when will it get easier?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: chattanooga, tn
Posts: 2
when will it get easier?
i have over 80 days of not using alcohol under my belt. i have only been to about 5 meetings. i can't seem to get over my damn ego and ask for help from others and admit that i am powerless over alcohol. i can admit it in my head but the thought of admitting it to a bunch of people i don't know just doesn't seem feasible. i don't know what i'm so afraid of...
physically i feel fantastic, mentally my mind is sharper than it has ever been, emotionally i am a wreck. i find myself trapped somewhere between not being able to feel anything for anyone and my emotions being so strong it becomes difficult for me to keep it all together. i want to drink some days to take away the frustration and anger and boredom and sadness. but i won't drink. i don't know how i'm doing it really. i just keep putting one foot in front of the other somehow but it's hard. it is the hardest thing i have ever tried to do in my life and i feel so much pressure, mostly from myself, to succeed, which i'm sure isn't good for me.
when will it get easier? when will i feel like i can breathe again? when will the good days begin to outnumber the frustrating days? i know i'm gonna have to start going to meetings, why am i being such a stubborn ass about going? why is this so hard for me?
physically i feel fantastic, mentally my mind is sharper than it has ever been, emotionally i am a wreck. i find myself trapped somewhere between not being able to feel anything for anyone and my emotions being so strong it becomes difficult for me to keep it all together. i want to drink some days to take away the frustration and anger and boredom and sadness. but i won't drink. i don't know how i'm doing it really. i just keep putting one foot in front of the other somehow but it's hard. it is the hardest thing i have ever tried to do in my life and i feel so much pressure, mostly from myself, to succeed, which i'm sure isn't good for me.
when will it get easier? when will i feel like i can breathe again? when will the good days begin to outnumber the frustrating days? i know i'm gonna have to start going to meetings, why am i being such a stubborn ass about going? why is this so hard for me?
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 870
Rach rach, first of all, congratulations on 80 days. That is remarkable. I don't know your story so I cannot and should not compare mine to yours, but I still feel like a wreck many days, and I am on day 94.
I feel good physically in that my skin is clear, I fall asleep in less than five minutes and sleep through the night, but I am still a big stressball and find myself in at least one major depressive/anxiety episode per week. I also consume way too much caffeine and ice cream, and I never really liked ice cream all that much!
I am learning (for me) that change does come one step at a time, and that, at least as much I was drinking previously, it's going to be a while before I feel like humpty dumpty is put back together again.
Also, as others on here will tell you, you should read about PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), which affects addicts as their brain (over at least 90 days, if not more) attempts to restore a semblance of balance.
Reaching out for help also has never been my strong suit, but I am slowly seeing for myself that I gain strength the more I learn and become accustomed to asking others for help. The fact that you've done it here is the first step. It does get easier, so keep comin', as many have told me.
-M
I feel good physically in that my skin is clear, I fall asleep in less than five minutes and sleep through the night, but I am still a big stressball and find myself in at least one major depressive/anxiety episode per week. I also consume way too much caffeine and ice cream, and I never really liked ice cream all that much!
I am learning (for me) that change does come one step at a time, and that, at least as much I was drinking previously, it's going to be a while before I feel like humpty dumpty is put back together again.
Also, as others on here will tell you, you should read about PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), which affects addicts as their brain (over at least 90 days, if not more) attempts to restore a semblance of balance.
Reaching out for help also has never been my strong suit, but I am slowly seeing for myself that I gain strength the more I learn and become accustomed to asking others for help. The fact that you've done it here is the first step. It does get easier, so keep comin', as many have told me.
-M
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi rach
You may not be aware of PAWS
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
Congratulations on your sober time!
Welcome to SR!
You may not be aware of PAWS
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
Congratulations on your sober time!
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
No it dosn't get any easier..it gets more simple thou.
You'll get emotionally stronger...whatever that was hard
becomes easy..but you'll run into new horizons.lol
and that'll seem hard as you go through the learnding curve.
i don't know...when did you started drinking or using ??
At 13 ? 15 ?..after you detox and the rollers coaster...
even after the PAWS.lol
that's about now mature your are going to feel emotionally.
like you say...you act kind of like a typical rebillious teenager that thinks
she/he has all the answers already.
Your body aged but your emotions hasn't.
The world see the outside so you're expected to act accordingly.
You belive that too but you know...that dosn't feel right.lol
A recovering alki is going to be understanding of stuff like that.
i don't know..somewhere along the line Experince, strenght and hope.
Congrats on the 80 days and focus on the posistive and lower
your expectations..you didn't wacked yourself out over night.
You're not going to get well overnight
You'll get emotionally stronger...whatever that was hard
becomes easy..but you'll run into new horizons.lol
and that'll seem hard as you go through the learnding curve.
i don't know...when did you started drinking or using ??
At 13 ? 15 ?..after you detox and the rollers coaster...
even after the PAWS.lol
that's about now mature your are going to feel emotionally.
like you say...you act kind of like a typical rebillious teenager that thinks
she/he has all the answers already.
Your body aged but your emotions hasn't.
The world see the outside so you're expected to act accordingly.
You belive that too but you know...that dosn't feel right.lol
A recovering alki is going to be understanding of stuff like that.
i don't know..somewhere along the line Experince, strenght and hope.
Congrats on the 80 days and focus on the posistive and lower
your expectations..you didn't wacked yourself out over night.
You're not going to get well overnight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: chattanooga, tn
Posts: 2
thanks
first off thanks for the advice about PAWS. i had never heard of it before and read up on it last night, it makes some sense, and makes me feel a little better about everything.
knowing i'm not going to get better over night is tough. knowing i am emotionally stunted in so many ways is really hard to hear. i have so much i want to do and give and accomplish and what i am hearing is that i have to keep focusing on my recovery everyday, that has to be my top priority. i have written in my day planner- which is like writing something in stone for me, ensuring it will actually get done- a noon meeting next mon-thurs and saturday. i like the noon crowd and feel connected to them. i can't do this alone. i can't keep treading water like i have been or i'm going to get tired and drown...
i was 13 when i started drinking, i am 25 now, i know i am getting started earlier than a lot of people but it doesn't make it any easier on me, on my day-to-day life. i am the one living my life and so many days it's such a battle. i read something in one of these forums that said "do one thing a day that you don't want to do". i think that's great; i think that's going to be going to a meeting for me. so many times it's the stuff we don't want to do- that is hardest to do- that helps mold us into who we want to be.
thanks for the help everyone. i look forward to sharing more of my experience; the road already seems a little less bumpy.
knowing i'm not going to get better over night is tough. knowing i am emotionally stunted in so many ways is really hard to hear. i have so much i want to do and give and accomplish and what i am hearing is that i have to keep focusing on my recovery everyday, that has to be my top priority. i have written in my day planner- which is like writing something in stone for me, ensuring it will actually get done- a noon meeting next mon-thurs and saturday. i like the noon crowd and feel connected to them. i can't do this alone. i can't keep treading water like i have been or i'm going to get tired and drown...
i was 13 when i started drinking, i am 25 now, i know i am getting started earlier than a lot of people but it doesn't make it any easier on me, on my day-to-day life. i am the one living my life and so many days it's such a battle. i read something in one of these forums that said "do one thing a day that you don't want to do". i think that's great; i think that's going to be going to a meeting for me. so many times it's the stuff we don't want to do- that is hardest to do- that helps mold us into who we want to be.
thanks for the help everyone. i look forward to sharing more of my experience; the road already seems a little less bumpy.
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