Giving it a shot, instead of taking one
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 7
Giving it a shot, instead of taking one
Hello, I am kind of new to sobriety. Ever since I was about 13 or 14 I've been into some form of intoxication. Alcohol always being involved, and other drugs making their way in and out and back into my life through different time periods. I have had my fair share of dui's, drug offenses, out-patient programs, etc. and have come to a realization... every single problem in my life, ever, is alcohol/drug related. I'm sure many of you, if not all of you, have had that same realization.
I have, many times in the past year and a half, tried to self-rehabilitate. I am coming up on my 24th birthday soon and it's difficult for me to find any other people my age with my same situation. The many classes and out-patient programs I have been involved in have led me to the conclusion that I am an alcoholic; I am an addict. I have been conflicted with this conclusion for nearly a year as I have wrestled with the idea of whether I need to try an In-Patient program to really get the help that I need/want. The only thing that ever stopped me was the fact that I never felt that I was ready to give up the lifestyle.
I have a different situation than most. My father is a wealthy business owner and I have every intention of following in his footsteps. I am now, and have been for a few years, actively involved in the business and have made my way to where I stand through the trials and tribulations of a "boss's son". I know that sounds more like b.s. than anything, but if anyone has ever known or experienced themselves what that's like, to work for your father, there are two extremes that you can be in. You either have it easy, or you get all the b.s. work and very little credit from your co-workers. There are no in-betweens when it comes to being the owner's son. I fall under the category of the latter, and regardless of which, it is not important to my story.
My use has always affected my work, and I never really thought it did until recently. I have done a lot of damage to my reputation by getting in trouble with the law, with my boss (not my father), with my co-workers, and I'm ready for all of that to stop.
I have in the past taken 30-day breaks from all use, to clear my head, clear my body, try to "cool off" when my use starts to get heavy. I rarely make it the full 30 days.
Recently I have been arrested for another dui. While another one is still pending. Right now I have two pending duis in the same county, and neither of those two are my first. Once again, it seems as though my use is going to completely destroy my life, which I have barely touched on.
I have had an epiphany in these past few days, that it truly is time for me to get my act together. As I had mentioned, I have been "wrestling" with this problem for a very long time but could never bring myself to follow through with what I know needs to be done.
I need/want to completely eliminate all use from my life. I also currently have a best friend in a similar situation. He is not in as much trouble with the law as I have been/am, but he stands to lose as much as I do if things were to completely get out of hand. He also has the same habits of use as I do. These past two days we have been together the majority of the time and have spent that time going over all of our problems, identifying the possible "why's" as to our drinking habits, and have come to the realization that if we don't stop, we won't stop, at least not until we've either killed somebody, or ourselves.
It is a difficult thing, at my age, to have to admit something like this, and to have to shut myself off from almost all of my friends because of my "condition". But I know that if I don't, then the aforementioned ending will come true.
My friend and I have successfully managed to stay sober for a Friday and Saturday night, to much agony, anxiety, depression, etc. felt by both of us. It was rewarding to wake up and not feel like we'd been hit by a truck, but it was also somewhat depressing to know that we didn't have much fun to recall.
I am going to try to get to the point here. My biggest concern is the weekends. During the week, when I know I have to work in the morning, I can control my inner demon screaming to get out and "let loose", but that's because I would rather go to work clear minded instead of hungover. I do choose one night during the week, as I live in a college town, to go out and have some fun with my friends, but not like I used to, which was every night of the week. But it's the Friday and Saturday nights, where I have nothing to do in the mornings, that are the hardest. I am a night person, a night owl. When that sun goes down, my body/mind wakes up. So it's difficult for me to say that I'll just go to bed early and get up early and do something in the morning. My friend is the same way. So at least I have company this time in my decision to become sober.
We are both just kind of looking for suggestions for what activities to do in place of drinking during a friday and saturday night, late night. This weekend we "managed", but I do not wish to spend my remaining weekends just like this one. Neither of us have steady girlfriends. Many of our suggestions... well rather, we've spoken to our parents and to some of our older friends who do not drink as much as we do, if at all. They always say "I have a good time. I have my wife/husband and my kids and ______ (continue from here)" but we do not have anything like that. We are still single, we are used to going out to the bars or clubs, getting drunk, meeting women, and having meaningless short-term relationships. I am ready to be done with this. As is he. But again, we are completely clueless on what to substitute our routine with. There isn't anything open at midnight on a friday or saturday night other than a bar. We both are not capable, at least not at this point, to go to a bar and not drink. I have always failed when I have attempted this in the past. So, that's not an option. And "just go to bed" is terribly depressing.
I know it sounds somewhat "vulgar" or however you would like to put it, but, please understand where we're coming from, we are young. We both are interested in meeting a girl worth keeping, that is the a major part of why we go out, the other part is purely to get smashed. not tipsy, but completely obliterated until we are completely blacked out and won't remember much the next day. but we aren't likely going to meet a girl that we "want" at a bar, hence the short-term meaningless relationships we have been using to pacify the need for something real.
Does anyone out there understand where I'm coming from?
Does anyone have any alternative suggestions?
So far, what we've come up with as a solution(s), is to begin to volunteer our spare, non-hungover time at various charity type activities. Also to try to become "morning people", so that we can wake up early in the morning, spend a satisfyingly productive day doing "whatever" and being able to fall asleep earlier. Our only problem is the "whatever", most of our activities we've ever done have included drinking, and until we're able to control our drinking all together, I do not feel that it is wise, nor enjoyable, to partake in any of these activities, such as golfing or boating and whatnot (which, also, it being winter time it is obvious that these activities are unavailable to us anyway.)
so, again, I'm just sending out a help signal for anyone out there who can understand what I'm asking, saying, going through, and that can offer any amount of advice or assistance. I am new to this and am having a little trouble saying goodbye to the old me and trying to create a new one. Thank you for anyone who took the time to read all of this and those who reply.
