AH went to the hospital last night
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,545
AH went to the hospital last night
He went to the hospital, but it's sort of a waste, isn't it, if he won't follow a doctor's advice. What makes it more difficult is that we have only catastrophic care coverage, so the first few thousand are out of pocket.
AH had a TIA, a precursor to a stroke. I heard him lie to the doctors, saying he drank 6-8 beers a night. And he doesn't have withdrawal symptoms. I did correct the info on that, telling the doctor AH's hands shake until he's able to drink again. Years ago, he complained that he didn't make enough to drink two six-packs every night! So I suspect he's up to twelve or so an evening, now.
He complains about money constantly, but the beer budget never changes. Meanwhile, he complains about oil bills, gasoline, Christmas presents, (and we draw names, not like we have to come up with something for everyone in the family.) He lost one job because of drinking, but our families don't know that. The company was downsizing, but one person they wanted to keep was AH. But it's hard to cut much slack to someone who comes in hungover at 9 am, and leaves work at 3 pm because he can't stand to stay sober any longer.
The first thing he did when we got out of the hospital is smoke a couple cigarettes.
He's saying now he wants the new drug to help him quit smoking...has suggested I get him the first month's worth for Christmas, because it's quite expensive ($120 a month). I have my doubts about this, because 1. if he was interested in quitting, he'd buy it himself, 2. Some day when he's drunk, he'll complain to me that I got something I thought he should have, rather than something he really wanted. And 3. He's not going to get me anything, I'm sure, because he won't have any money. (This has happened several years over our relationship...We've delayed buying gifts for each other until after Christmas, only to have AH say he's short right now, six months in a row.)
The altruistic part of me says get him what he's asking for, expect nothing in return, suck it up when he complains. The rest of me is saying something quite different: get him something modest, but fun, take care of myself, because no present will be forecoming from his end. And all of me is saying, by golly, he could die! What would I do without him?
AH had a TIA, a precursor to a stroke. I heard him lie to the doctors, saying he drank 6-8 beers a night. And he doesn't have withdrawal symptoms. I did correct the info on that, telling the doctor AH's hands shake until he's able to drink again. Years ago, he complained that he didn't make enough to drink two six-packs every night! So I suspect he's up to twelve or so an evening, now.
He complains about money constantly, but the beer budget never changes. Meanwhile, he complains about oil bills, gasoline, Christmas presents, (and we draw names, not like we have to come up with something for everyone in the family.) He lost one job because of drinking, but our families don't know that. The company was downsizing, but one person they wanted to keep was AH. But it's hard to cut much slack to someone who comes in hungover at 9 am, and leaves work at 3 pm because he can't stand to stay sober any longer.
The first thing he did when we got out of the hospital is smoke a couple cigarettes.
He's saying now he wants the new drug to help him quit smoking...has suggested I get him the first month's worth for Christmas, because it's quite expensive ($120 a month). I have my doubts about this, because 1. if he was interested in quitting, he'd buy it himself, 2. Some day when he's drunk, he'll complain to me that I got something I thought he should have, rather than something he really wanted. And 3. He's not going to get me anything, I'm sure, because he won't have any money. (This has happened several years over our relationship...We've delayed buying gifts for each other until after Christmas, only to have AH say he's short right now, six months in a row.)
The altruistic part of me says get him what he's asking for, expect nothing in return, suck it up when he complains. The rest of me is saying something quite different: get him something modest, but fun, take care of myself, because no present will be forecoming from his end. And all of me is saying, by golly, he could die! What would I do without him?
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Velma - if it were me, I wouldn't buy him a thing. Why bother??? Let him suffer the consequences of his actions. And yes, he could die (so could we all) and should that happen, you will grieve for him then pick yourself up and manage just fine. Have faith.
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
just some fyi here
just some info for you...if it is chantrix he is talking about....it is an absolute NO NO to a drinker!! even people who drink only socially have had some bad reactions with it. I know,myself...i had to go off of it because it was messing with my brain in a big way.....making mistakes at work,and quick to fly off the handle. I would not recommend it to a heavy drinker.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Cheney, Washington
Posts: 11
I don't exactly know what to tell you here. I would definitely advise you to not do anything that is going to put you in a bind financially. You need to protect yourself more than anything. Also, try not to be too irritated, upset, or consumed by his not so smart actions. He is a grown man and does understand what alcohol and cigarettes are doing to his health. He is making his own decisions. If he wants to quit either of them, more power to him, but what you do or don't do (or get for him) will not make or break him. Don't take that upon yourself. I wish you luck in your decision making and will be praying for you. 
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