obsessed

My 18year old AD texted yesterday and asked if she could come...I told her not until she could be honest with me and wanted to change, that I would do whatever I had to do to get her some help and she had to leave all those people alone. I never heard anything back until last night, she texted and told me she would be out of minutes today. I told her I was sorry but I was not going to buy minutes or anything else until she was tired of living the way she is, well I got the you will not have to worry about her much longer anyway. I ended it with a just remember that I do love you to her. I am trying to do this!!! I am tired of her walking all over me!! I think her taking my car for 5 hours, telling me how she wanted to change when all she wanted was a soft place to fall for a while. But it is so hard to do this but from what you all have said I know this will help her hit rock bottom quicker. I am just tired of getting used and I told her I was not buying drugs, gas and minutes anymore!! I think she is kinda shocked that I am being like this because I have never turned her away or told her no but it is time!! Please pray for me to be strong and keep taking these baby steps...I must admit it does feel good to stand up for myself!!:atv

pjbs55

Obsessed,
I am glad you are taking care of yourself. Yes you are doing the right thing for YOU!!! Your daughter has to want to get clean and it does not sound like she is ready yet. It is hard to do tough love, I know been there. But you have to do all you can for your sake.
Praying that your AD finds help soon.
Hugs coming to you from another mom,

Lobo

((((Obsessed))))

Good job, mom. It hurts you more than it hurts her to say no. Just keep remembering that this is right and enabling her will only keep her stuck longer.
When she realizes that she will either sink or swim she will have to make the choice by herself.

My RAD also said those same words to me about not having to worry about her anymore. That kind of talk did tug at my heartstrings but the other part of me told me it was manipulation. My RAD was the worlds best manipulator.
It took me a long time not to fall for it. I don't know if I became numb or what, but I barely reacted to her anymore. I think things started to change when she didn't get a reaction out of me.

Your AD is young and has a lot of growing up to do. I wish I would have let go when my RAD was younger.......maybe I would have helped her then. I just didn't know what to do or how to do. I use to tell her that no one ever taught me how to deal with a drug addicted child. I didn't know what I was doing. It took me a lot of learning and thankfully I found SR.

One more thing Obsessed, keep in mind that your daughter is a very resourceful person. Addicts usually are. She will find her own way.

Hugs..............Lo

caileesnana

I'm sorry. THat seems like the addicts way to manipulate. I agree w/ Lobo--and from our experience, they are more resourceful than you know.
continued prayers for you daughter,
susan:praying

Impurrfect

Obsessed -

Yes, when we A's are active, we can be VERY manipulative. We also rebel when an enabler finally starts saying "no".

But what everyone else said above is true.....you are doing what is best and the most loving. When I was active, I CHOSE to buy dope instead of cell phone minutes, food, or even a room for the night so I'd have somewhere to sleep. Where did it get me....to my bottom, right where I needed to be.

Hang in there, you're doing great! I know it doesn't feel like it, but take it from this RA, you are. I am eternally grateful that my dad let me fall as far as I needed to.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Spiritual Seeker

These aren't baby steps they are giant ones. They call it "tough love"
because it is tough on us. You have learned the big one, "God grant me the courage to change the things I can" The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over & expecting different results. You had to change because the pain was consuming you. It will get better because you are learning to take care of your own stuff.
Your daughter will change in her own time + way.

Done_With_It

hope213

hugs & prayers. i know this is hard but sometimes doing the right thing is the hard thing.

marle

Just one word of caution. You need to watch the expectations. I thought that my daughter would reach out for help when she started losing things in her life. It has now been almost a year of me having very little contact with my daughter and she is still out there doing her thing. My daughter has the abf that buys all her drugs for her and the abf has a boss that enables him so the money just keeps coming. Your daughter may be different and hit a bottom sooner. But she may well find someone else to enable her and continue in her addiction for a while longer. You are doing the right thing to cut off the money. You can still tell her that you love her, but no amount of enabling is going to change what she does. Hugs, Marle

mooselips

Marle has a real good point there.

Remember you are doing this for YOU.

YOU are going to feel better than
being in the front row watching the drama.



AND if it helps her hit her bottom a little faster, that would be good too.

Hugs,