T
I have, many times in the past year and a half, tried to self-rehabilitate. I am coming up on my 24th birthday soon and it's difficult for me to find any other people my age with my same situation. The many classes and out-patient programs I have been involved in have led me to the conclusion that I am an alcoholic; I am an addict. I have been conflicted with this conclusion for nearly a year as I have wrestled with the idea of whether I need to try an In-Patient program to really get the help that I need/want. The only thing that ever stopped me was the fact that I never felt that I was ready to give up the lifestyle.
I have a different situation than most. My father is a wealthy business owner and I have every intention of following in his footsteps. I am now, and have been for a few years, actively involved in the business and have made my way to where I stand through the trials and tribulations of a "boss's son". I know that sounds more like b.s. than anything, but if anyone has ever known or experienced themselves what that's like, to work for your father, there are two extremes that you can be in. You either have it easy, or you get all the b.s. work and very little credit from your co-workers. There are no in-betweens when it comes to being the owner's son. I fall under the category of the latter, and regardless of which, it is not important to my story.
My use has always affected my work, and I never really thought it did until recently. I have done a lot of damage to my reputation by getting in trouble with the law, with my boss (not my father), with my co-workers, and I'm ready for all of that to stop.
I have in the past taken 30-day breaks from all use, to clear my head, clear my body, try to "cool off" when my use starts to get heavy. I rarely make it the full 30 days.
Recently I have been arrested for another dui. While another one is still pending. Right now I have two pending duis in the same county, and neither of those two are my first. Once again, it seems as though my use is going to completely destroy my life, which I have barely touched on.
I have had an epiphany in these past few days, that it truly is time for me to get my act together. As I had mentioned, I have been "wrestling" with this problem for a very long time but could never bring myself to follow through with what I know needs to be done.
I need/want to completely eliminate all use from my life. I also currently have a best friend in a similar situation. He is not in as much trouble with the law as I have been/am, but he stands to lose as much as I do if things were to completely get out of hand. He also has the same habits of use as I do. These past two days we have been together the majority of the time and have spent that time going over all of our problems, identifying the possible "why's" as to our drinking habits, and have come to the realization that if we don't stop, we won't stop, at least not until we've either killed somebody, or ourselves.
It is a difficult thing, at my age, to have to admit something like this, and to have to shut myself off from almost all of my friends because of my "condition". But I know that if I don't, then the aforementioned ending will come true.
My friend and I have successfully managed to stay sober for a Friday and Saturday night, to much agony, anxiety, depression, etc. felt by both of us. It was rewarding to wake up and not feel like we'd been hit by a truck, but it was also somewhat depressing to know that we didn't have much fun to recall.
I am going to try to get to the point here. My biggest concern is the weekends. During the week, when I know I have to work in the morning, I can control my inner demon screaming to get out and "let loose", but that's because I would rather go to work clear minded instead of hungover. I do choose one night during the week, as I live in a college town, to go out and have some fun with my friends, but not like I used to, which was every night of the week. But it's the Friday and Saturday nights, where I have nothing to do in the mornings, that are the hardest. I am a night person, a night owl. When that sun goes down, my body/mind wakes up. So it's difficult for me to say that I'll just go to bed early and get up early and do something in the morning. My friend is the same way. So at least I have company this time in my decision to become sober.
We are both just kind of looking for suggestions for what activities to do in place of drinking during a friday and saturday night, late night. This weekend we "managed", but I do not wish to spend my remaining weekends just like this one. Neither of us have steady girlfriends. Many of our suggestions... well rather, we've spoken to our parents and to some of our older friends who do not drink as much as we do, if at all. They always say "I have a good time. I have my wife/husband and my kids and ______ (continue from here)" but we do not have anything like that. We are still single, we are used to going out to the bars or clubs, getting drunk, meeting women, and having meaningless short-term relationships. I am ready to be done with this. As is he. But again, we are completely clueless on what to substitute our routine with. There isn't anything open at midnight on a friday or saturday night other than a bar. We both are not capable, at least not at this point, to go to a bar and not drink. I have always failed when I have attempted this in the past. So, that's not an option. And "just go to bed" is terribly depressing.
I know it sounds somewhat "vulgar" or however you would like to put it, but, please understand where we're coming from, we are young. We both are interested in meeting a girl worth keeping, that is the a major part of why we go out, the other part is purely to get smashed. not tipsy, but completely obliterated until we are completely blacked out and won't remember much the next day. but we aren't likely going to meet a girl that we "want" at a bar, hence the short-term meaningless relationships we have been using to pacify the need for something real.
Does anyone out there understand where I'm coming from?
Does anyone have any alternative suggestions?
So far, what we've come up with as a solution(s), is to begin to volunteer our spare, non-hungover time at various charity type activities. Also to try to become "morning people", so that we can wake up early in the morning, spend a satisfyingly productive day doing "whatever" and being able to fall asleep earlier. Our only problem is the "whatever", most of our activities we've ever done have included drinking, and until we're able to control our drinking all together, I do not feel that it is wise, nor enjoyable, to partake in any of these activities, such as golfing or boating and whatnot (which, also, it being winter time it is obvious that these activities are unavailable to us anyway.)
so, again, I'm just sending out a help signal for anyone out there who can understand what I'm asking, saying, going through, and that can offer any amount of advice or assistance. I am new to this and am having a little trouble saying goodbye to the old me and trying to create a new one. Thank you for anyone who took the time to read all of this and those who reply.
T
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
Hey there. I don't have any advice, as I'm still struggling for sobriety myself, but I wanted to say hi. I'm 22, and I'm trying really hard to get my life back together so that I'll live long enough to HAVE a life.
Welcome to SR. There are a lot of really supportive people here.
Welcome to SR. There are a lot of really supportive people here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 7
Thank you.
