anyway, I went to a local AA meeting last night. There were only 5 people there and I was told that this was unusual and not to judge AA on that one meeting. Everyone was kind and showed great appreciation that I had attended. I found the readings & stuff a bit formal & stuffy but apart from that it was a help. I am also an atheist and we did discuss this and I am open to see how AA can help despite my complete inability to believe in something unreal.

I listened to some of the guy's stories and some of it I could relate to myself. I havent had such a bad time through drinking as a lot of people it seems but I sure recognised my drinking patterns in some of what was said. Like, for example, going to work with a hangover, swearing I would not drink anymore, by 2pm thinking 'Oh I might have a drink later' and by 5pm thinking 'Yeah, f*ck it why not'. And the cycle repeats.

I did talk for a short time about myself. I felt comfortable doing that. I did not label myself an alcoholic - I don't think I am quite ready to do that, although I am pretty sure I am one. Which is unbelievably hard to come to terms with.

I will definitely go to AA again. Soon.

After the meeting I told my girlfriend I had been and she was gobsmacked. She doesnt think I need AA. She admits I drink more than I should, and so does she, but thinks we should just 'cut down' or 'break the daily habit' we end up in but still allow ourselves to drink sometimes. We are both intelligent, middle class, highly professional people (she is a lawyer). We both have children. Our lives are what most people would describe as pretty 'together'. But where will it end up? I wish I could just 'cut down'. And this is where I am right now...

Part of me thinks I wont be able to. But part of me thinks that now I have admitted the problem, and realised that the cycle I was in must not be allowed to continue, then perhaps I can still drink at some points knowing it cannot be allowed to start the evening drinking pattern again.

I know that so many of us here have tried and tried to cut down but cannot. I feel that if I attend AA to keep sober 'most of the time' and allow myself to drink 'on occasion' that I would be letting AA and everyone there down. But, it does terrify me that I can never drink again. Is this sort of feeling normal?

Thanks for listening everyone. Keep safe.
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:19 AM
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Hi- I'm not sure what "gobsmacked" means, but I can guess! :-) Sounds like you are on the right track and your girlfriend doesn't want to admit her own problems. Plus, if you quit drinking she'll lose her drinking buddy. Does she want what's best for you?

Please take care of yourself first. The people who truly love you will support your efforts.

Best of luck to you, and keep coming back here. It really helps.
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:49 AM
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Yes, it is normal to be terrified of not drinking again. I had so much trouble getting started because I just couldn't imagine getting through an evening without alcohol. The thing is, if we could drink on occasion or stop when we wanted, we wouldn't be here. Alcoholics cannot control their drinking. When I tried to control my drinking, it was all I thought about - when could I next drink, how much, etc. It was really a relief to just stop.

I don't think it's important whether or not you label yourself as an alcoholic. I do accept that label for myself, but it does not define me. I am far more than that and being an addict is just a part of who I am.

I think it's good that you're taking care of yourself and going to AA or doing whatever works for you to stay sober.
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Old 12-11-2007, 12:35 PM
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When I was new, i most definately had both a fear of not drinking ever again, and a fear of continued drinking.

We get a chance to examine our fears in step 4, thankfully for me.

Welcome to SR.



Oh, and i echo the sentiment, true for me as well... Alcoholism has turned out to be a life sentance, rather then a death sentance...
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Old 12-11-2007, 01:12 PM
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Hey FastSteve, gratz on your first AA meeting. I went to my first AA meeting as well last friday. It was a positive experience for me as well. I too found some of the stories of the fellow members a lot worse off than my own, but one thing I could do is take one or two details from their life's story and found it related to my own.

I too am a middle class person, with a wife and 2 kids, nice house, truck, dogs...white picket fence LOL...but one thing I saw is that alcoholism doesn't care, you could be from the upper crust of society right down to skid row, alcohol is a sneaky ******* and doesn't discriminate LOL...

I personally do label myself an alcoholic because I was drinking almost everyday and getting blitzed with blackout drunks on the weekend (days off for me as I'm a shift worker) and I drank like that for almost 20 years. Like you everything in my life seemed still under control (except my drinking) and it came to the point where I could see it spiraling out of control in a few years if I wasn't honest with myself and admit I'm an alcoholic who can't control his drinking. Sure I can control it for a few weeks or months but it always leads back down the road to daily drinking with days off blackout drinking...and the associated shame, guilt and humiliation with whatever I did and can't remember...

Anyway again congratulations on your first AA meeting, I hope you keep going back I know I plan too.

Last edited by RDKA; 12-11-2007 at 01:13 PM. Reason: add more content
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Old 12-11-2007, 01:38 PM
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HOPE YOU FIND WHAT YOU NEED AT THE AA MEETNG, AND YOU KEEP LETTING THE PEOPLE HERE KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THEM! All the things you have mentioned are normal thoughts walking into a meeting for the first time.
Unfortunatly no one has explained what alcoholism is to you so no wonder you have a hard time admitting you are one- There are millions of people who are alcoholics that are wealthy, on the right track, etc...just becouse the people in the meeting have have experences that you have not does not mean that you are any less an alcoholic (if you are)
- It is normal for family to respond rather shocked at this news, but if you think that you can control AND enjoy your drinking cool! Dont worry what the people in AA think, if you find out that you can not control your drinking we are always here for you.
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Old 12-11-2007, 02:03 PM
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Congratulations for exploring your options!

Keep in focus and continue to move forward
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:02 PM
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It's good to see you taking steps to find recovery, Steve. I'm very glad that you are here and hope that you continue to post.
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