Need4Change

Hi everyone

Well, not that this whole forum is about "me" or anything but I just wanted to say that I am now on day two of my sobriety journey. Again, I got up this morning and could feel the cravings kick in just a little bit (I hate that!) but I took a Campral and a little while later, they are not quite as intense but they are still "lurking" just under the surface.

Some of my worst alcohol withdrawal symptoms are mild shortness of breath, sweating more than usual, cravings and hot flashes where my body just feels kind of warm/hot all day. Also, foggy-head and other mental symptoms. I guess what I'm actually feeling is my brain repairing/re-wiring itself and basically trying to undo the damage caused by the alcohol. Also, my body sweating out the poison.

Today is kind of a bad day though. Over the weeks I have either been drunk, hungover or just downright sick and so I've let a lot of things go that needed done around the house. Now that I'm into my second day sober and feeling slightly better, I have been going around here like crazy trying to get caught up. The bad thing about this is that "getting a ton of things done" is a HUGE trigger for me because every single time (without exception) I have gotten a "ton of things done", I always end up at the end of the day hot, tired, thirsty and the first thing I want to do is grab a case of beer and "celebrate my accomplishments", "chill out and relax" because "I've earned it" and "I deserve it". However, despite the excuses my mind continuously generates to drink, I know from history that I will get very sick and wake up tommorow morning with a hangover as well as a deep regret and sense of guilt. I also know that eventually drinking will lead to health problems and possibly/ultimately...death.

Need4Change

mike_mass

Have you tried a fellowship like AA?

Jomey

Hi Need4 - Glad you are sober today! Must run now - will check in with you later - just wanted to send you hugs and strength! J

TorontoGuy28

One day at time, one thing at a time... No need to rush and get everything done at once..

LauraSFO1

It gets better every day!! Please hang in there!

Anna

Hi,

I think early sobriety needed a lot of changes in my life. One of the things I changed was rewarding myself by drinking. There are so many other ways to do something nice for me.

Hang in there!

Anodyne

Then again, there IS a thought that recovery IS all about you haha.

Anyway, I shake my head and recognize myself and some other people in the
crap we feed ourselves to talk ourselves into/rationalize our way into drinking.
Especially because of how you feel the next day...but PRIOR to drinking,
we tell ourselves how it will be 'celebrating' and that we deserve to drink.

:chatter We are just ugh sometimes.

I hope that you, and I, and every other addict here, will remember the
mornings after, the regrets, the damages, the shame, the guilt, while
we're telling ourselves we should go ahead and 'celibrate' by drinking.

Good job on two days sober!

_Charm_

I'm really glad you shared this. I'm new in recovery too and a huge trigger for me (one of so many) is getting a lot accomplished. I felt that way last night actually after a very busy day of medical tests and my first counceling appt. etc. Crazy huh? Work all day to improve myself and then I immediately want the "reward" of drinking. My house needs attention, my kids need attention, my husband needs attention, I deperately need my own attention, friendships/socialization needs attention....I could go on. I got this way over time so it's going to take time to get it in order. I think it's ok for us to give ourselves permission to move forward gently.

Jomey

Hey Need4 - You are singing my old tune, my brother! Man, was being "super girl" a HUGE trigger for me. That was my "perfect day" when I was drinking: getting up (getting over hangover - not easy, but do-able), starting to feel good around lunch time and BAM! kicking it into overdrive...running around, doing laundry, cleaning, getting a simple dinner together, homework with kids, general "Putting and doing" as my granny used to call it, etc. Then, when the kids were in bed, all ready for another day at school, who deserved to unwind with a drink more than me? Man, oh man, do I know what you are saying.

Every scenario you could think up that involved a "successful" day, I would drink at the end of it.

I'll I can tell you is that I am beating it by posting here, keeping a journal, and reminding myself I never want to go back to that dark place again. Excercise earlier in the day seems to help too. I get revved up by it for a while, but then I am calming down by the time I would have normally thought about drinking and I am tired in a good way.

Just keep trying. Hang on...the best is yet to come. Promise. J

Elizabeth2007

One of my biggest triggers emotionally is rejection - weather perceived or actual. I'm trying to work on not needing approval of people and focus on what God thinks of me and be content with those in my life who DO accept me just as I am and not constantly look for others to approve of me.

Also a big trigger for me to drink is going out to restaurants, I always associate the food or place with whatever I usually drank there. I'm an alcoholic. 8 months sober today. I went to Blue Star Grille yesterday before a movie and I could TASTE my favorite beer. I actually salivated. YIKES! But then I just reminded myself of the terrible disaster that drinking brought to my life and that was that. Kicked that trigger to the curb.

Hang in there.

awake121207

Thanks for the post--it makes me feel a bit better.

I actually talked my wife out of going out to dinner last night because I don't think I can take it yet. She was very understanding. No surprise, I know she would rather not have a dinner out than me a drunk again!!

Still, I felt kinda weak. But I woke up to my 19th day, so I am willing to admit I'm weak to be sober--that's something

I look forward to the day I can make it through a nice meal just focused on the company, food, and atmosphere--not when the waiter will get back with my next drink.

Thanks again for the post

Need4Change

I did a lot of different things while intoxicated - some things, ONLY while I was intoxicated (ie; watching movies, sex, writing email, posting on forums, listening to music, playing with my animals, talking on the phone, visting with family, doing chores around the house and much more) and so each one of these things has become a "trigger" for me to drink (along with intense cravings) as I associate these things with alcohol. Not being able to drink while engaging in these activities makes them much less enjoyable and so I am s-l-o-w-l-y having to learn to do them while sober or not do them at all. Needless to say, it has not been an easy adjustment (as I'm sure it has'nt been for many others like me).

- Need4Change

curliQ

This is exactly what I thought of last night. I am relearning all of my activities and trying to accept my responses as part of me and not something to hide.

awake121207

It isn't easy! This is where some kind of proactive positive approach to every day life comes in I believe. I think this is the area where those in AA wish they could share it with others: the way they got to the good space--of course I don't know for sure 'cause I'm not in AA. For me, it's the practice of mindfulness as taught by Tich Nhat Hanh.

Really, I don't think it matters what IT is as long as it makes sobriety a positive state to practice a new way of approaching every day moments--ultimately with joy. Then alcohol becomes a thing that would ruin a good thing you have going.

This sounds like a good practice! I especially like how you said "relearning" because that's how we move to the new good space.

I'm not there . . . but I want to find my way.

hope3

You don't have to drink, just for today!

hope and love, hope3

Jack Porter

recovery is discovery, one day at a time as we redefine what joy and happiness is. what used to be fun is no longer the joy of our life, we have found a new high and its called sobriety and it feels good and is a lot healthier.