I have been reading a couple other posts and replies and it does seem like everyone is more than happy to be helpful and supportive. Which is why I decided to become a member.
What day of sobriety are you on? I am only on my fourth. I have spent many other occasions on longer bouts of sobriety, usually not over 20 days though, but know that this time I am serious about it. I'm struggling but I've decided to take on the struggle. I have decided to challenge myself, to prove to all who know me, including and most importantly myself, that I am capable of beating this.
what's your story?
I have been reading a couple other posts and replies and it does seem like everyone is more than happy to be helpful and supportive. Which is why I decided to become a member.
What day of sobriety are you on? I am only on my fourth. I have spent many other occasions on longer bouts of sobriety, usually not over 20 days though, but know that this time I am serious about it. I'm struggling but I've decided to take on the struggle. I have decided to challenge myself, to prove to all who know me, including and most importantly myself, that I am capable of beating this.
what's your story?
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
I don't have the luxury of getting to keep a count, yet. Trying, though. 
Congrats on your four days! If you can get that, you are totally capable of beating this.
Not much of a story here. Typical Midwestern girl, went off to a good college, found out that the rich kids there could afford Guinness kegs at their parties, went to a few too many parties. Now I'm back in my hometown, working a retail job until I'm well enough to go back to school. My goal is to work for Google someday.
Have you and/or your friend tried going to an AA meeting?
Congrats on your four days! If you can get that, you are totally capable of beating this.Not much of a story here. Typical Midwestern girl, went off to a good college, found out that the rich kids there could afford Guinness kegs at their parties, went to a few too many parties. Now I'm back in my hometown, working a retail job until I'm well enough to go back to school. My goal is to work for Google someday.
Have you and/or your friend tried going to an AA meeting?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 7
thank you justin
to answer your question about the AA meeting, no. I have been in many out-patient treatments, majority were court appointed but I did go to a few of the meetings/classes on my own. The last place I went was an independent owner who held the meetings, recovering alcoholic/heroin addict, so he covered the bases. but he was easier to talk to than at the other places I'd gone. he seemed genuinely interested in helping.
and after my requirments were met, he does not charge for people to come for "after-care" as he puts it, people to continue to come back. so I went back a couple times, but, it didn't help. but that's because i didn't let it.
I have not gone to AA though, I don't have a schedule that seems to meet theirs. At the same time, I don't know if I would take it as seriously as I should. Not because of the addiction factor, but because of what I've seen and heard about AA, from both people who do go, and those that have but no longer do, is that it's almost a kind of cult mentality, kind of brainwashing. And also there is such an emphasis on church and God, while I consider myself a Christian, I don't believe that it should be an emphasis in my recovery. but who knows, maybe that's something that I'm missing.
I'm a whiskey drinker. Jack Daniels and Crown Royal are my choices. I will drink a fifth a night, and then some, any given night. And I often did. probably in a 7 day week I would consume anywhere from 4-6 full fifths of Jack Daniels whiskey. it's costed me a lot of money, and a lot of potential friends just by my behavior when I'm drunk. I've always been the center of attention of our drinking groups, the source of entertainment. I am an animated story teller, and my years of intoxication provide me with more than enough stories to tell, along with just a goofy feel good attitude. however, I believe that this behavior, while attractive at a party or a bar, causes many people to not take me seriously, or to even not consider me as a "regular" person and more of a drunk and/or lowlife. those that know me well know different, but I feel like that behavior causes a lot of others to not even want to get to know me well.
I don't know, I just know that I am in a terrible amount of debt, looking at a horrible future, and all because of my drinking. And instead of fixing it, I just get drunker. And the problems persist. So I feel like now it's time to get over it and try something different. I've been doing the same thing for years and things in my life have not change or gotten better. therefore I am going to try a drastic lifestyle change and see how much the other things in my life change, and if for the better or worse.
perhaps a meeting or many might be in the future for me. I'm just trying it out one step, one day at a time. that's what I've learned is the most effective way to do it. it's far too overwhelming to think past today, to think on to upcoming events and how I'm going to do at those. Instead of I have to fight each craving as they come individually. I'm not strong enough to fight a lifetime of them in one day, just each day as they come.
to answer your question about the AA meeting, no. I have been in many out-patient treatments, majority were court appointed but I did go to a few of the meetings/classes on my own. The last place I went was an independent owner who held the meetings, recovering alcoholic/heroin addict, so he covered the bases. but he was easier to talk to than at the other places I'd gone. he seemed genuinely interested in helping.
and after my requirments were met, he does not charge for people to come for "after-care" as he puts it, people to continue to come back. so I went back a couple times, but, it didn't help. but that's because i didn't let it.
I have not gone to AA though, I don't have a schedule that seems to meet theirs. At the same time, I don't know if I would take it as seriously as I should. Not because of the addiction factor, but because of what I've seen and heard about AA, from both people who do go, and those that have but no longer do, is that it's almost a kind of cult mentality, kind of brainwashing. And also there is such an emphasis on church and God, while I consider myself a Christian, I don't believe that it should be an emphasis in my recovery. but who knows, maybe that's something that I'm missing.
I'm a whiskey drinker. Jack Daniels and Crown Royal are my choices. I will drink a fifth a night, and then some, any given night. And I often did. probably in a 7 day week I would consume anywhere from 4-6 full fifths of Jack Daniels whiskey. it's costed me a lot of money, and a lot of potential friends just by my behavior when I'm drunk. I've always been the center of attention of our drinking groups, the source of entertainment. I am an animated story teller, and my years of intoxication provide me with more than enough stories to tell, along with just a goofy feel good attitude. however, I believe that this behavior, while attractive at a party or a bar, causes many people to not take me seriously, or to even not consider me as a "regular" person and more of a drunk and/or lowlife. those that know me well know different, but I feel like that behavior causes a lot of others to not even want to get to know me well.
