mamaplus2kids

I broke up with him. I told him that I loved him, but that I was choosing my life over his. I said I could only love him from afar, because being too close to him was painful. I told him that I needed more time to figure out who I am and what I want in my life. I told him that his pot smoking and his isolation were things I couldn't accept anymore. I also told him that I didn't like his financial instability. I said that I need someone who would take me out to dinner at least once a month and who would travel with me at least once a year. I would like to be with someone who likes to go to concerts, theatre and other cultural events. I also told him that he needs to make new friends who are healthy. I told him he had to get his life in order... that maybe in 6 months or a year, he might be in shape for a relationship.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when he wouldn't come to my daughter's Christmas concert, because he wanted to spend time alone. Today is Sunday and I was hoping that he would have committed to some "family" time together. But he was so evasive. I saw the disappointment in her face when she asked: "Why won't you come to the church?" I realized that his answer was not valid and reminded me of my soon-to-be ex AH's excuses. Seeing my daughter's sadness and disappointment reminded me of my own disappointments. I realized that I didn't want to live like this in the future.

He came over and picked up the few things he had at my place. He was in tears. It was painful. I am questioning my decision, because he was wonderful in every other way. It will be hard not being with him at Christmas... the kids will miss him.

Ann

Mama, as much as this hurts you now, you deserve all those qualities you yearn for in a relationship and most of all your daughter deserves someone who cares for her enough to go to her Christmas concert.

Sending hugs and prayers that you and your daughter will find the kind of wonderful person you both deserve.

Hugs

guineapigjude

Oh, Mama. Your post brought me to tears. My XAH chose to leave because of the same "demands" I made ... I wanted him to spend some time with me and the with the kids. He wanted to be alone with his pot ...
It is so sad to see it happening to another family. We are asking only a little of what other families consider normal, and they aren't able to do even that. They would rather leave. Don't ever underestimate pot. It destroys lives like any other drug.
Thinking of you and praying for you.

Wascally Wabbit

Im sorry you have to feel sad. Maybe he'll wake up and realize whats really important in this life: Family. Nothing is better or higher or more wonderful than family on this earth.

greeteachday

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but you are doing the right thing...considering where you want to be, the life you want for you and your kids. It is a painful and difficult decision, but better now than with years more of pain and heartache. Hugs

GiveLove

Mama,

I know it is sad -- it is always sad to end a relationship -- but I'm glad you realized that this is not the relationship for you, and could only cause you greater and greater heartache down the line. You seem incompatible. Period. Better now than years from now, staying together out of habit and need.....

It doesn't take away the pain to know you've done the right thing...but it will make it easier as time goes on. Take good care of you and your kids today.

kj21

I am sorry for your pain, but proud of you for your strength. If it is meant to be he will realize what he is giving up and will give up pot for your family. I think 6 months to a year is a good idea. I am doing the same thing right now. My a moved out 5 days ago. It is hard becouse we love each other but it is not right. He asked if he could move back in if he was good, I said to ask me in 1 year! My thoughts are with you! I am asking my ex to come over Christmas eve for dinner with us. He has two kids from previous marraige that I will also ask over. Our kids like to see each other so I figure no harm...??

mamaplus2kids

Your post meant a lot to me. Without you and other's support the last few weeks, I don't know how I would have found the strength to carry it through. I know that I'm facing some lonely times in the near future. The hardest will be when the kids ask where he is... or when we see him drive by.

lightseeker

my heart goes out to you. I well remember the pain of break ups with my RAH. I just wasn't strong enough to make it stick. I know that this time of year is hard to manage a break up but try not to judge those "happy" families and situations that really maybe aren't that happy.

One of my favorite sayings in recovery is short term pain for long term gain. A doctor once told me - it's easier to watch a train wreck than be in one. You are sparing yourself and your children from being exposed to active addiction. I was addicted to my RAH at one time as he was to his crack. I could feel him in each breath that I took - I loved him more than the sun and the moon and the stars. That was not a healthy type of love - it was hard to let go of my own addiction.

Keep posting - we know the type of pain that you are speaking of....I for one, know that you can make it through to the other side.

Peace, Donna