My ex is now a homless man

Old 12-07-2007, 06:46 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
 
kermit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
My ex is now a homless man

Most of you know my story, for some of you I am your story. I learned today that my exah is now homeless in North Dakota. My heart hurts and it is taking everything I have not to get on a plane and go find him.(it helps that i'm broke)
Not much else to share, thanks for listening.
kermit is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 07:05 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
gns
Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 405
I am so sorry Kermit. It must be so hard to know that.:praying
gns is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 07:24 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
 
laurie6781's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I am sorry for you and your feelings Kermit, but I am not sorry for your Ex. This may be EXACTLY what he needs, to have the 'light bulb' finally go off. Being homeless at this time of year in N. Dakota can be a REAL AWAKENING.

Hang in there, keep posting here, you know we are here for you! You can get through this. There is HOPE. This may be just what he needs, the impetus to get him olff his dead azz so to speak and do something for himself!!!!!

In my mind this is GOOD NEWS. No enablers so now he has to do for himself.

Keep posting, let us know how you are doing, we are here for you! You have come so far!

Love and hugs,
laurie6781 is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 08:00 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Becoming a Butterfly
 
WantsOut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Hey Kerm - I know your story really well cause you and I were going through the wringer at the same time. You were desperate to sell your house before you went down the tubes. I was desperate to get a job before I went down the tubes. We had some really dark times, didn't we? It was hard to keep the faith.

And check us out now. You did sell your house. I did find a job. And no one came to rescue us. We were big girls and worked through it all on our own. I think we would have loved an enabler to come along and fix everything but that didn't happen.

And he too will have to face the universe on his own and make it through, just like we did. No one ever promised him a rose garden either.

Trust HP. No, I don't mean Hewlett Packard
WantsOut is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 08:21 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I'm sure it must be horrible to have heard this. I pray that this will be his turning point, for his sake.

You just keep taking care of yourself.
Barbara52 is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 08:40 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Power is not having to respond
 
Wascally Wabbit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
You know, there is a radio program called "Unshackled" by Chicago's oldest homeless shelter, Pacific Garden Mission. It was founded in 1877 and continues to help people to this day!
Since my son has been homeless in the past, this radio program helped me through those times that I felt sorry for him.
It's a kind of old time radio theatre type program thats Christian based.
It's also true stories of people who were down and out, homeless and jobless and wound up changing their lives.

My son straightened out. It has been a long hard road, and continues to be, but he is working and living in a half way house now. That's a huge step up.

You see, they won't do anything about themselves until they suffer enough. That "enough" is up to them. If we continue to get in the way of their recovery, they never get well.
I am sorry you're hurting. I know that pain well. But, bellieve me, HP is working on your xh.
Wascally Wabbit is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 09:01 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
 
kermit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Thank you everyone for your kind words.
A little history behind my ex.. this is not the first time he has been homeless then turned his life around. At that time he has his father and now he has no one to call for help. I'm affraid he will take his life this time around. I keep planning his funeral in my head. And wonder, will they know who to call when they find him? F I hate this.
Wants out, WE have come a very long way haven't we? You know I'm only 7 weeks from graduation? You are one tough cookie Wants out, and I admire you. Thanks for everything.
kermit is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 09:14 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Hi Kermit,
My X recently told me that he had signed up for food stamps. I know that's definitely different from being homeless, but it was shocking to hear that this once very successful person was no longer able to even eat on his own. It's just unbelievable, isn't it? A good friend of mine recently experienced something similar to you, seeing her ex in a place that made it pretty apparent that he was homeless. I know that doesn't help, but strength in numbers maybe does? Like Laurie said, maybe this is it for him. One never knows.
Take care.
TexasGirl is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 09:15 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Hello my brothers and sisters,

many a recovered alcoholic/addict i have befriended have told me an alcoholic wont choose recovery until they are "on their knees". Of course the exact meaning of this is different for everyone, it is basically true. For a friend of mine, sheer homelessness was not hitting bottom, but rather a seemingly less important event that happened while homeless. He couldn't deal with body/clothes odor and how an educated man(M.D.) could smell so bad. He asked himself what was different from 2 years ago when he didn't smell? No substance use, voila!!!
steve11694 is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 09:23 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Becoming a Butterfly
 
WantsOut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Just 7 weeks away? Wow, time flies! You rule! Thanks for the kudos and take a big helping for yourself cause you deserve it. You and I each took a hard time and did the difficult work it took to find a better life. Good for us!

Luckily for your ex he is homeless in the USA. Wouldn't it suck much worse to be homeless in Calcutta or Somalia? He could be in Darfur. But he's here in a place with many homeless programs, shelters, food pantries, churches and temples that are in a position to offer help, work programs, etc etc etc. I know it seems like he doesn't have options, but looking at it dispassionately, he really does.

We're too old to lie about these things - it is possible that he might not make it. That's the painful reality. But the other part of that reality is that there are dozens of hands outstretched toward him even in this, his darkest hour. It is up to him to take one and lift himself up. If he does not, that is what he as an adult chose to do, as incomprehensible as it might seem to us to make that choice.