I don't know, I just know that I am in a terrible amount of debt, looking at a horrible future, and all because of my drinking. And instead of fixing it, I just get drunker. And the problems persist. So I feel like now it's time to get over it and try something different. I've been doing the same thing for years and things in my life have not change or gotten better. therefore I am going to try a drastic lifestyle change and see how much the other things in my life change, and if for the better or worse.
perhaps a meeting or many might be in the future for me. I'm just trying it out one step, one day at a time. that's what I've learned is the most effective way to do it. it's far too overwhelming to think past today, to think on to upcoming events and how I'm going to do at those. Instead of I have to fight each craving as they come individually. I'm not strong enough to fight a lifetime of them in one day, just each day as they come.
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
hi tb. you sound just like me. i was a whiskey drinker myself... well, whiskey was preferrable, but if it wasn't available i'd drink anything you offered me. in addition, i was a hardcore barfly and party girl, and a pretty despicable human being. bad friend, terrible girlfriend, bad daughter, bad sister, bad aunt... the whole nine. i couldn't keep any money in my pocket or in my bank, i was blessed to not have at least 9 or 10 DUIs or have killed someone else or myself. the saddest part was, i thought that was how EVERYONE partied. i couldn't understand why other people didn't do the same things i did when i drank. no one else busted into friend's houses at 3 am, completely wasted. no one else passed out on lawns. i threw up every morning after i drank. i couldn't figure out what was wrong with me that wasn't wrong with my friends.
turns out i'm an alcoholic. i'm a 23 year old female who loves live music, my dog, and life in general, and i'm also an alcoholic. i have a physical allergy to liquor. when i drink, for whatever reason, my body processes it differently and my mind says "more". i got sober at 21, i'll have 2 years this coming may, god willing. i take my life and my sobriety ONE DAY AT A TIME, which i am so glad you've already figured out. i didn't go to rehab, but i do go to AA. i have a life worth living today because of what i've learned in the rooms of AA. it seemed scary initially, but i saw the similarities between me and these folks. i felt the love that came from the kids i met, and i had friends, REAL friends. people that came to my dad's memorial service to support me, people who let me move into their house for a few months, people who gave me 20 bucks for gas or who bought me coffee when i couldn't afford it. they know, as i know, that i'd do the same for them in a heartbeat. so, i'd say give AA a shot. there are a lot of good folks, our age too, in the rooms. it worked for me, and if i can get sober, anyone can.
blessings on your journey. take it easy and keep that one day at a time in mind.
turns out i'm an alcoholic. i'm a 23 year old female who loves live music, my dog, and life in general, and i'm also an alcoholic. i have a physical allergy to liquor. when i drink, for whatever reason, my body processes it differently and my mind says "more". i got sober at 21, i'll have 2 years this coming may, god willing. i take my life and my sobriety ONE DAY AT A TIME, which i am so glad you've already figured out. i didn't go to rehab, but i do go to AA. i have a life worth living today because of what i've learned in the rooms of AA. it seemed scary initially, but i saw the similarities between me and these folks. i felt the love that came from the kids i met, and i had friends, REAL friends. people that came to my dad's memorial service to support me, people who let me move into their house for a few months, people who gave me 20 bucks for gas or who bought me coffee when i couldn't afford it. they know, as i know, that i'd do the same for them in a heartbeat. so, i'd say give AA a shot. there are a lot of good folks, our age too, in the rooms. it worked for me, and if i can get sober, anyone can.
blessings on your journey. take it easy and keep that one day at a time in mind.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 7
But, aside from everything else, what did you do to replace that free time? That's one of my biggest struggles right now. I just don't know what to do now with my free time. Anyone who reads this doesn't need me to explain what I mean. I'm sure all of our weekends were virtually alike: get off work friday and head out to _____ and get drunk. sleep in saturday morning until _____ and wake up. feel like ****. maybe eat something. maybe do something somewhat productive (shop, play golf/whatever, etc), call _____ and see what they're up to. meet at ____ at ___ o'clock and get drunk. sleep in sunday until ______. wake up feeling like ****. etc etc etc...
So, now I don't know what to do in between. I don't know what to do when i wake up feeling good saturday in the *morning* and I have nothing to do. I might do that "productive" thing, but then what? there are only so many movies at the theater I can see. There are only so many restaurants I can eat at (that don't have more of a bar scene than lunch crowd), I mean, what is it that you have been able to replace those gaps with?
My main problem is that I am a night owl. sober or not, since I was a child, I come alive at night. This town/area has nothing to offer somebody like me that wouldn't include drinking. I am not at the strength level yet that I can go spend time with my friends, at a bar or club, and just drink iced tea. I can't, not without being miserable the entire time. This is my biggest concern. Monday through Thursday, no problem. I work during the week and I enjoy my newly enjoyable "quiet time" during the week, waking up feeling good for work, being more productive. but, I also kill 10-12 hours of my day in that process. so there is very little time to "kill" in the meantime. I've taken up reading again and that helps spend a bit of time and helps me to fall asleep easier at night. BUT, come friday and saturday night, I just don't know what to do with myself. I am trying to come up with some daytime activities, things that I can wake up early and do, and then when 10 or 11pm rolls around, I'm ready for bed instead of just "waking up" with a burst of energy. but in the winter, it's hard to do.
I'm asking for suggestions, help.
So, now I don't know what to do in between. I don't know what to do when i wake up feeling good saturday in the *morning* and I have nothing to do. I might do that "productive" thing, but then what? there are only so many movies at the theater I can see. There are only so many restaurants I can eat at (that don't have more of a bar scene than lunch crowd), I mean, what is it that you have been able to replace those gaps with?
