duet_4-8

My STBXAH has always been impossible to please at Christmas and has usually been very verbal about his displeasure with any gift he is given-to the point of bringing my kids to tears sometimes.

(In case you don't know me-we have been seperated for nine months, divorce is in progress. No contact between the two of us.)

Here's the question:

I thought I might fix 3 photo albums for him, one from each son-NOT FROM ME, with pictures of important events in their lives. He asked for pictures at mediation last week. My oldest son (24) says he will take it the wrong way. (So what else is new?)

This is not something I want to gain anything from; I am not trying to hurt him nor am I trying to send any hidden messages. I just thought it would be a simple, inexpensive gift that he wouldn't just toss out or give away (or sell as has been the case a few times). Opinions?

marle

I think that is a nice idea. My daughter's abf has three daughters that he no longer sees but he carries their pictures with him everywhere. So I know that somewhere under his addiction is still a father. Hugs, Marle

greeteachday

I think it is a great idea...what he thinks about it really doesn't matter. But if it is something your son(s) do not want, well that's a different story. If taking it the "wrong way" means interpreting it as a slap in the face for all the times he wasn't at those special occassions; well maybe just some pictures of the kids...?

You are a thoughtful and compassionate woman, Jen. Merry Christmas

mooselips

I think each son should decide on his own what he would like to get him.

Unfortunately, even though, as moms, we want to shield our kids from any unpleasantness, sometimes it's just not possible. Beisdes that, I'm sure all of your sons are fully aware of his personality deficits.

Socks are always a good option. LOL

duet_4-8

It's not that the boys don't like the idea; the youngest thinks it's great. The oldest said that he thinks it would be a wonderful idea for a normal person....but that he knows how his dad thinks and that he will look for whatever negative meaning he can find.

But we talked some more about it and he decided it wasn't up to us to figure out what his dad may or may not do and that at least it would be something he won't throw away, give away, or sell. So we're going to go ahead with it.

((((HUGS))))))

duet_4-8

I know; it has been the annual dilemma, though, what to get for dad. Oldest already got him a book but wanted to do more. Youngest is really too young to know what to get, and middle likely wouldn't get him anything because (as you may recall) the gifts he got for his dad last year ended up in the showcase at our store with a price tag on them. So I guess what I'm saying is if I don't do something, from the younger two at least, then we will all get to hear about how no one loves him and he didn't get any gifts......

mooselips

(((Duet)))))

Miss Pink

sounds like, and please forgive my directness....

that you are attempting to push his emotional buttons here.

The kids are old enough to make thier own gifts. by YOUR making it is a form of control.....let go, let god.

duet_4-8

Thanks for the thought, pink, but I am not trying to 'push his emotional buttons'. I am way past wanting to push any buttons, but I can see how it may look that way. I'm just trying to make Christmas a little easier on all of us. As for me trying to control it, the boys are picking out which pictures they want to put in their albums. I have detached from my ex, not from my kids.

greeteachday

I suspect this may be a gift for your sons in the making. Going through old pictures can sometimes be a good journey. I know they had some tough times due to your ex, but they also had lots and lots of love and I'm sure they will enjoy remembering some special times. Hugs Jen...you are a terrific mom!!

Elana

FWIW the idea is ggreat but don't do it for another year. Wait. This year? Kids can give him a card.

They can then save their money for a pony on the Rockin' C.

Next year they can give the photo album(s). Waiting until the divorce is done and you are safely in your new place would make the break final between you and your STBXAH and the connection would be between your sons and their Father.

JMO. Remeber, advice is worth what you pay.