Easeful

The situation with my AS has escalated. Background: A college sophomore, he’s gone through a bunch of extra money in the last 4 months, about $4,000 in addition to room, board, gas. So I insisted on a budget. He finally made one and went through that $250. In 2 weeks, instead of a month. Then he called and wanted me to buy him glasses. I’d been expecting a call like that and refused. So far so good.

Then he came here to pick up his car. I’d had it repaired as his birthday gift. He was supposed to farm sit for us for a long weekend this weekend. He demanded his payment in advance. I refused. He yelled that he was doing me a favor. I told him he needed to learn that you don’t get paid when you haven’t done the work. He then switched gears and demanded the remainder of his summer earnings. I refused citing the budget we had agreed on. He got a little louder and a little more frantic. I went to get his father and when I came back into the room AS had a stack of about 20 of my cd’s headed to the car. I told him we had agreed that the money was his and he could have all of it. He looked sheepish and handed me all but 2 of the cd’s saying that 2 were all he’d be able to listen to on the ride back. ::sigh:: Seeing him with that stack of cd’s, flashed light bulbs in my head like 4th of July fire works.

So…….we transferred the funds. I hate backing down on the budget thing. But he is an adult and it is his money. His father says that if he is using at the level I believe he is it’s only a matter of time till he’s caught. I hope public defenders aren’t as bad as I’ve heard.

And….I called the next morning and told him that I had been doing him a favor giving him an opportunity to make some extra money doing something he loves to do anyway. But that I had reconsidered and our regular farm hand would be staying here this weekend. Because all of the bedrooms will be in use with his family, my son should just stay at the University. ::sigh::

One day at a time has taken on a whole new meaning in my life. When I get back home, I’ll decide about changing door locks and gate codes. If you’ve got an extra prayer in you, I could sure use it.

hope213

you can not trust him. change your locks NOW. he was stealing your c.d's. the addict will do anything to get money for their drugs. the money you gave him will not last. it is always about more with the addict. lock up anything of value. i am really sorry u r going thru this.prayers for your son & you & your husband.

cece

My heart and prayers go out to you. You are doing the right thing, maybe its soon enough that he will run out of $ and hit bottom faster. when my AS went off to college it wasn't just the pot he spent $ on but he was gambling in the dorms also. The pot is what affected his schooling though and he soon couldn't handle the course load.
Keep praying and giving him up to his higher power to deal with. I know how hard this is on you. I know the pain and loss feelings. He has some lessons to learn right now so let him. .the sooner he learns the better.
Cathy

frankly

((easeful))

Sending prayers, and hugs.

B

DevastatedJP

You see the big picture and you know what you need to do! My gosh, seeing the problem and acknowledging the problem is half the battle.

Protect yourself and do what you need to do. Best of luck. Stay the course.

Hugs and prayers!!!

Lobo

((((Easeful))))

You did the right thing by not letting him take care of the farm while you are gone. You can see that he is not trustworthy.

Take care of yourself and stick to your boundaries.

Hugs..............Lo

marle

He will probably be okay now that he has the money. But if he is using a lot then that money will run out quickly so be prepared for the poor me speeches. Don't give in, it will just keep the cycle going. You really can't control it anyway, so giving him back his money is the best thing you could have done for yourself. Take this time to prepare for what will be calls begging for more. Maybe plan what you will say in advance so that you can keep it short and sweet and to the point. Be ready for the anger and realize that it is your son's addiction talking. Hugs, Marle

Easeful

Thanks Hope, I so got that he was stealing them. And when I went to put sugar in a dish I was fixing last night I realized that the silver spoon I keep in the sugar bowl is no longer there. Funny, I'd noticed it missing back in the summer and assumed it had gotten put back in the drawer. I looked last night, it hasn't.

We've had a chaotic 2 years with 2 moves and a major downsizing. Still lots of things I thought I'd kept, don't seem to have ever turned up. ::sigh::

It's hard not to feel responsible. But as Oprah says, "You didn't know better. When you know better, you do better."

Easeful

My son's also talked about gambling in the dorms. I guess I hold out some hope that that's where the bulk of the money has gone. I know people suffer horribly from gambling addictions, but at least it's not an immediate risk to his health.

Easeful

::sigh:: One of my daily affirmations is, "I forgive my father and I protect myself." I guess I'll need to add one, "I love my son and I protect myself."

sheisanaddict

Easeful

Protect your self. I said so many times that my daughter wouldn't steal from me. My husband was the smart one he hid his $$. Me I left my debt card with my car keys. She was smart $40 buck here and there. I didn't notice for three months. She would take my card at night and run to the store for smokes.
She went to rehab yesterday, is homeless and will not be coming back here.
My stomach has hurt since yesterday when I found out. The Bank will be charging her. She now will deal with that on her own.
Take care of yourself first.
Trisha

Ann

Sending Hugs and Prayers. It's hard doing the right thing sometimes.

Hugs

bookmiser

(((((((Easeful))))))))

mooselips

Big hugs coming your way.
And plenty of prayers...

sleepygoat

My daughter finally fessed up to a total of about $10,000 over a year's time that she stole - she had gotten my ATM card while I was sleeping (I worked nights) and had already noted my PIN by watching me; she also stole at least $20 a day from our wallets (we just thought we were poor money managers - never suspected it was her). Also stole over $2000 worth of CD's and DVD's - that's when my husband noticed. After that, we threw her out, changed the locks - and it was bad for almost a year, as she went to the streets and was so angry - at us!!

This sucks, doesn't it? Praying for you and him.