My main problem is that I am a night owl. sober or not, since I was a child, I come alive at night. This town/area has nothing to offer somebody like me that wouldn't include drinking. I am not at the strength level yet that I can go spend time with my friends, at a bar or club, and just drink iced tea. I can't, not without being miserable the entire time. This is my biggest concern. Monday through Thursday, no problem. I work during the week and I enjoy my newly enjoyable "quiet time" during the week, waking up feeling good for work, being more productive. but, I also kill 10-12 hours of my day in that process. so there is very little time to "kill" in the meantime. I've taken up reading again and that helps spend a bit of time and helps me to fall asleep easier at night. BUT, come friday and saturday night, I just don't know what to do with myself. I am trying to come up with some daytime activities, things that I can wake up early and do, and then when 10 or 11pm rolls around, I'm ready for bed instead of just "waking up" with a burst of energy. but in the winter, it's hard to do.
I'm asking for suggestions, help.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Hi and welcome!
You are not gonna wanna hear this, but this is my ESH. Go to meetings on Friday and Saturday nights. You'll meet folks, and develop a circle of sober friends that you can then do things with!
What do you have to lose?
Good luck,
Karen
You are not gonna wanna hear this, but this is my ESH. Go to meetings on Friday and Saturday nights. You'll meet folks, and develop a circle of sober friends that you can then do things with!
What do you have to lose?
Good luck,
Karen
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: ireland
Posts: 169
tb02t
im studying for my maths GCSE (i failed that when i was younger) and have avoided doing it for years....but to help the kids along with their homework i bit the bullet (i hate maths) lol
ive been to some support meetings, and last night went to my second AA meeting
im lucky as ive five kids running around here, and can easily fill my time.
hows about doing something voluntary? even for a few hours
im studying for my maths GCSE (i failed that when i was younger) and have avoided doing it for years....but to help the kids along with their homework i bit the bullet (i hate maths) lol
ive been to some support meetings, and last night went to my second AA meeting
im lucky as ive five kids running around here, and can easily fill my time.
hows about doing something voluntary? even for a few hours
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome!Here is a list we compiled
a few years ago from our members
Things To Do Instead of Drinking
1. Read a book
2. Take a walk
3. Play a musical instrument
4. Knit
5. Clean your closets
6. Research your genealogy
7. Cook a gourmet dinner
8. Write an article for your local newspaper
9. Go take some pictures
10. Clean the mildew in your bathroom
11. Start writing that book you've been planning
12. Plan a garden
13. Plant a garden
14. Play with a pet
15. Read to a child
16. Visit someone in an old folks' home
17. Watch a news special on TV
18. Set up a family budget
19. Make a web site
20. Take up archery
21. Exercise
22. Go to an online recovery meeting
23. Surf the internet
24. Call your mom
25. Learn a foreign language
26. Write a poem
27. Play golf
28. Take a bubble bath
29. Draw
30. Teach a parakeet to whistle
31. Take a nap
32. Listen to music
33. Paint
34. Clean your desk
35. Start a stamp collection
36. Go window shopping
37. Browse in a book store
38. Go to an art gallery
39. Go for a drive
40. Paint a room
41. Watch the clouds go by
42. Play darts
43. Do target shooting
44. Do home repairs
45. Clean your garage
46. Sort your photographs
47. Make a scrapbook
48. Climb a tree
49. Plant a tree
50. Make marmalade
51. Make a list of things to do
52. Write a letter to the editor
53. Volunteer somewhere
54. Take a hike
55. Take a college class
56. Try yoga
57. Meditate
58. Get a massage
59. Make fruit smoothies
60. Bake cookies
61. Do a crossword puzzle
62. Go to the gym
63. Plant a color bowl
64. Sharpen your pruning tools
65. Change your engine oil
66. Sew
67. Groom your dog
68. Go see a play
69. Write a sonnet
70. Sort your recipes
71. Play solitaire
72. Go bird watching
73. Write a letter to a friend
74. Read a poetry book
75. Repot your houseplants
76. Go to a movie
77. Mow your lawn
78. Put up (or take down) your Christmas lights
79. Make pickles
80. Go jogging
81. Watch sitcoms
82. Plan menus for a diet
83. Do a jigsaw puzzle
84. Play chess
85. Write a country-western song
86. Watch a video
87. Go for a bike ride
88. Plant an herb garden
89. Start an online journal
90. Dye your hair
91. Go to a restaurant
92. Lift weights
93. Bake some bread
94. Learn a martial art
95. Polish the furniture
96. Make a flower arrangement
97. Read the newspaper
98. Start some seeds
99. Sort your magazines
100. Do some laundry.
111. Take a nature walk
112. Play with your kids
113. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
114. Volunteer at a school
115. Pick up garbage in a park
116. Tickle your kids
117. Play basketball
118. Volunteer at an animal shelter
119. Read to a child or pet
120. Sign up for obedience training with your dog
121. Take a walk and pick up litter you see on the way
122. Spend time at the library
123. Sort all your digital photos and make an album to print for holiday gifts to family.
124. Help your kid organize his closet.
125. Figure out the melody and chords to your current favorite tune on the piano.
126. Practice your holiday cookie recipes
127. Make crackers from scratch (that one didn't go so well).
128. Make tortillas from scratch (better).
129. Reread a book you haven't read for years.
130. Tango
131. Learn about someone else’s religion.
132. Reread one of your college textbooks.
133. Key out a wildflower.
134. Do your nails.
135. Do word puzzles.
136. Play a board game.
137. Burn CD’s of some of your favorite music for a friend.
138. Plant a bonsai.
139. Play Mad Libs.
140. Speak only in heroic couplets for an hour.
141. Read poetry online.
142. Ride a stationary bicycle.
143. Set up a domino topple.
144. Play backgammon.
145. Build a house of cards
146. Make an entry in Wikipedia.
147. Read a world almanac.
148. Publish a family newsletter.
149. Throw cards at a hat.
150. Go to bed.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: michigan
Posts: 109
Hi, first time posting here, I am trying (again!) to stop drinking. Your post was really inspiring, I am older than you, (38) but also started VERY young, at 14, and only quit for some shorter periods of time (pregnancies, etc.) Somehow I have managed to keep my job, a house, etc, but I know that I have to stop this madness. It's so frustrating though, I actually beging feeling pretty rotten a week or so after I quit. I'm so tired, eating all the time, etc., and then if I drink again, I feel better! It seems crazy to me. Have you experienced anything like that?
