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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: stoughton wi
Posts: 3
new to this
Hi This is the first time I have posted so I will try to tell a little about myself and my life. I'm not new to drinkers just to them wanting help to stop. I have some health problems so I don't work, my husband is a truck driver and recently his health made him stop driving over the road so he is home every night.My son and his girlfriend moved in with us 5 years ago to help me because my husband was gone so much. They have a 3 yr old now.
My other son[the youngest,he's 36 now] has been drinking since he was a teenager. He was married but not for years. Every one in the family has tried to help him. given him a place to live,helped him get a job done something for him and all he does is take.He moves from one relative to another. I know I should not be helping him again but...
I have already lost one son. Sometimes I wonder how drunk he was when he put a cord around his neck and stepped off that landing.My youngest was with a girl for the last 4 years. they drank together, did drugs together, even lived in a tent together but nothing stopped them from drinking. I have tossed him out before, told him I would not help him anymore. Told him not to come around drunk. He always ends up back here. About a month ago we got a call from the police asking if he was here, he wasn't. The police were looking for him because his girlfriend was found dead and they didn't know what had happened to her. That scared me so much, my husband and son went out looking for him to make sure he was alright. I was so afraid they would find him dead too. When they found him I was so glad he was OK I didn't care he was drunk and told them to bring him home. He is still here.
He seemed so lost without her at first and he kept going out and coming back drunk. I let it go for about a week then told him if he wanted to stay here he will have to get help to stop drinking. He has no insurance and no money so help isn't easy to find.
I know there are programs for people like him and he is calling them every day. He has stopped drinking and says he needs more than AA. I think going to meeting will help he has agreed to go but its hard to get to because they are in another town.
Am I doing the right thing trusting him? He has to start somewhere doesn't he?
My other son[the youngest,he's 36 now] has been drinking since he was a teenager. He was married but not for years. Every one in the family has tried to help him. given him a place to live,helped him get a job done something for him and all he does is take.He moves from one relative to another. I know I should not be helping him again but...
I have already lost one son. Sometimes I wonder how drunk he was when he put a cord around his neck and stepped off that landing.My youngest was with a girl for the last 4 years. they drank together, did drugs together, even lived in a tent together but nothing stopped them from drinking. I have tossed him out before, told him I would not help him anymore. Told him not to come around drunk. He always ends up back here. About a month ago we got a call from the police asking if he was here, he wasn't. The police were looking for him because his girlfriend was found dead and they didn't know what had happened to her. That scared me so much, my husband and son went out looking for him to make sure he was alright. I was so afraid they would find him dead too. When they found him I was so glad he was OK I didn't care he was drunk and told them to bring him home. He is still here.
He seemed so lost without her at first and he kept going out and coming back drunk. I let it go for about a week then told him if he wanted to stay here he will have to get help to stop drinking. He has no insurance and no money so help isn't easy to find.
I know there are programs for people like him and he is calling them every day. He has stopped drinking and says he needs more than AA. I think going to meeting will help he has agreed to go but its hard to get to because they are in another town.
Am I doing the right thing trusting him? He has to start somewhere doesn't he?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Only you can know what you are willing to live with. You have to decide what you are willing to put up with, what your boundaries are. It sure sounds like you have gone through hell and back. {hugs}
As far as his finding help for himself, try Salvation Army. They have good programs I've heard and are free. But he has to be the one to help himself. No one else can do it.
As far as his finding help for himself, try Salvation Army. They have good programs I've heard and are free. But he has to be the one to help himself. No one else can do it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
First, welcome to SR ! You have come to the right place....
There are sooo many caring and understanding people here that know exactly how you feel.
You have to "trust" him and see what he does.Let him do his own thing, he is the only one that can change this cycle.......you didn't cause this, can't control it (as much as you want to ! I know!), and can't cure it. I am sorry your family has put you thru this, but from now on you need to focus on YOU! It's hard to do, yes, may feel really strange, but you can do it.
Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beatty is a great book to read, as is any literature from AA......An AA meeting for friends and family might help you too. The people here at SR; the posts, and stickies at the top of the page......Just throwing out some ideas.
There will be more knowledgable people along shortly....with a wealth of information. When I joined this site a little over a year ago, I was at my breaking point. It will get better, I promise you. All of this did not happen overnight, so it won't get better overnight either, but it does get better!!!!!
Much love to you !
:praying
There are sooo many caring and understanding people here that know exactly how you feel.
You have to "trust" him and see what he does.Let him do his own thing, he is the only one that can change this cycle.......you didn't cause this, can't control it (as much as you want to ! I know!), and can't cure it. I am sorry your family has put you thru this, but from now on you need to focus on YOU! It's hard to do, yes, may feel really strange, but you can do it.
Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beatty is a great book to read, as is any literature from AA......An AA meeting for friends and family might help you too. The people here at SR; the posts, and stickies at the top of the page......Just throwing out some ideas.
There will be more knowledgable people along shortly....with a wealth of information. When I joined this site a little over a year ago, I was at my breaking point. It will get better, I promise you. All of this did not happen overnight, so it won't get better overnight either, but it does get better!!!!!
Much love to you !
:praying
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Welcome to Sr. You have found a great place to share and get a lot of ES&H from those who have been where you are now.
Tell your son to check with the Salvation Army in Milwaukee and the one in Minneapolis/St. Paul. They both have great 're-hab' programs and they are free.
Of course, it is up to him and no program, AA, Salvation Army rehab, or the most expensive rehab in the country will help him if he is not ready to help himself.
For you, please come here, ask questions, vent, rant, rave, scream, cry and laugh with us. Not knowing how disabled you are, you may want to check to see if there are any Alanon meetings in Stoughton, that you can get to. Alanon has helped many of us.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care.
Love and hugs,
I know there are programs for people like him
Of course, it is up to him and no program, AA, Salvation Army rehab, or the most expensive rehab in the country will help him if he is not ready to help himself.
For you, please come here, ask questions, vent, rant, rave, scream, cry and laugh with us. Not knowing how disabled you are, you may want to check to see if there are any Alanon meetings in Stoughton, that you can get to. Alanon has helped many of us.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care.
Love and hugs,
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