(((Kerm))) - I know it sucks no matter what. I hope it helps to be reminded that you have nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing. I remember one time you bailed him out and everyone on this board ragged on you about it big time, including me. You're gone above and beyond, my friend. It's not like you tossed him away. You really didn't. These are the consequences of his bad choices. With help from God, he will find his own way out.
WantsOut is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 09:25 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
 
kermit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
I know in my heart that Go d will do what is best fo rhim, and for us I'm just hurting right now. I thought I was over him, but clearly my heart is still very musch attached. For different reasons. He is a human being and it is very cold in ND, I'm affraid very affraid that he will die, then what will i tell my children? The questions alredy come, why isn't daddy here and why won't you let him come home? When he called and said he wanted to come hoe just a few days befor thanksgiving my heart stopped.
I know Iwill be okay I just hate the procces getting there
kermit is offline  
Old 12-07-2007, 10:00 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
JessicaNAJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Kermit.......My heart aches for you. I so know what you are feeling. There are no words i can offer to make the worry go away. Pray pray pray as much as you can for God to take care of him. I will say a prayer for God to take care of you (((((((((kermit)))))))))
JessicaNAJ is offline  
Old 12-08-2007, 03:28 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: by the sea
Posts: 183
I am sorry that your are hurting, it must be awful to know this about somebody you care about. Just because you are not together does not mean you cant care when the chips are down
But yes God will take care of him... hang in there

shakarris
shakarris is offline  
Old 12-08-2007, 04:27 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Hi Kermit,

I had news th eother day of my ex who isn't homeless but is apparently looking pretty awful. I feel badly about it , said a prayer for him but he is on his own road and has his own higher power. The same with your ex. It's the consequences of their choices and actions.

Ngaire
fluffyflea is offline  
Old 12-08-2007, 05:28 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
done ever take away the pain of the alcoholic.

its the only thing he has to make him want to change.
Miss Pink is offline  
Old 12-08-2007, 08:39 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
 
Mr. Christian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Hi,

Yes it does seem that their lives out there never really get better unless they get themselves clean.

I see this also with my ex wife.

A few things here though.
One, you are no longer married to this man for some of the same reasons that are going on right now.
Be thankful that you are not in the middle of it. The only way you are really involved is that you let yourself be.
I’ve known you for awhile now and I hope you take this to heart.
You need to start working that program and stay the course. After this extended period of time you still think you matter and can change something that has nothing to do with you. It’s about him, his emotions and his choice. You must remember that.

Again there is nothing binding you to this situation accept the fact that you let yourself be tied to it.
I do understand you have children together, but again, they are better off away from the storm.
Mr. Christian is offline  
Old 12-08-2007, 08:58 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
 
kermit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Mr. C, I value your opinion very much, and I thank you. I have started "working" the program and have a sponsor now. Thanks, I'm still not to sure that the program is right for me, I don't care if I matter to him or even if our children do, but I won't give up on ANY human being and I feel that the program wnats me to. I'm doing great and dispite this news today I will go to soccer games and watch my boys paly their little hearts out, I will do the shopping and make sure there is food for my children, this week I was able to help my daughter purchase her first car where she is responsiable for her own payments, she is off to college next year and I am very proud of her, my 2nd oldest mad honor roll and well my little one he is struggaling the most but I WILL make sure he does great in life, I will guide my children to be the best that they can and want to be. I have always "done" the right thing, and I will always chose to. I work, go to school and live my life to the fulliest. But I will ALWAYS love and HOPE that he will get better. I do not want to put the father of my children in the ground. I refuse to give up on him. If he calls and says drive me to rehab I will no question, but see the thing is I will do this for him not for me, would God turn his back on someone who asked for help if that person was taking the right steps to get better? I don't think so, no my God. my role in this is to pray, love and hope, if I give up on him I might as well give up on me. I know this is way off what most of you think that is why I have not come here very often anymore, I feel this way not because I'm sick and depressed or have no self esteem. I have grown so much in the last 2 years there is Nothing that I will not acomplish on my own. I need no man, no woman just me! Sorry but nothing binding me me to this man, BS I have 20yrs and 3 chidren pain suffering hope and Love binding me to this man
kermit is offline  
Old 12-08-2007, 09:03 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
ICU
Member
 
ICU's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Kermit, there's nothing wrong with having compassion for someone! That's one of the greatest qualities I admire in people. I think that shows loads of 'recovery'!
ICU is offline  
Old 12-08-2007, 09:44 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
 
Mr. Christian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
You see one of the biggest things is, that we give them up to God. We let him handle what we can not.
Letting go of things you can not change is not giving up.

We all know that he does need to do this on his own.
Enabling one only prolongs the outcome.

Oh and “God helps those who help themselves”
Mr. Christian is offline  
Old 12-08-2007, 11:12 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Okanagan BC
Posts: 328
I think it in normal (whatever normal is) to feel compassion and want the best for people who were once such a big part our lives. we are human and i believe human nature is to feel compassion. However, in your situation and mine, it is better to feel it from afar!
kj21 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:29 PM.