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
tb,
here's a play-by-play of my typical friday:
-get up, go to work
-off work, take the dog out, eat dinner
-go to my home group at 8 am, meet kids there, make plans
-concert, movie, diner, etc. until ?
typical saturday:
-sleep in, wake up happy, not hungover
-call kids from the rooms, see what's crackalackin
-play tennis, visit my family, hang out with friends, take the dog out, etc.
-make dinner, relax, hit the 10 p.m. meeting
-visit with kids, go home or go out to eat, movie, bowling, whatever.
typical sunday:
-sleep in again, glorious! wake up sad that i have to work tomorrow, but sober.
-chill out, maybe call my mom, walk my dog, hang out with friends, maybe more tennis
-coffee with friends, dinner, maybe meet with my sponsee
-watch a movie at home, go to bed
sound dull? it's not. the only thing i didn't write on those days is that i pray, every morning and evening, and right now i'm working the weekends. but, on a typical weekend, that's me. in the summer i go to the beach, some weekends i go with friends out of town or i baby sit my nieces, or anything. i can do ANYTHING sober. i go to shows, plays, movies, i eat out with my friends, i drink way too much coffee, and i have a great time. sober. with sober friends. i met them in AA, and they know me, and i know them and we have a common bond-we're trying to recover. and we tell our "war stories", but there's love... just mad unconditional love for each other 'cause we're all in this together.
it's pretty amazing. check it out.
here's a play-by-play of my typical friday:
-get up, go to work
-off work, take the dog out, eat dinner
-go to my home group at 8 am, meet kids there, make plans
-concert, movie, diner, etc. until ?
typical saturday:
-sleep in, wake up happy, not hungover
-call kids from the rooms, see what's crackalackin
-play tennis, visit my family, hang out with friends, take the dog out, etc.
-make dinner, relax, hit the 10 p.m. meeting
-visit with kids, go home or go out to eat, movie, bowling, whatever.
typical sunday:
-sleep in again, glorious! wake up sad that i have to work tomorrow, but sober.
-chill out, maybe call my mom, walk my dog, hang out with friends, maybe more tennis
-coffee with friends, dinner, maybe meet with my sponsee
-watch a movie at home, go to bed
sound dull? it's not. the only thing i didn't write on those days is that i pray, every morning and evening, and right now i'm working the weekends. but, on a typical weekend, that's me. in the summer i go to the beach, some weekends i go with friends out of town or i baby sit my nieces, or anything. i can do ANYTHING sober. i go to shows, plays, movies, i eat out with my friends, i drink way too much coffee, and i have a great time. sober. with sober friends. i met them in AA, and they know me, and i know them and we have a common bond-we're trying to recover. and we tell our "war stories", but there's love... just mad unconditional love for each other 'cause we're all in this together.
it's pretty amazing. check it out.
"Grateful to be Sober."
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 90
Hi tb,
Im 20 years old and have been finding it hard to stay sober. I've been trying to get sober since sept. As i family in A.A i knew that that seemed the way to do it (my mums been sober 20 yrs and still goes, my dad nearly 40 yrs and still goes) so i've had a good example of it i guess.
Anway while in A.A. i was coming up to two months sobriety and then slipped. I just wasnt ready to accept my alcohlism- as clear as it was. I was too young, life was too bland without booze, i wanted to be 'normal' blah blah blah. Anway needless to say my drinking was a disaster. I humiliated myself - i live in student halls in my first yr of uni- so all of my flat mates witnessed the throwing up- bizzare behaviour in a blackout, passing out etc etc.
I've now been sober 18 days and know now that i cant drink - i feel like u at times on fri and sat essepcially- i just wanna join my uni mates and go out etc. However i know that i cant for now. Therefor i go to mtngs fri and sat now. I really do recomend A.A. Apart from everything else if u wanna keep busy - you can there! You should check the mtngs out for area. Over here we have a late night frid and sat mtngs. Therfor we can be sure our time is filled late into the night (10.30 - 12 am) - and i often go to a mtng before that too.
I know it's sounds a little full on but i love my late night mtngs- i love the poeple in A.A . Its bloody hard staying stopped- no one lies it'll be easy- but i have faith it'll be worth it. Im sure you've gone through enough pain with your drinking, i have, and now we' both have a chance to sort it out, get a life - a proper one, and get happy. I hope i can do this, i want it more than anything, and i hope you get this too
Im 20 years old and have been finding it hard to stay sober. I've been trying to get sober since sept. As i family in A.A i knew that that seemed the way to do it (my mums been sober 20 yrs and still goes, my dad nearly 40 yrs and still goes) so i've had a good example of it i guess.
Anway while in A.A. i was coming up to two months sobriety and then slipped. I just wasnt ready to accept my alcohlism- as clear as it was. I was too young, life was too bland without booze, i wanted to be 'normal' blah blah blah. Anway needless to say my drinking was a disaster. I humiliated myself - i live in student halls in my first yr of uni- so all of my flat mates witnessed the throwing up- bizzare behaviour in a blackout, passing out etc etc.
I've now been sober 18 days and know now that i cant drink - i feel like u at times on fri and sat essepcially- i just wanna join my uni mates and go out etc. However i know that i cant for now. Therefor i go to mtngs fri and sat now. I really do recomend A.A. Apart from everything else if u wanna keep busy - you can there! You should check the mtngs out for area. Over here we have a late night frid and sat mtngs. Therfor we can be sure our time is filled late into the night (10.30 - 12 am) - and i often go to a mtng before that too.
I know it's sounds a little full on but i love my late night mtngs- i love the poeple in A.A . Its bloody hard staying stopped- no one lies it'll be easy- but i have faith it'll be worth it. Im sure you've gone through enough pain with your drinking, i have, and now we' both have a chance to sort it out, get a life - a proper one, and get happy. I hope i can do this, i want it more than anything, and i hope you get this too
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 7
Thank you all very much. These are very helpful. I guess my main thing is just going to be, first and foremost, to dissassociate every activity with drinking. Any of those activities that have been listed I did/do, only I always included drinking. I used to smoke weed a lot, all day every day. If I was going somewhere to do something, important or not, I had to make sure that I was high and if I was going to be there a while (i.e. bday party at a relative's house, school, a couple days at my moms/out of town, etc), I needed to bring a little bag of weed with me, or roll a joint or two in order to ensure I would be able to stay high. I still drank, but not every day. When I quit smoking weed, for many reasons (less ambition, dull mind, job), my drinking increased. Over the past 6 years I've gone back and forth, a few months at a time, until two years ago completely quitting weed (except maybe once in a few months special occasion thing) and my drinking just went through the roof. Now I quit drinking again, and all I really want to do is smoke weed. I had a bad coke problem too for a while, but it was only when I drank. but, it got to where I couldn't avoid it, as soon as I had my first drink I started calling my coke buddies. anyway, I got all that under control. but, the problem is, like when I quit smoking weed, I had to dissassociate every single thing I did with smoking weed. I just didn't feel like doing anything because it didn't seem fun unless I was high. And now it's similar with alcohol. I played tennis for a while over the spring and summer, with a buddy of mine, but we always drank a few beers while playing and would eventually just quit whenever we were half buzzed and it was time to go out and start drinking "seriously". Obviously we weren't very hardcore about our tennis games. But the same with golf. the same with any other activity. Hell, even if I was going shopping, be it for me or friend/family b-day/Christmas/whatever, I would bring a pint of jack and fill up a cup with jack and coke and walk around the mall shopping until I was either finished shopping or half-drunk and ready to do something else.
The difference in this is the fact that when I quit smoking weed I had alcohol to replace it. When I would "quit" or slow down on my drinking, it would be because I started smoking weed again. I could come home from work, smoke a little weed, and be high for long enough to not need to drink. Otherwise it was come home from work, and before I even changed clothes it was right to the cabinet to make a drink. And then drink my drink while I changed, while I showered, whatever. I always have to have something there.
But now, I have nothing to replace my alcohol. And that's I think what's the hardest thing about it. I never got into any trouble when I smoked weed, but I also didn't do a lot. I was pretty lethargic all the time and just wanted to sit around and be high and play video games or guitar. Which isn't necessarily so bad but, I don't want to be glued to the couch either.
I'm just having a lot of trouble finding joy in the activities I like, because I don't even know if I like them or if it was just that everything's fun when you're ****** up.
and yes JCHAM, I am interested in being involved in a relationship. I had a serious relationship a while back and it was one of the best things that happened to me. It curbed my drug use and my drinking. I had something to "do". I had someone to care for other than myself, someone that needed me to be a man for her. someone who I enjoyed being with whether I or we were sober or not. I don't mean for it to sound desperate or anything. I just know that I'm a better person when I'm in a relationship. And I also don't mean for it to sound as though I want one as a matter of necessity, or selfish reasons. I just think that perhaps part of my problem is that I sometimes tend to feel somewhat lonely. And the only way I can connect is to go out and be around people. Except I also have an issue interacting with new people without having a few drinks. It's a bad situations that I've come to depend on drugs and alcohol so much and it's put me in a seemingly endless spiral, more like a circle, because I'm not going anywhere. I'm stale, stagnate, bored, lost, and just plain unhappy. I don't feel as though I have a purpose. My job doesn't reward me the same as it used to. I don't know if it's because I can't get my head above water with my debt and my legal problems, or what the problem is.
hahahah, I hate being sober because I think too much. I guess that's kind of a regular thing when in recovery, especially early on in recovery, that the things I neglected or ignored when I was using, they're still here, they haven't gone away, and now I have to actually deal with them. There's no way out of it. I think that's what's got me most anxious. I'm against a wall now and I'm afraid it's going to take me a very long time to inch slowly away from it.
aaaaaahhhhhhhh, I'm babbling.
It's nice to get some of these things out though. Finally. Kind of like a journal, I can come back at least and reiterate my points to myself, because I'm who made them. ah, anyway. thanks for all the suggestions and help. It's my 6th day now... exactly one week ago tonight was my last night of drinking. I consider tomorrow to be my one week anniversary of my sobriety date.
The difference in this is the fact that when I quit smoking weed I had alcohol to replace it. When I would "quit" or slow down on my drinking, it would be because I started smoking weed again. I could come home from work, smoke a little weed, and be high for long enough to not need to drink. Otherwise it was come home from work, and before I even changed clothes it was right to the cabinet to make a drink. And then drink my drink while I changed, while I showered, whatever. I always have to have something there.
But now, I have nothing to replace my alcohol. And that's I think what's the hardest thing about it. I never got into any trouble when I smoked weed, but I also didn't do a lot. I was pretty lethargic all the time and just wanted to sit around and be high and play video games or guitar. Which isn't necessarily so bad but, I don't want to be glued to the couch either.
I'm just having a lot of trouble finding joy in the activities I like, because I don't even know if I like them or if it was just that everything's fun when you're ****** up.
and yes JCHAM, I am interested in being involved in a relationship. I had a serious relationship a while back and it was one of the best things that happened to me. It curbed my drug use and my drinking. I had something to "do". I had someone to care for other than myself, someone that needed me to be a man for her. someone who I enjoyed being with whether I or we were sober or not. I don't mean for it to sound desperate or anything. I just know that I'm a better person when I'm in a relationship. And I also don't mean for it to sound as though I want one as a matter of necessity, or selfish reasons. I just think that perhaps part of my problem is that I sometimes tend to feel somewhat lonely. And the only way I can connect is to go out and be around people. Except I also have an issue interacting with new people without having a few drinks. It's a bad situations that I've come to depend on drugs and alcohol so much and it's put me in a seemingly endless spiral, more like a circle, because I'm not going anywhere. I'm stale, stagnate, bored, lost, and just plain unhappy. I don't feel as though I have a purpose. My job doesn't reward me the same as it used to. I don't know if it's because I can't get my head above water with my debt and my legal problems, or what the problem is.
hahahah, I hate being sober because I think too much. I guess that's kind of a regular thing when in recovery, especially early on in recovery, that the things I neglected or ignored when I was using, they're still here, they haven't gone away, and now I have to actually deal with them. There's no way out of it. I think that's what's got me most anxious. I'm against a wall now and I'm afraid it's going to take me a very long time to inch slowly away from it.
aaaaaahhhhhhhh, I'm babbling.
It's nice to get some of these things out though. Finally. Kind of like a journal, I can come back at least and reiterate my points to myself, because I'm who made them. ah, anyway. thanks for all the suggestions and help. It's my 6th day now... exactly one week ago tonight was my last night of drinking. I consider tomorrow to be my one week anniversary of my sobriety date.
"Grateful to be Sober."
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 90
6 days is great - keep this up! I know exactly how u eel by the way- i wasnt really interestd in anything but boozing- nothing else 'excited' me - i also wanted a relationship as i thought this would give me something else to focus on. However, my last couple of relationships had revovled around boozing too.
I think it's seeking out ppl who are like u- all my mates were v heavy drinkers, the few that weren't- well needlss to say i didnt bother seeing them much! It selfish- completely selfish. However getting sober helps clear your head etc. I also wil be doing the A.A. 12 steps soon- this is another way of giving you tools to cope with life, feel better - be a better person for others. It takes away selfishness- if its worked properly. I, like u, get bored and think life will be dull etc now i cant go out and booze and 'be mad' - but deep down i know that my drinking was never really all that fun anway and if i keep sticking with sobriety, attending mtngs, meeting new sober ppl life will soon pick up- i'll be able to enjoy it without any sort of chemical to help me along. I hope you keep at it- hav e u tried any mtngs?
I think it's seeking out ppl who are like u- all my mates were v heavy drinkers, the few that weren't- well needlss to say i didnt bother seeing them much! It selfish- completely selfish. However getting sober helps clear your head etc. I also wil be doing the A.A. 12 steps soon- this is another way of giving you tools to cope with life, feel better - be a better person for others. It takes away selfishness- if its worked properly. I, like u, get bored and think life will be dull etc now i cant go out and booze and 'be mad' - but deep down i know that my drinking was never really all that fun anway and if i keep sticking with sobriety, attending mtngs, meeting new sober ppl life will soon pick up- i'll be able to enjoy it without any sort of chemical to help me along. I hope you keep at it- hav e u tried any mtngs?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 7
the only "meetings" i went to were usually court appointed out-patient meetings. Which mostly consisted of other court appointed attendees who were just playing the game to make the judge happy and get on with things. so the support factor from other attendess for someone who is taking the meetings seriously does not exist. They helped in the past, when I would take a "sabbatical from drinking" and just quit temporarily to detox. I had to take these court ordered classes for a long time and many many of them in the past couple years. So, if I wanted to take a hiatus, I would pay attention to the meetings and take them seriously, and they aided my sobriety. But I rarely made it past 3 weeks, ever. I would tell myself to take a 30 day complete detox bout of sobriety and I never made it the full 30. But it helped me to curb my drinking habits momentarily and also once I started back up after a few weeks I would not drink as often, but I would certainly still drink as heavily.
As far as AA, I mentioned my feeling on it in an earlier post, regarding the cult-like mentality. The group leader for the last court appointed meetings I took, which actually helped and I got a hell of a lot out of, swears by them. He's been clean for many many years. He's a recovering alcoholic and heroin addict. He goes at least once a week and says he just goes sometimes just to listen. But, I don't know, he's really the only person that I know of personally that really stands by AA. I don't know what I think just yet. I know it's a great place to meet people in the same situation as I am. But, I live in a fairly small community 20 miles north of a St. Louis, all the surrounding areas including mine have a bar on every block. I live in a college town also, so the majority of people my age are still in school, boozing and partying, which I don't fault or judge them for because their lives allow them to do so, but mine doesn't, and I have doubts about whether meetings are going to put me in contact with people my age with a similar situation. I guess I won't know until I check it out for myself. But if I'm right, it still doesn't solve much of my problem.
As far as AA, I mentioned my feeling on it in an earlier post, regarding the cult-like mentality. The group leader for the last court appointed meetings I took, which actually helped and I got a hell of a lot out of, swears by them. He's been clean for many many years. He's a recovering alcoholic and heroin addict. He goes at least once a week and says he just goes sometimes just to listen. But, I don't know, he's really the only person that I know of personally that really stands by AA. I don't know what I think just yet. I know it's a great place to meet people in the same situation as I am. But, I live in a fairly small community 20 miles north of a St. Louis, all the surrounding areas including mine have a bar on every block. I live in a college town also, so the majority of people my age are still in school, boozing and partying, which I don't fault or judge them for because their lives allow them to do so, but mine doesn't, and I have doubts about whether meetings are going to put me in contact with people my age with a similar situation. I guess I won't know until I check it out for myself. But if I'm right, it still doesn't solve much of my problem.
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